Anonymous wrote:We don't take time off when they are here.

My parents work with our schedules to find the best time, like when our schedules might be more flexible or don't have big projects.

My ILs come when they invite themselves (like in the middle of my grad school finals...) and then wonder why I can't rearrange my schedule.

Do we have the same in laws?

We don't take time off when they are here.

My parents work with our schedules to find the best time, like when our schedules might be more flexible or don't have big projects.

My ILs come when they invite themselves (like in the middle of my grad school finals...) and then wonder why I can't rearrange my schedule.

Anonymous wrote:I rarely take leave when family visits, but then again they rarely visit. Both families expect us to do all of the traveling. One family is six hours away and we drive to see them a couple of times a year (maybe 4 or 5), and the family that's a plane ride away gets a visit from us once a year. I wish they would make the effort to visit more, but they seem to feel it's our responsibility since we moved away.

Stop visiting so frequently.

I rarely take leave when family visits, but then again they rarely visit. Both families expect us to do all of the traveling. One family is six hours away and we drive to see them a couple of times a year (maybe 4 or 5), and the family that's a plane ride away gets a visit from us once a year. I wish they would make the effort to visit more, but they seem to feel it's our responsibility since we moved away.

Definitely don't take leave when they visit. I never do. You also don't have to spend all your leave to visit them- make sure to plan time for yourselves as a family.

Thanks, everyone. Its helpful to see what others are doing, primarily that most people don't take leave when family come in.

My brother and his family live a plane ride away from both sides. They spend a week in the summer with our side, and the week between Xmas and NY's with his wife's side. They have a ground rule of no travel for holidays (like Tday and Xmas) because it's too annoying/stressful.

Other than that, they welcome visitors anytime to their home. They are wonderful about it. They also don't take leave for the visits if they can't. My mother is retired, so she goes down to help with kids over school breaks. The other grandmother also comes regularly, usually for weekends to help if someone is traveling. They help pay for flights of the family members who it's too expensive to buy flights.

Now that everyone has kids we don't see them as much as before. But I think as our kids get older (I have the youngest ones) it'll be easier to go down for weekend trips etc.

I think it's more doable since they are a short flight (2 hours) so weekend trips can happen.

Offer to travel when you can, and if you can't, don't. Let them come to you.