Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not have an easy 6yr old, but he is very money motivated. He gets an allowance. We have family "fines". At any given time there are a set of 4 or so very basic rules. Each time ANY member violates the rule, they get fined. Common fines are a quarter, with major infractions (like foul language ) $2. Once we master a set of rules, we work on 4 more. The "fines" go to a family fun day, such as the movies. We've been on this system for about 6 weeks and the kids are excited to go see angry birds. It has bee incredibly motivating and their behavior has taken a 180.

I'm confused. Do they get money towards something fun when they behave badly? Like I used bad language = $2 for angry birds?

Yeah. If they're perfectly behaved, they'll never see angry birds.

Anonymous wrote:I do not have an easy 6yr old, but he is very money motivated. He gets an allowance. We have family "fines". At any given time there are a set of 4 or so very basic rules. Each time ANY member violates the rule, they get fined. Common fines are a quarter, with major infractions (like foul language ) $2. Once we master a set of rules, we work on 4 more. The "fines" go to a family fun day, such as the movies. We've been on this system for about 6 weeks and the kids are excited to go see angry birds. It has bee incredibly motivating and their behavior has taken a 180.

I'm confused. Do they get money towards something fun when they behave badly? Like I used bad language = $2 for angry birds?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need better punishments. Clearly losing screen time isn't having any impact. Start over. Take everything away for a month and make him do lots of chores around the house. Then let him earn things back by behaving and respecting you and your rules. If you let this go at 6, what will he be like at 16?

Actually, praising him for good behavior will be far more effective than punishing him.

Yes, but it's two sides of the same coin. I used "punishment" because that's what OP was doing -- taking away screen time. I'm saying you take everything away and then let him earn rewards for his good behavior. Let him see a connection between his behavior and activities that he enjoys.

+ 1000

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need better punishments. Clearly losing screen time isn't having any impact. Start over. Take everything away for a month and make him do lots of chores around the house. Then let him earn things back by behaving and respecting you and your rules. If you let this go at 6, what will he be like at 16?

Actually, praising him for good behavior will be far more effective than punishing him.

Yes, but it's two sides of the same coin. I used "punishment" because that's what OP was doing -- taking away screen time. I'm saying you take everything away and then let him earn rewards for his good behavior. Let him see a connection between his behavior and activities that he enjoys.

For Pete's sake, he is 6 years old. How do you feel after a long day at work? Probably tired, maybe hungry? Your 6YO child is probably exhausted and overwhelmed at the end of the school day and maybe also hungry. He is so young that he does not have the words or ability to process what he is feeling - so instead he acts out. Coming down on him right away with punishment is not going to address the root problem. Instead, as others have suggested, have a protein-rich snack for him right when he gets out of school, don't pepper him with questions or conversation on the way home, and do as early a bedtime as you can swing. No screen time at all on school evenings so that he'll sleep better at night.

OP, he is not a brat. He is 6. If something is bothering him he is not going to say "Mother, I have been feeling exhausted and overwhelmed by the demands of my new school experience." Instead, he is going to show you with his behavior that something is not right. These people telling you to punish more are giving you terrible advice. The way you stop the behavior is by getting rid of the problem. If you have always parented the same way, it is unlikely that your parenting is the cause of a sudden behavior change. Certainly, something associated with Kindergarten seems more likely.

Focus on getting him more down time and sleep. If he is staying for aftercare at school, maybe hire a baby sitter to pick him up right when school ends. Does he have a lot of scheduled activities? If so, get rid of some. And a trip to the doctor to rule out anything medical is not a crazy idea either. Also, since this behavior started with Kindergarten, see if you can get to the heart of the issue. Are the academics difficult? Is he struggling socially? Is he being bullied? Are his teachers unkind? Or, is it just a very long day for him.

You sound like a good mom. He is telling you he needs help. I really like the book "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline" for ideas on how to discipline with empathy. It is possible to control a child's behavior through only threats and punishments, but that certainly is not the best way.

This sounds a LOT like my 6yo K son. I agree with upping bedtime--he does best when we get him in bed by 7, but 7:30 seems to be the tipping point--later than that, and he catches a second wind. Even if he's IN bed at 7:45, he'll stay awake til 9-10. But in bed before 7:30 and he goes pretty much right to sleep. Wakes around 7:30am.

We've also had some luck lately with a Kazdin-esque star chart (I say "esque" because I haven't actually read Kazdin's book, but read enough descriptions to figure out this simplified model that works for us). He's obsessed with playing Mario, and was previously getting 30m mabe every 4-5 days, and tanrumming a lot when he didn't get it, when we had to turn it off, etc. So he earns stars toward minutes of Mario time.

Instead of concrete tasks he has to do, he gets a star anytime he does something "quickly and cheerfully" (unprompted, or the first time I ask, quickly and without complaint). If he doesn't do it right away, no stars. 10 stars = 10m of Mario whenever he gets to play next (no promises its the same day). Tantrums, rudeness, or bad comments/notes from any teachers = loss of stars based on the severity of the incident.

The really important thing for us is no pleading/reminding him to earn stars, and no shame/anger when he doesn't. Either he does it the first time or not, no big deal either way. "Good job!" Or, "Sorry, no start this time, we'll try again next time!" Then move on.

To jump start it, we gave a mini choc chip (the really tiny ones) with every star for the first few days.

I try to signal him that I'm making a "star" request by getting down at eye level and asking him to look at me before I ask. This really helps clue him in.

It's not been a magic bullet, but we've definitely seen an improvement. And, bonus, he's playing LESS Mario with less complaining over it.

Agree with the praise for being good. Talk in language that emphasizes what he can do ("we use kind words") rather than what he cannot do ("don't call people stupid"). You can also give him words for things when he's tired "I wonder if scooting right home after a long day at school seems SO LONG and SO TIRING. Should we sit under this tree for a bit and catch up before we scoot home?" Or sympathize wi H home "I know it is hard to share toys. You really like Tom's truck and it is hard to give it up. But let's be sure we take good care of it so Tom can have his turn and then you have another turn." And then sympathize/praise when he hands it over.

Also, don't underestimate the scariness of the end of the school year. They have finally gotten used to K with teacher X and now every eon is talking about what is expected in 1st grade with some nameless, faceless scary teacher who takes no nonsense. Total disaster for one of my kids, who really had to be convinced by her teacher that 1st grade started with a review of K and that she would be fine!

Anonymous wrote:You need better punishments. Clearly losing screen time isn't having any impact. Start over. Take everything away for a month and make him do lots of chores around the house. Then let him earn things back by behaving and respecting you and your rules. If you let this go at 6, what will he be like at 16?

Actually, praising him for good behavior will be far more effective than punishing him.

I agree it's the screens. Even my two little girls then into raging a-holes when they play with the iPad to the point I finally took it and hid it in my closet. They have not had access to it since Christmas. TV does not do this, but I have noticed this pattern over and over again with tablet devices. Take it away for good.

If my K daughter speaks rudely to me, I remind her to check her tone and remember that she's talking to her mother and needs to be respectful - that it's ok to be upset/angry/whatever, but not rude.

I agree with everyone who says to up his sleep time if the bad behavior is out of character. My dd is 5 and still needs a good 12 hours on a school night. It means a tight schedule during the school year, but we're faithful to it because she's a mess without it.

Also try a DRINK at pick-up. Maybe a healthy smoothie. My K was thirsty (particularly this hot time of year) and had low blood sugar. Sucking on a straw is soothing and will boost blood sugar fast.

When he is rude, I would try not escalating with punishment immediately. If he calls you stupid, tell him that hurts your feelings and is unkind. That may be enough to snap him back into being your considerate kind child. I also had success with a little reverse psychology at that age. I'd say "Ohh, you don't seem like your kind self, here's a drink that I hope helps you find your manners." Stay calm, let him know his behavior is out of line and support him if he's hungry and tired. Depends on the kid, but my kid would escalate like you describe. He needed coaching to help him control his emotions appropriately. Punishment didn't teach him those skills . . .

You need better punishments. Clearly losing screen time isn't having any impact. Start over. Take everything away for a month and make him do lots of chores around the house. Then let him earn things back by behaving and respecting you and your rules. If you let this go at 6, what will he be like at 16?

I have to bring a snack and drink to pick up my 6 year old at school or the .4 mile walk home is horrendous.

I also think this is the age they really are trying to spread their wings and test limits. Give freedom where you can so they don't always feel managed.

Now that it is warm and we are outside playing all the time we have moved bedtime back and my daughter is going to bed about an hour earlier - she is asleep before 7. That is helping.

Partly normal, but something you need to get a handle with. He's probably tired/hungry. He's also getting that language from school/books and tv. Stupid and Butt seem to be common at our school. No helmet, no scooter. You misbehave, we leave. You handled it well.