I'm bi, but I am happily married to my husband. He loves the fact that I'm attracted to women. He thinks it's hot, and we have a lot of fun fantasizing

Pp here to clarify, I didn't mean leave him early, I meant tell him early, like maybe now, that you are struggling with this, so he can process it at the same time.

OP, just remember to have some compassion for your spouse through this. I think it's only fair if you are going to leave him that you do it early so he has time to process it. There's nothing like figuring out all the logistics on your own then springing it on him because you are have processed it and are ready to move on.

Obviously this won't be a complete shock for him as you were open before your marriage, but all too often the spouse who comes out gets all the attention "good for you Janie for being true to yourself!!" leaving the spouse to suffer in silence. You can refer him to the straight spouse network.

You all need therapy. Not because anything is wrong with you but it is a tough situation. Your kids (and probably spouse if you are choosing to leave) will need help to process it, and so will you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just realized at 35 that I am gay, I'm a women married to a man (well separated and getting divorced) with 2 small children
After finally coming to this and telling my spouse I feel a huge weight has been lifted, I'm happier than I have been in years. My life is in total chaos but amongst the chaos I am at peace with myself. I have never felt so good
It's a personal choice how you handle this....a friend said to me "sometimes you have to make a leap even if you don't know what will happen when you fall" I feel like my kids will be better off with a happy mother even if it means living in a separate house from their father, we are still friends and will co parent the best we can

I totally disagree. This is very selfish thinking.

Why? If she was straight and divorced him for another man it would be the same...So, is divorce always selfish? This isn't the Middle Ages and Ted Cruz has not been elected president... so chill!

Np here. Kids don't give a crap if you're "happy". They would rather not absorb the whole lifetime of divorce chaos. They would rather have the parent absorb all the unhappiness and hassle so that they can best set up their lives without tons of chaos and deep wounds.

Oh please, 35 year old poster here, kids do care if you are happy, they do notice if their parents are screaming at each other and their father is beating up their mother because she came out to him. So fuck off seriously
I found out who I am at the age of 35, never saw it coming, didn't go looking for it, but it happened
And I am happy, my kids will be ok, I will be ok
I wish there were more people in my situation that I could talk to because I feel very alone, and having people here criticize me makes me want to give up posting on this forum

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just realized at 35 that I am gay, I'm a women married to a man (well separated and getting divorced) with 2 small children
After finally coming to this and telling my spouse I feel a huge weight has been lifted, I'm happier than I have been in years. My life is in total chaos but amongst the chaos I am at peace with myself. I have never felt so good
It's a personal choice how you handle this....a friend said to me "sometimes you have to make a leap even if you don't know what will happen when you fall" I feel like my kids will be better off with a happy mother even if it means living in a separate house from their father, we are still friends and will co parent the best we can

Just curious...are you really gay, or bisexual? I've always wondered how a "gay" person could marry a person of the opposite sex and be aroused enough to make kids and still be totally gay, unless they were seriously in denial/faking it. Wouldn't a person in this situation most likely be somewhere in the spectrum between gay and straight (i.e. bisexual)?

I just think I never realized it until now, signs were there along the way but I had no idea, it took falling in love wth a women to realize it. Then everything kinda made sense. And I feel like myself, which I haven't felt for years and years. Not everyone figured out their sexual orientation at 16, sometimes people go through the motions because that's what they are "supposed to do"
At this point I do not think I am bi, I've found what I've been looking for my whole life and that is being wth a women

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Are you more attracted to men or women? When it comes to oral sex which gender do you want to give more to?

Really? Are you getting off on this or what?

No... Not getting off on this. I was just wondering what she felt. Oral sex is fun if you are attracted to the person that you are "giving" it to.. But it is I fun chore is you are not attracted to the receiving person. I am a male and I would have no problem giving oral to a female but I have no desire to put a penis in my mouth.. So if you look at the Kensey scale... I am on one side. The OP might not be on one side. She might in the middle..

You are a male???? NOOO! That was obvious dude...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just realized at 35 that I am gay, I'm a women married to a man (well separated and getting divorced) with 2 small children
After finally coming to this and telling my spouse I feel a huge weight has been lifted, I'm happier than I have been in years. My life is in total chaos but amongst the chaos I am at peace with myself. I have never felt so good
It's a personal choice how you handle this....a friend said to me "sometimes you have to make a leap even if you don't know what will happen when you fall" I feel like my kids will be better off with a happy mother even if it means living in a separate house from their father, we are still friends and will co parent the best we can

I totally disagree. This is very selfish thinking.

Why? If she was straight and divorced him for another man it would be the same...So, is divorce always selfish? This isn't the Middle Ages and Ted Cruz has not been elected president... so chill!

Np here. Kids don't give a crap if you're "happy". They would rather not absorb the whole lifetime of divorce chaos. They would rather have the parent absorb all the unhappiness and hassle so that they can best set up their lives without tons of chaos and deep wounds.

My parents divorced when I was 5 years old and my brother was 3. I'm glad they didn't absorb all the unhappiness. Yes, it got me a little unhappy here and there, but mostly because of other children's judgement. Sure, they were just repeating whatever their parents said, but I survived and very well. I'm adjusted, I'm happy and I'm even happier that my parents found their true love. My father was remarried and had 3 other children. His marriage lasted 27 years till his death. My mother remarried and her marriage also lasted 27 years, until her new husband died recently.
Kids are selfish little beings for sure, but they can survive . I found that all my pain was really inflicted by people who judged my parents (actually judged my mother, because a man on those days could do no wrong).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, wow, I'm one of the biggest advocates for staying together in a marriage that's not perfect, but sexual identity is a HUGE thing. A person cannot, by definition, live an authentic life if they keep living a lie about their sexuality.

I'd get counseling, OP, with someone who has experience with this. Just to sort it all out and give you a game plan that you feel certain about.

Huge mistake not realizing you need to bump doughnuts until after you started a family. This is a huge low IQ management disaster that will screw up the kids forever . By proxy the parents will be haunted and screwed too. What a mess.

I'm 49 and have about 20 or so friends and acquaintances my age who have parents that came out as gay after long, long marriages. Back then, people really hid it. The kids are fine. Some are gay, and therefore completely understand. I wouldn't be so quick to judge someone even now, who entered marriage as straight only to realize later they weren't, because being gay is not accepted everywhere, nor in every religion, nor just in every family. People try their best.

Anonymous wrote:^^^ I would like to add that not many people can manage divorce effectively for children , the best I have ever seen is Donald Trump and incase you haven't noticed , he has an enormous capacity of energy , brains and empathy for his exes and children's welfare. They are all totally taken care of and love him. He has the capacity for divorce and remarriage because he has the capacity to be wealthy / is a talented manager/ sleeps 4 hours a nite and puts together a life of almost perfection due to sheer will.

.... Donald Trump is an absentee parent. He has literally never changed a diaper. He has said in so many words he is not and has never been around. They're all fine because divorced or together, he was never around anyway. Please take your blathering to the political forum.

Anonymous wrote:^^^ I would like to add that not many people can manage divorce effectively for children , the best I have ever seen is Donald Trump and incase you haven't noticed , he has an enormous capacity of energy , brains and empathy for his exes and children's welfare. They are all totally taken care of and love him. He has the capacity for divorce and remarriage because he has the capacity to be wealthy / is a talented manager/ sleeps 4 hours a nite and puts together a life of almost perfection due to sheer will.

I ... What in the fuck? This is the weirdest post ever.

"I think I'm gay!"
"Donald Trump is God."

Anonymous wrote:Oh, wow, I'm one of the biggest advocates for staying together in a marriage that's not perfect, but sexual identity is a HUGE thing. A person cannot, by definition, live an authentic life if they keep living a lie about their sexuality.

I'd get counseling, OP, with someone who has experience with this. Just to sort it all out and give you a game plan that you feel certain about.

Huge mistake not realizing you need to bump doughnuts until after you started a family. This is a huge low IQ management disaster that will screw up the kids forever . By proxy the parents will be haunted and screwed too. What a mess.

^^^ I would like to add that not many people can manage divorce effectively for children , the best I have ever seen is Donald Trump and incase you haven't noticed , he has an enormous capacity of energy , brains and empathy for his exes and children's welfare. They are all totally taken care of and love him. He has the capacity for divorce and remarriage because he has the capacity to be wealthy / is a talented manager/ sleeps 4 hours a nite and puts together a life of almost perfection due to sheer will.

Oh, wow, I'm one of the biggest advocates for staying together in a marriage that's not perfect, but sexual identity is a HUGE thing. A person cannot, by definition, live an authentic life if they keep living a lie about their sexuality.

I'd get counseling, OP, with someone who has experience with this. Just to sort it all out and give you a game plan that you feel certain about.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Are you more attracted to men or women? When it comes to oral sex which gender do you want to give more to?

Really? Are you getting off on this or what?

No... Not getting off on this. I was just wondering what she felt. Oral sex is fun if you are attracted to the person that you are "giving" it to.. But it is I fun chore is you are not attracted to the receiving person. I am a male and I would have no problem giving oral to a female but I have no desire to put a penis in my mouth.. So if you look at the Kensey scale... I am on one side. The OP might not be on one side. She might in the middle..