It sounds like your relatives are over managing their children. This makes them incapable of following through and children simply ignore them. I have the same situation in my family - do this do that don't do this don't do that all day long and they boy simply ignores all if it. I allow my kids much more freedom but when I say no they usually obey or else there is a price to be paid.

KDspicer wrote:I had three little boys who never listened. I did my best. They were born in 1992, 1993, and 1995. They are amazing men. I am proud to be their mother.

NP here. This gives me hope!

I have 1 little boy who doesn't listen and every other day I think what have I gotten myself into. Love him with my heart and soul, though.

I have to say, my almost-4 year old has started listening MUCH better since I actually carried through on a consequence when he did not respond. The consequence was no books at bedtime, which he LOVES. He sobbed and sobbed like his heart was breaking, begged and pleaded to get another chance, and even though it killed me I held firm. (And gave him extra snuggles.) Since then all I have to say is "that's a one" and he gets moving (most of the time.)

However, I am not totally sold on the harsh consequences approach and don't plan to make it a mainstay, other than for truly "natural" consequences. (Like - you throw food, dinner is over.) I do think he had to start listening to me, but I don't really want to parent by constant threats. So what I am working on now is how I communicate and building in routines that he can follow instead of having to be told, as well as anticipating and heading off problems at the past.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How well do your kids listen to you? Mind what you say? I'm on vacation with family and my nieces (3 & 5YO) do not listen to their parents, not at all. Don't even pretend to. They're very sweet girls, and lots of fun, but they seem to be a bit out of control. That said, I have a 13MO so I don't know whether their behavior is typical and this is what I have to look forward to in a few years, or if it's avoidable. They'll be told "eat your dinner, don't sing at the table, take a nap or you don't go to the beach" and they don't eat their dinner, they sing at the table and they don't take a nap but go to the beach. Just curious what I have in store for me in the future (and whether or not I should stop judging my SIL )!

Well, if you're judging your SIL, you'd better be judging your brother, too.

No kid listens and obeys all the time. And on vacation, it's awfully tempting to let more things slide, because it can feel really awkward to punish your kids in front of others, especially if the consequences are that the kids don't go to the beach with everyone else, etc. I feel like I'm going to get judged either way, so I just go with what I feel is right, which is sometimes being a little looser on vacation so that I have the chance to have fun, too.

+1

Why not judge your brother, too?

I agree with those that say that I let things slide a bit more while we are on vacation. The only I would say is that if you are going to do that, don't make empty threats.

And stop judging - you have a child that is a year old.

Anonymous wrote:How well do your kids listen to you? Mind what you say? I'm on vacation with family and my nieces (3 & 5YO) do not listen to their parents, not at all. Don't even pretend to. They're very sweet girls, and lots of fun, but they seem to be a bit out of control. That said, I have a 13MO so I don't know whether their behavior is typical and this is what I have to look forward to in a few years, or if it's avoidable. They'll be told "eat your dinner, don't sing at the table, take a nap or you don't go to the beach" and they don't eat their dinner, they sing at the table and they don't take a nap but go to the beach. Just curious what I have in store for me in the future (and whether or not I should stop judging my SIL )!

Well, if you're judging your SIL, you'd better be judging your brother, too.

No kid listens and obeys all the time. And on vacation, it's awfully tempting to let more things slide, because it can feel really awkward to punish your kids in front of others, especially if the consequences are that the kids don't go to the beach with everyone else, etc. I feel like I'm going to get judged either way, so I just go with what I feel is right, which is sometimes being a little looser on vacation so that I have the chance to have fun, too.

Also, your SIL may be thinking "is this the hill I want to die on during vacation in front of family?" Taking kids out of their routine, especially young kids, is HARD on both kids and parents. You have to choose your battles wisely, otherwise your entire vacation will be filled with screaming and crying (potentially for both kids and parents!). Sounds like your SIL is working on reminders, which she could probably phrase better, but it also sounds like she is exhausted. When I use empty threats like "if you don't do X, then no beach!," it is because I am a bit at my wits end and have tried all of my other smart/creative/positive parenting tricks and this is issue # 42738 during the day that I'm trying to work with my kids on and I just want a break.

What is your brother doing during these times? Is he giving your SIL a break from the kids at all so she can enjoy her vacation? Has she had 1-2 kid free hours to herself during the day where your brother has stepped up and taken full responsibility for the kids? If not, I would encourage you to stop judging your SIL and push your brother to step up and give her a break so she can have a small slice of vacation too!

My kid frequently ignores direct requests. It's not because I ask a million times (I don't ask more than twice) or don't follow through with consequences. It's because she's three. Yes, it's important not to make threats you don't follow through on, but it's also important to remember that these are kids, with minimal impulse control and a strong urge to be independent. And that all kids have different personalities.

KDspicer wrote:I had three little boys who never listened. I did my best. They were born in 1992, 1993, and 1995. They are amazing men. I am proud to be their mother.

Thanks for posting this. I have 3 non listening boys. I test the limits of my patience daily with them! I do try to remember the long game when I get super frustrated.

To OP - I think not listening is par for the course with some kids. I do believe in follow through of consequences so would Never say if you don't nap no beach as in your example, but I do repeat myself over and over. Raising kids is not a sprint it's a marathon! I have also found that kids go through easy and difficult periods. Maybe there are some out there that are always Angels but mine each have had stages where they are fantastically well behaved and as atrocious!

I had three little boys who never listened. I did my best. They were born in 1992, 1993, and 1995. They are amazing men. I am proud to be their mother.

Thank you all! As I mentioned, I'm looking for some guidance since I don't know what's "normal" and what's "not" and what may/may not be coming my way. Sounds like bottom line: they're kids on vacay!