Anonymous wrote:No vasectomy, no sex. He can decide which he'd rather do. You've done all the work until now. It's his turn.

This.

Honestly OP, this is not what you want to hear, but if I were you I would get my tubes tied. But it sucks that he won't even consider it. He's being an ass.

Just be very clear it is up to him: Condoms or a vasectomy, his choice, and give him contact information for a urologist.

How does it take away his manhood?

-a snipped man

OP, I think that if you aren't able to use hormonal methods and can't/don't want to have a non-hormone IUD, then you are left with either barrier methods (condoms for him or diaphragm for you) or surgical options (vasectomy for him or tubes tied for you).

The barrier methods are probably not effective enough for people who are 100% sure they don't want to have another child and who had terrible pregnancies (I completely sympathize as mine were nightmares as well). And having your tubes tied is a major surgery, much more invasive, open to complications, and has a longer recovery time than a vasectomy.

You can explain to him why the various options that out birth control in your court are not feasible for you. You can tell him that either birth control is in his court or abstinence is the answer. You don't have to make it a threat.

Another idea that he may not want to bring up or admit is that he is afraid that something will happen to you or one of your children and he will not be able to have another child. While it is true that vasectomies are reversible, it is not 100%. It may at first glance seem appalling, but it really is understandable for him to want to protect his future fertility. Would he be more open to a vasectomy if he banked his sperm first? Might be worth asking, but you have to do it in a completely accepting way.

He should go find a younger woman who wants kids

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol is anybody going to offer any advice or is everyone going to just REVOLT AGAINST SEXIST MALE IDEOLOGIES!!!!

The advice is no sex.

Yes that's that's been suggested ad nauseam - anything else?

Anonymous wrote:Lol is anybody going to offer any advice or is everyone going to just REVOLT AGAINST SEXIST MALE IDEOLOGIES!!!!

The advice is no sex.

Lol is anybody going to offer any advice or is everyone going to just REVOLT AGAINST SEXIST MALE IDEOLOGIES!!!!

Anonymous wrote:No vasectomy, no sex. He can decide which he'd rather do. You've done all the work until now. It's his turn.

Yup. Remind him of how hard your pregnancies were and ALL that you did. It's his turn. Done.

Anonymous wrote:No vasectomy, no sex. He can decide which he'd rather do. You've done all the work until now. It's his turn.

This. This. This. It's his turn to take one for the team. I was just discussing this issue with my husband, who's completely on board with a vasectomy, and he flat out said, "there's no reason not to." I mean, why is your husband okay with you doing something uncomfortable--on top of the discomforts, etc. (to put it mildly) of pregnancy, childbirth, recovery--but he won't?

Practically speaking, do you know of men in your social circle who've had them done and could talk to him? That may be your best bet. I'd be too spitting mad to want to discuss it further or do any leg work, but hopefully another guy could talk some sense into him.

I told my husband I wanted to give more to less than less to more and unless he wanted 6 kids, snip snip.

BTW, we had way more sex after because there would be no more pregnancies. Your husband's manhood will be intact.

Anonymous wrote:If he doesn't want to do it you should respect his wishes not try and finagle your spouse into doing something he's against.

Then he should respect her wishes that she doesn't want to get pregnant again and be ok with no sex. Job done.

I would say that he needs to man up and do this.
- A man.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that with the second it was a C-section after 36 hours of labor. I also breastfed both children. So I'm done with doing things to my body. Come on, he can do a minor operation - it is not considered "major" operation medically. The problem with withholding sex is that I am also withholding it from myself, haha. I guess one has to do what it takes for the greater good!