I would look into The Newton School. If you are in Fairfax it would be against traffic for you.

http://www.thenewtonschool.org/

Anonymous wrote:First of all, I know exactly how you feel and would give you a big hug if I could

This sounds a lot like my son too. He is now 5 and getting much better, but he was really hard to deal with at 3.5 - 4.5. He was very defiant and oppositional. He can still be, but is nowhere near the amount he was during that time frame.

The dev ped we took him to at age 3.5 was trying to convince us that he had ASD. We just didn't see it. God even my mother was sending me articles about autism and trying to convince us. This is why we got him tested.

We recently had him tested by a neuropsych at age 5 and he got about 5 diagnoses - ADHD, DCD, Language Disorder, Unspecified anxiety and unspecified emotional/behavioral (conduct).
The neuropsych said unspecified for anxiety and the emotional disorder since my son didn't show all qualifications of those disorders and thought that some of my son's challenges were actually more a result of the language disorder and ADHD. We need to monitor him for those as he gets older.

So, anyway, he has been in a private therapeutic preschool for about 1.5 years. We had to remove him from daycare because they just could not handle, nor did they have the resources to accommodate someone like my son.

He will be going into K in the fall and the IEP team determined, along with us, that he should start in a therapeutic day school which is specifically for kids with emotional/behavioral challenges. The academic curriculum is the same for regular K, but also teaches them how to understand and work through their behavioral challenges. It is very structured. We want to help him through this early, rather than trying a wait and see approach. Hopefully he will eventually be mainstreamed. We are in another state, but I would hope they have something like that near you.

I'm not a doctor, but my initial take is what you wrote does not scream ASD to me. Sounds like he may have some other underlying things going on (possibly similar to my son, or some of the others who have posted here).

I know how you are feeling - the constant doubting of yourself wondering if you are doing the right things for your child. You are on top of this and doing a great job. It will get better ( I did not believe that either) but its true.

Wow. I do not think we have anything like this in the DC area - am I right, posters? We are in NOVA but are thinking of working with an educational consult to consider a move.

Also - OP here - I have to say, this is the first time I feel like I've truly gained some understanding as to what else might be going on. I do think that we are going to have the social pragmatics and emotional/behavioral issues, possibly DCD. It makes me feel better to know we will figure it out.

Thank you all for posting. This is OP - I really appreciate it. Just knowing there are others out there who have made it through to the other side, or a different side, makes me breathe easier. I just felt so worried when someone suggested ABA, and mentioned how important it is at ages 1-3 for kids with ASD, and I felt like we missed valuable time and like I've been doing things wrong. Everyone says treat the symptoms, but I feel like all along what we really have needed is behavioral help and it has been hard to get. I kept thinking that abating the delayed skills would correct the behavior, but it seems that for him, behavior is just part of the issue.

I also have a quick temper and get frustrated and my anxiety about the situation is not helping me be the best parent. I have read Kazdin, and we did not do it earlier because he was not ready, but I actually think it is a great idea to start that now. Thank you for reminding me. And thank you all for being great, thoughtful, careful parents who have already been doing this for longer than me and are willing to help and share. It really makes me feel less alone and sad.

He sounds like my son at 4 who has severe ADHD, sensory processing disorder, and problems with pragmatic speech. He shares features of children with ADS, but developmental pediatrician and psychiatrist ruled it out, for similar reasons to your child, joint attention, etc.. We started medicating at five and once we found the right mix, it helped tremendously. Four and five were our hardest years. He's now 7.

Possible interventions for you, OP.
Parent training with Dr. Dan Shapiro.
KKI's behavioral clinic in Columbia (although we did not have a good experience there)
Find a BCBA to observe at school and home and make recommendations
Read the Kazdin Method, Explosive Child and implement some of the charts and other positive reinforcement plans they recommend

First of all, I know exactly how you feel and would give you a big hug if I could

This sounds a lot like my son too. He is now 5 and getting much better, but he was really hard to deal with at 3.5 - 4.5. He was very defiant and oppositional. He can still be, but is nowhere near the amount he was during that time frame.

The dev ped we took him to at age 3.5 was trying to convince us that he had ASD. We just didn't see it. God even my mother was sending me articles about autism and trying to convince us. This is why we got him tested.

We recently had him tested by a neuropsych at age 5 and he got about 5 diagnoses - ADHD, DCD, Language Disorder, Unspecified anxiety and unspecified emotional/behavioral (conduct).
The neuropsych said unspecified for anxiety and the emotional disorder since my son didn't show all qualifications of those disorders and thought that some of my son's challenges were actually more a result of the language disorder and ADHD. We need to monitor him for those as he gets older.

So, anyway, he has been in a private therapeutic preschool for about 1.5 years. We had to remove him from daycare because they just could not handle, nor did they have the resources to accommodate someone like my son.

He will be going into K in the fall and the IEP team determined, along with us, that he should start in a therapeutic day school which is specifically for kids with emotional/behavioral challenges. The academic curriculum is the same for regular K, but also teaches them how to understand and work through their behavioral challenges. It is very structured. We want to help him through this early, rather than trying a wait and see approach. Hopefully he will eventually be mainstreamed. We are in another state, but I would hope they have something like that near you.

I'm not a doctor, but my initial take is what you wrote does not scream ASD to me. Sounds like he may have some other underlying things going on (possibly similar to my son, or some of the others who have posted here).

I know how you are feeling - the constant doubting of yourself wondering if you are doing the right things for your child. You are on top of this and doing a great job. It will get better ( I did not believe that either) but its true.

I don't think you've missed that much that a professional could have told you to do. You're working on setting safe limits, and that's the most important thing right now. I think a child psychiatrist might be a good choice as well as a dev ped to help your family with strategies to deal with safety, limits, and taking care of yourself as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I know I know that nobody can diagnose over the Internet. But we are waiting on seeing a new dev ped for our four year old and I'm frustrated about losing valuable time and worried. Here's the deal. Born at 34 weeks; late to sit; did early intervention for pt; walked on time. Speech issues but did not qualify for services so pursued private, always been described as "mild" speech delays, now in average range, but I can tell not as sophisticated as peers. Dev ped noted at 3 fine motor delays, attention issues, speech receptive mild delay. As a new four noted speech and fine motor improved to average range with therapy. She noted no autistic features. He makes eye contact, greets everyone, tries to engage, joint attention, attached, etc. so diagnosis was severe ADHD.

We have had continuing behavioral problems. He used to throw everything constantly. He does not follow directions. Very impulsive. Has to be watched constantly. Hits occasionally and randomly. Runs away, although this has abated. Seeks negative attention. Will do something over and over again after being asked not to as if obsessed with it. Is defiant. Tantrums every time we say no. Gets very focused on doing something he wants and freaks out if we say no. For example, we talk about going to the pool this summer. He wants to go this morning. He cries and screams when we can't go to the pool and talks about it for at least ten minutes. We are in private preschool and he is having a very difficult time. He's basically got someone with him all the time watching him.

So. Is this autism? Have we missed 4 years not doing what we should be doing? I'm angry and frustrated. The dev ped has been very superficial and I do not trust her and our appointment is not until December with a new one. He will be almost 5. We will probably medicate then.

OP- this sounds like my son at four. More severe but similar type behaviors. He was later diagnosed with ADHD and social programmatic communication disorder-- not ASD.
Of your child has issues with social pragmatics they may "look" ASD, if that makes sense, but may not fit all of the criteria. Non verbal learning disorder could also cause some of the behaviors that you describe.

+1 Sounds similar to my DD as well. Later diagnosed with ADHD, OCD, Anxiety and Social Pragmatic Disorder. Looks like ASD when under pressure, as in school. Most professionals say ASD when first meeting her, but neuropsych testing did not show ASD.

You've not missed anything. You actually sound quite on top of it, but the real causes of the behavior may not be apparent until he gets to elementary school.

What I am seeing is I guess the preschool and lack of compliance. The refusal to follow directions, and the difficulty with the social interactions at pre school. He is okay one on one, has to be watched, but will do things to get attention like knock over a tower, etc.