Anonymous wrote:My fourth grade child is a picky eater. Always was a picky eater. We make him eat what we eat for dinner. I'm not here to debate this with anyone. My question is, how long do we make him sit at the table to finish his food? The portions are super small... The food is so basic.... But he can take a hour and a half to eat. No tv on, no one around him, no distractions. He just claims he doesn't like the food and takes forever!

I used to think that kids should eat what is set in front of them - and at the same time as the family - However, I am much more relaxed and just think the only rule is that they cannot eat anything until the next meal time - if they don't eat their meal! Much happier home and child.
Redsheart_7

My kids are NOT picky eaters and generally eat anything I make but they are sooo slooow! I got a visual timer where the amount of time they have is red and as the time runs out, the red part lessens. Once time is up, I take their plate and if they're still hungry, too bad! They can wait for breakfast.

I give them 15 minutes after everyone else is done to finish so they are only sitting by themselves for 15 minutes. I sometimes have to separate them because they distract each other...

Have you tried other ways to make broccoli more palatable? I side with your son that if broccoli isn't cooked or served the way I like it, then I don't want to eat it. Thankfully, my mom isn't making me stare at it any more. In our house, my kids like to dribble soy sauce on their broccoli. My sister said that she would roast broccoli with parmesan cheese on it.

I am like a PP with a history of obesity in our family. I want my children to have control and some say in what goes into their bodies. I never force them to finish their food, and if they don't like something I cook, no problem. Say we serve chicken, broccoli and rice, and they don't like the rice because it isn't the Trader Joe's Jasmine rice but uncle ben's rice out of a box. Whatever, don't eat the rice. I really don't care. Just eat chicken and broccoli. Works for me.

I don't think OP is trying to force him to eat, just giving him normal options that he chooses not to eat.

He definitely shouldn't be sitting at the table for 90 minutes finishing his meal though. I would serve dinner for the family then have everyone enjoy your 30 minute family dinner, with good conversations and no mention of his eating whatsoever. Put it back into his hands whether he eats or not and present it as a total non-issue for you. When the 30 minutes is over, everyone cleans up the dinner table and dinner's done, no recriminations or criticism whatsoever. No snacks later in the evening. I think 30 minutes is long enough that one wouldn't reasonably feel rushed to eat, which you want to avoid.

I know you say it's not a power struggle or attention-seeking behavior but I think maybe it is - just silent instead of vocal.

You could also include something he likes in every meal, but not bread and butter or other bland foods that he can just fill up on. More like a vegetable he doesn't totally dislike or meat with a spice he doesn't frown upon. And I agree that fostering an interest in cooking by watching Masterchef or something like that could help, as long as he doesn't take it as a veiled criticism.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I do appreciate all of the feedback even when I know we may be a bit firmer than other parents on the feeding issue. Son likes bland food the best. Ours is seasoned. I don't mind not seasoning his food as much but I'm not cooking a different meal every night for him and I'm not giving him nuggets on the side every night. We sit down as a family for 30 minutes to eat. We sit with him an additional 30 minutes after to be in his area while he eats. It takes an additional 30 minutes alone for him to eat it all. It's not that he doesn't like the food, it's just that he likes it a certain way. He doesn't need cheese every time he has broccoli. If we are our of it, he still needs to eat it. He is totally fine with skipping dinner and eating at breakfast but remind you, he gets what he wants at breakfast, which contains sugar.... So at dinner, I expect one balance meal out of the day. He is a healthy and good kid. He will eat 5... Yes 5 slices of pizza at one sitting but takes one hour to eat one broccoli. Not acceptable for us. His portions are super small. Think a half of cup of each, even if that. Always welcomed for seconds or thirds.

It seems reasonable, OP, but what do you hope to get out of forcing him to eat? Do you hope that he'll eventually like those foods? Get faster at eating things he doesn't like? Improve his nutrition? Whatever your goal is, maybe there is another way to get there. Sitting for an extra half hour to choke down food you don't like seems like an exercise in parental control, rather than one in nutrition. Even if you don't see it that way, maybe he does?

For me (I'm the other parent of a picky 9 year old boy) I think what it came down to was the idea of bodily integrity, on the one hand (people don't get to tell you what to put in your body, within reason) and to preventing obesity later, which is a problem for both sides of the family. We are trying to keep my kid's own hunger cues alive and talking, and him listening to them, since my husband and I were taught to eat what was put in front of us, not to eat what our bodies were hungry to eat. So when my kid says "I am not hungry," or shows he isn't hungry enough to eat his dinner by toying with it, we take it at face value and he's excused. My kid also gets something he likes for breakfast - a peanut butter shake - so knows he can hold out. But that still means that if he doesn't want his dinner he is going to bed hungry and will just deal with it. Our kids have determination, don't they? Gotta respect that! And I do admire it, and have no desire to break it. If he is that committed to not eating the roasted brussells sprouts...well, more for me!

I will say that we have started watching master chef junior and I bought my kid some cooking gear and he picked some things he wanted to learn to cook and ate some of them. He declined to eat more than a bite of a few things he cooked. It isn't magic, but its helped a bit.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I do appreciate all of the feedback even when I know we may be a bit firmer than other parents on the feeding issue. Son likes bland food the best. Ours is seasoned. I don't mind not seasoning his food as much but I'm not cooking a different meal every night for him and I'm not giving him nuggets on the side every night. We sit down as a family for 30 minutes to eat. We sit with him an additional 30 minutes after to be in his area while he eats. It takes an additional 30 minutes alone for him to eat it all. It's not that he doesn't like the food, it's just that he likes it a certain way. He doesn't need cheese every time he has broccoli. If we are our of it, he still needs to eat it. He is totally fine with skipping dinner and eating at breakfast but remind you, he gets what he wants at breakfast, which contains sugar.... So at dinner, I expect one balance meal out of the day. He is a healthy and good kid. He will eat 5... Yes 5 slices of pizza at one sitting but takes one hour to eat one broccoli. Not acceptable for us. His portions are super small. Think a half of cup of each, even if that. Always welcomed for seconds or thirds.

Maybe...and I say this gently, OP, but maybe you don't actually want our advice? It's fine to have your own way and to feel really certain about it, but if you are convinced you are correct, it's kind of pointless to ask us what we think.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I do appreciate all of the feedback even when I know we may be a bit firmer than other parents on the feeding issue. Son likes bland food the best. Ours is seasoned. I don't mind not seasoning his food as much but I'm not cooking a different meal every night for him and I'm not giving him nuggets on the side every night. We sit down as a family for 30 minutes to eat. We sit with him an additional 30 minutes after to be in his area while he eats. It takes an additional 30 minutes alone for him to eat it all. It's not that he doesn't like the food, it's just that he likes it a certain way. He doesn't need cheese every time he has broccoli. If we are our of it, he still needs to eat it. He is totally fine with skipping dinner and eating at breakfast but remind you, he gets what he wants at breakfast, which contains sugar.... So at dinner, I expect one balance meal out of the day. He is a healthy and good kid. He will eat 5... Yes 5 slices of pizza at one sitting but takes one hour to eat one broccoli. Not acceptable for us. His portions are super small. Think a half of cup of each, even if that. Always welcomed for seconds or thirds.

You realize if he has anxiety about this, you are not helping. Thankfully, my parents did not force food upon me. It took me to my mid-20's to realize my pickiness stems from anxiety. You do not have an actual solution but are likely making the issue worse.

We have a picky eater in our house, who could sometimes just take a pass on eating anything for dinner at all. Our rule is that all of us sit down and have dinnertime together. When at least one person who has actually eaten is finished, any non-eaters are free to go as well. Until then, you can sit and visit (though there is almost always something that child will eat).

OP here. I do appreciate all of the feedback even when I know we may be a bit firmer than other parents on the feeding issue. Son likes bland food the best. Ours is seasoned. I don't mind not seasoning his food as much but I'm not cooking a different meal every night for him and I'm not giving him nuggets on the side every night. We sit down as a family for 30 minutes to eat. We sit with him an additional 30 minutes after to be in his area while he eats. It takes an additional 30 minutes alone for him to eat it all. It's not that he doesn't like the food, it's just that he likes it a certain way. He doesn't need cheese every time he has broccoli. If we are our of it, he still needs to eat it. He is totally fine with skipping dinner and eating at breakfast but remind you, he gets what he wants at breakfast, which contains sugar.... So at dinner, I expect one balance meal out of the day. He is a healthy and good kid. He will eat 5... Yes 5 slices of pizza at one sitting but takes one hour to eat one broccoli. Not acceptable for us. His portions are super small. Think a half of cup of each, even if that. Always welcomed for seconds or thirds.

My two cents FWIW.

1. He stays at the table with everyone else while they are eating - family time. When everyone else leaves the table, he may also be excused. He'll be hungry for breakfast, but no "make up" snacks. Dinner is done when it's done.

2. Don't make a big deal over what he's not eating. It only sets up more of a battle.

3. Have a conversation (exchange not argument) about food where you invite him to look through some cooking books to get some ideas, or even get a junior cooking book from the library. He's old enough to help with meal planning and preparation if it works for your family, and that could be a win win situation.

4. I agree with some other folks that the dinner you mentioned sounds a bit bland. Maybe roast the broccoli in a touch of olive oil and salt or have a squeeze of lemon for the fish to brighten the flavors up a bit. Learning to appreciate flavors is greatly enhanced by them not being a chore and many good dressings only take 2 or 3 extra minutes to prepare.

I hate plain foods maybe he wants more flavor? Are you on a diet? Kids don't need to eat diet foods. He's old enough to help you cook, watch master chef Jr. and get some cookbooks from the library and have him help prepare it

Anonymous wrote:I also have a picky 9 year old boy who has been picky since his first spoonful of babyfood. He also simply isn't much of an eater. Yeah, he'll eat super palatable things like chicken nuggets and he adores berries and chocolate ice cream. Anything else? Shrug. He'll pick at it. So now dinner is dinner, and he always gets a small bowl of chocolate ice cream for dessert, regardless. It isn't a reward. It is just what we do. He also has open access to berries to add to his dinner plate if we have them. He is slowly branching out and eating more.

I was amused the other day when he came home from school and I asked him what was for lunch at school. He said turkey sandwiches. I said something like "aw, too bad. You must be hungry," knowing he refuses to eat sandwiches, particularly lunch meat. He said "Nah. I ate it. Didn't like it, but I ate it. I was really, really hungry." Victory! He finally was hungry enough to eat something that wasn't a favorite. It will happen, OP. But it will happen on his time, not yours. Put something he likes on the table every night, along with whatever else is dinner. Sit down as a family and eat (or not). Have dessert if that is a family tradition. When dinner is over, leave the table. He'll eat more over time.

Yes, these victories are so sweet when they happen! I remember how excited I was when my yogurt and cracker eating son finally ate a McDonald's hamburger. Appalling but true. He has now branched out to homemade burgers, chicken patties, chicken breast, steak, ribs and more.

I also have a picky 9 year old boy who has been picky since his first spoonful of babyfood. He also simply isn't much of an eater. Yeah, he'll eat super palatable things like chicken nuggets and he adores berries and chocolate ice cream. Anything else? Shrug. He'll pick at it. So now dinner is dinner, and he always gets a small bowl of chocolate ice cream for dessert, regardless. It isn't a reward. It is just what we do. He also has open access to berries to add to his dinner plate if we have them. He is slowly branching out and eating more.

I was amused the other day when he came home from school and I asked him what was for lunch at school. He said turkey sandwiches. I said something like "aw, too bad. You must be hungry," knowing he refuses to eat sandwiches, particularly lunch meat. He said "Nah. I ate it. Didn't like it, but I ate it. I was really, really hungry." Victory! He finally was hungry enough to eat something that wasn't a favorite. It will happen, OP. But it will happen on his time, not yours. Put something he likes on the table every night, along with whatever else is dinner. Sit down as a family and eat (or not). Have dessert if that is a family tradition. When dinner is over, leave the table. He'll eat more over time.

Anonymous wrote:My parents made me sit, on my own, for however long it took to finish. I wasn't picky I just didn't have the appetite they thought I should.

I will reiterate, serve something you know he likes.
When everyone else is finished so is he. If he didn't eat then he didn't eat. Don't focus on the food.

Honestly to a picky kid fish, broccoli and bland rice sounds pretty awful I'm thinking. I'm all for the "you eat what we eat" approach but there must be some way to not make meal time miserable.

I cannot tell you how much I disliked knowing meal time was coming. Oh great, time to sit there trying to cram down food I don't want. Fun, fun!!

Saute the same broccoli in butter and a pinch of salt, tastes heavenly and kids love it. Or you can take his portion of rice, put some butter in a skillet and saute some peas and corn, pinch of salt and add rice. Way tastier than plain steamed rice. I think it's not a good idea to force him to eat foods he doesn't like.

My parents made me sit, on my own, for however long it took to finish. I wasn't picky I just didn't have the appetite they thought I should.

I will reiterate, serve something you know he likes.
When everyone else is finished so is he. If he didn't eat then he didn't eat. Don't focus on the food.

Honestly to a picky kid fish, broccoli and bland rice sounds pretty awful I'm thinking. I'm all for the "you eat what we eat" approach but there must be some way to not make meal time miserable.

I cannot tell you how much I disliked knowing meal time was coming. Oh great, time to sit there trying to cram down food I don't want. Fun, fun!!