Anonymous wrote:OP here. As I said, my DD does NOT have a phone or her own device. These other girls do. My DD uses our shared family device and I monitor her texting which I began to allow after she showed me she could be responsible.

Like it or not, from my understanding most kids get phones in middle school and begin texting. When my daughter asked about it this seemed like a way to teach her about online communication by talking about it together and me helping her manage it by reading and limiting access.

In terms of diversifying her friend portfolio- yes we are doing that as much as we can. We are new to the area and at a small public school with not a ton of girls in the grade. I'm anxious to move on to middle school where there will be a bigger pond for her to swim in, friend-wise. My daughter is also somewhat shy and anxious which is a bit of a hurdle in meeting new friends. We are working on that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a sixth grader and we don't allow texting. It's not that hard. Just don't do it.

And your daughter needs some social skills to build up her resilience, and perhaps you need to back away some too. I don't see anything egregious in the communications from the girls you describe as "drama girl" and "pot stirrer" - they are doing exactly what your own daughter did which is to express their opinions of someone else's behavior. Not a big deal.

Good luck with that one, Mom. That will last 5 minutes. No sixth grader does not have access to a phone or computer these days.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a sixth grader and we don't allow texting. It's not that hard. Just don't do it.

And your daughter needs some social skills to build up her resilience, and perhaps you need to back away some too. I don't see anything egregious in the communications from the girls you describe as "drama girl" and "pot stirrer" - they are doing exactly what your own daughter did which is to express their opinions of someone else's behavior. Not a big deal.

Good luck with that one, Mom. That will last 5 minutes. No sixth grader does not have access to a phone or computer these days.

My daughter is in 7th and doesn't have a phone. She uses the family computer for a little bit of homework only. Only in the entitled world of DCUM do you assume every 6th grader is texting away. Elementary school is just downright terrible parenting.

Anonymous wrote:I am all about teaching DD to stand her ground. No one is allowed to tell you about yourself.

That said, my read is that school is a jungle, and my DD needs tools to make it through. My entire adult job had something to do with the fact that I could deflect criticism. I wish I could do that in school. If someone said something to me like something was "rude" or "not cool," as an adult, I had to defend myself. It means being sure of who you are and not being afraid of telling other people about the hard work you're doing.

I don't believe that your limiting text time is going to minimize the attacks. She is caught up in a bully loop and I personally believe she has to stand her ground and be the bigger bully to get herself out of it. Not hurt other people, but stand up to people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a sixth grader and we don't allow texting. It's not that hard. Just don't do it.

And your daughter needs some social skills to build up her resilience, and perhaps you need to back away some too. I don't see anything egregious in the communications from the girls you describe as "drama girl" and "pot stirrer" - they are doing exactly what your own daughter did which is to express their opinions of someone else's behavior. Not a big deal.

Good luck with that one, Mom. That will last 5 minutes. No sixth grader does not have access to a phone or computer these days.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I made my DD diversify her friend portfolio - when one set were not working out I'd nudge her towards other kids. She never even realized she was too busy for the problem kids.

You manipulate your tween's friendships? Get a life lady

Sorry, whomever you are...you are dead[u] wrong. I am a teacher, not the OP. She is absolutely correct in monitoring her kids' online interactions, in fact, it's paramount that she does, especially at this age, but particularly as they get older.What goes on online now is not for the meek. Its brutal, divisive, and dangerous. Yes, we were all bullied to some degree as kids, but texting, FB, KICK, Snapchat, ( I could go on...) takes that power to a whole new level. Lives are ruined by this, and suicide is not unusual. Now, the whole mayonnaise is a very mild foreshadowing of what online interactions can do, but take note of what really is going on.

The girls choose to do this in a text- not on the phone, not in person.
They combined forces to to this.
They had a purpose- and it really wasn't about the "ewww" comment, most likely. They were looking for ways to control her. BTW- it NEVER is really about what it looks like.
The fact that these girls feel it is their job to censure her means that there will be other times,and that there are "rules." They have already set up a situation where they have discussed her comment, made a decision as to her "right" to say it to the girl- that means they are deciding on the pecking order here, not the comment. The fact that she had to continually apologize to them shows us the dynamic here.

Is this new? The behavior is not, the method and the power is. Take note.
Yeah, and this is nothing. It gets incrementally worse if not nipped in the bud.

I can suggest some reading material, but OP MOM, continue to monitor.

So what happens later online, if this is nacent? Just wait.....

Anonymous wrote:I see two separate issues here.

First, I think you need to explain to your daughter that even joking about what another person eats is not appropriate. The drama you are speaking about started with your daughter hurting another child's feelings, even if she did not intent that to happen. Your daughter needs to understand her role in this situation, which it sounds like she does because she said she was sorry. Talk to her about how this is a lesson learned for next time.

Second, texting is an easy way for girl A to let your daughter know she did not like what she said. It is likely much harder for girl A to speak these words - texting gives her strength. I don't think girl B should have been involved and I do agree that adds to the drama. But again, the initial joking about food by your daughter and response by girl A is not drama - it is an exchange of unkind words started by your daughter.

Please don't take this as an attack on you personally or your daughter. I just want to provide an outsiders perspective based on the information you shared. I think it is fine to allow DD to text with her friends and it is great you are monitoring the texts. Use this is an opportunity to teach DD how to interact differently with her friends.

Anonymous wrote:I have a sixth grader and we don't allow texting. It's not that hard. Just don't do it.

And your daughter needs some social skills to build up her resilience, and perhaps you need to back away some too. I don't see anything egregious in the communications from the girls you describe as "drama girl" and "pot stirrer" - they are doing exactly what your own daughter did which is to express their opinions of someone else's behavior. Not a big deal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I made my DD diversify her friend portfolio - when one set were not working out I'd nudge her towards other kids. She never even realized she was too busy for the problem kids.

You manipulate your tween's friendships? Get a life lady

Anonymous wrote:I have a sixth grader and we don't allow texting. It's not that hard. Just don't do it.

And your daughter needs some social skills to build up her resilience, and perhaps you need to back away some too. I don't see anything egregious in the communications from the girls you describe as "drama girl" and "pot stirrer" - they are doing exactly what your own daughter did which is to express their opinions of someone else's behavior. Not a big deal.

Anonymous wrote:This is why I made my DD diversify her friend portfolio - when one set were not working out I'd nudge her towards other kids. She never even realized she was too busy for the problem kids.

Anonymous wrote:I see two separate issues here.

First, I think you need to explain to your daughter that even joking about what another person eats is not appropriate. The drama you are speaking about started with your daughter hurting another child's feelings, even if she did not intent that to happen. Your daughter needs to understand her role in this situation, which it sounds like she does because she said she was sorry. Talk to her about how this is a lesson learned for next time.

Second, texting is an easy way for girl A to let your daughter know she did not like what she said. It is likely much harder for girl A to speak these words - texting gives her strength. I don't think girl B should have been involved and I do agree that adds to the drama. But again, the initial joking about food by your daughter and response by girl A is not drama - it is an exchange of unkind words started by your daughter.

Please don't take this as an attack on you personally or your daughter. I just want to provide an outsiders perspective based on the information you shared. I think it is fine to allow DD to text with her friends and it is great you are monitoring the texts. Use this is an opportunity to teach DD how to interact differently with her friends.