Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whoa OP, it doesn't sound like you're a failure! You raised two kids, have hobbies, have a house and a garden and a marriage. Enjoy what you have, and don't worry about how you compare to others. There is always someone doing better and someone doing worse.

This. You have so much, don't take it for granted.

this !

My DW left me for someone else and let me tell you starting over at 53 is not a picnic !

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going to be 58 this year and I have been a failure at everything I've tried in life. I had a half-hearted career which I quit to raise two kids, who are now college age. Both of them are struggling with the transition to adulthood. I'm not a great homemaker, my house is not nicely decorated and my garden is a weed-ridden mess, and I just bleached half the color out of my dish towels. I don't have a lot of friends. My husband puts up with me because he lives to work and I make that possible for him. I have had a few hobbies in my life and I've been pretty bad at them. Now I have one that I'm astoundingly bad at. Is it too late for me to turn this around and become good at something?

OP, I have made a career out of being an underachiever. Now I am back in school trying something new and having the time of my life. Classmates are 1/2 my age but I get new ideas and they learn a lot from my experiences. It's never too late! In fact I saved a bunch of articles about people making later in life changes to inspire me. If I can do it so can you.

I did this too, got my Masters at 46 and had a ball. Totally changed my self-perception.
BTW, can you add a link to those articles?

OP, you sound like you are humble and you care about your kids.

As far as I'm concerned, you're way more successful at being a decent human than a lot of people.

I don't think being successful at life means being really good at something. I actually think that it's learning to have empathy, self awareness, compassion. It's learning that so much of the ridiculous things we fixate on and compete over aren't really important in the grand scheme of things. It's being able to see through appearance and have at least a little sense of what is really real.

I also think that developing all of those traits and coming to that awareness involves some sadness, because it means you have become sensitive to the underlying suffering and struggles going on in the world around you.

It doesn't mean you have failed. And it's okay to feel sad sometimes or worry about your children or even have a tough time with something.

That doesn't mean you are a failure. It means you are a human. And the first step to finding some joy is to give ease up on yourself.

Your kids are lucky to have a mom like you.

You sound like you have a sense of humor! I bet you are fun to hang out with - which is more important than anything else. Buck up!! I like you from one post!

(Astoundingly bad? Hahahaha)

Hobbies aren't things to be good at, they are things to enjoy. Try finding something you like whether you are "good" at it or not.

Anonymous wrote:Whoa OP, it doesn't sound like you're a failure! You raised two kids, have hobbies, have a house and a garden and a marriage. Enjoy what you have, and don't worry about how you compare to others. There is always someone doing better and someone doing worse.

+1! And, OP, the beauty of a hobby is that you don't have to be good at it. It's for enjoyment, not achievement. You're doing fine!

Anonymous wrote:I am going to be 58 this year and I have been a failure at everything I've tried in life. I had a half-hearted career which I quit to raise two kids, who are now college age. Both of them are struggling with the transition to adulthood. I'm not a great homemaker, my house is not nicely decorated and my garden is a weed-ridden mess, and I just bleached half the color out of my dish towels. I don't have a lot of friends. My husband puts up with me because he lives to work and I make that possible for him. I have had a few hobbies in my life and I've been pretty bad at them. Now I have one that I'm astoundingly bad at. Is it too late for me to turn this around and become good at something?

OP, I have made a career out of being an underachiever. Now I am back in school trying something new and having the time of my life. Classmates are 1/2 my age but I get new ideas and they learn a lot from my experiences. It's never too late! In fact I saved a bunch of articles about people making later in life changes to inspire me. If I can do it so can you.

None of this sounds all that bad! Seriously, who cares if your garden is full of weeds and your house is not well decorated? There's way more to life than that.

You need to work on feeling better about yourself, and the rest will be fine.

One has learning disabilities and has been struggling in college and the other is in college and working, very bright but has no clue what she wants to do. Both are struggling socially. I am trying to wean them off the spoon feeding, and having a tough time with it.

So what are your offspring struggling with? Are they in college? That's no cakewalk. Are they working? Are they trying to establish some independence but still want to be spoon fed? Totally the norm now and not a reflection on you as a parent.

Hobbies are for enjoying, not for bring good at.

It's important that kids struggle in their transition to adulthood. That means that you are giving them room to make their own decisions and make mistakes. I agree with the other pps who say that you should try out some new hobbies. I sense that you are judging yourself far worse than your children and husband.

You may need to get off the meds. At least get a second opinion.

I'm a guy the same age with not really but sort of the same issues. My advice is to get outside. Being among the trees is shown in studies to improve creativity and reduce stress. Start with a walk in the park. Research trails online or in hiking books and do something more ambitious over a couple of hours or so. It helps me. A side benefit is it helps keep my appetite in control and my weight down without really trying.

Yes. I've been taking Prozac for about 17 years. I just started seeing a counsellor.