Oops, those parentheses got screwed up!

Honestly, most people I know in this situation have both a nanny and parents nearby who are retired and able to take the kids whenever (this is what my brother and his wife, both surgeons) did when they had kids - they moved halfway across the country to live near my parents. It helped that the cost of living is better too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't have two demanding careers and a baby. Sorry

False.

My husband and I are both full time physicians. My 2.5 year old has been in daycare since age 6 months. We do a lot of schedule planning to make it work but it does. And we aren't 8-5 physicians either, we take call, work a lot. We just put a lot of time into planning. We strongly prefer day care. My son has received awesome care and learns a lot during the preschool portion of the day.

You don't have to give up your career. You might have to make some scheduling compromises. But you can do it.

+1. It's all about making a schedule a group thing. Before either of us commits to meetings outside of the typical business day we confirm with each other and make a plan.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the real world, even with a nanny, someone decides to step back a little. It's part of the reality of deciding to become parents -- you are not first anymore. It's a good reminder that you should be working to live, not living to work.

Sorry if that seems harsh, but so many people seem to think that having kids means nothing's got to give. The big change over the years means that it's not necessarily the mother who has to do the stepping back.

OP here--that's not harsh at all, it's very real and also part of our math here. I'm just trying to understand the spectrum of what people do, because even with us both stepping back some, neither of us is likely to have a predictable 40 hour week every week in anything resembling our current roles.

Both my husband and I travel and have unpredictable jobs at times (evening or early morning events, weekends etc). We just made a choice to both step back and work more typical work hours when we can and when we can't the other makes sure they are there so our son can be on the amazing center by our house. Periodically we have the help of our parents (like when we both have to travel at the same time). Are your emplyeers flexible? I'd ask coworkers or your boss your options because many are more flexible than you think. I was a workaholic and never thought I would cut back some but I miss my son when I'm gone and I can't wait to get home to him every day.

We moved because of this closer to family and I, DW, requested to become remote for my company while my husband travels 4 days per week. It's difficult but for us this was the best option. Now I work from the house and my mom or dad (divorced they take turns) help me out during the day with a 2 and 5 years old. When we are both out of town overnight (which happens about 1-2 xs per month) my mom stay at my house with the kids.

After I had our first down in DC I was overwhelmed by the idea of daycare and strangers raising my kids so we made a dramatic move. DH is traveling overseas most of this summer and the kids and I will visit but the stability of family has helped us tremendously.

Do what works for you and be honest with yourself. It will work out.

You'll need two nannies probably. Can't expect one person to do more than 10 hrs in a row and then come back the next day, kwim? Unless you pay enough to make it worth their while. But it would have to be pretty generous comp.

It sounds like you are going to need time-and-a half help with child care, at least for a while. Could be day care and au pair, nanny and backup babysitter/nanny, day care and nanny... These options will give you the help you need and also limit the single-point-of failure problem. But it won't be cheap.

Import grandma. If you are going to have your baby bond with someone else, wouldnt you rather have it be family? If i were in yr shoes, Id have a part time nanny relieve grandma. No one in my opinion should have to be completely on duty with a kid other than their own for more than 8 hrs a day.
The times my mom (who lives in ca but came for months when We needed help) spent with my babies were the best times of her life-- she is now at the end, and we all cherish those times and are grateful our kids had that bond.

Personally, we did day care and loved it. Both of us stepped bavk in hrs at the office, but it didnt impact productivity, just facetime. But that may not work for some professions. Agree w the pp about "single point of failure" risk. I also think daycare babies benefit from more social stimulation with peers.

Live in nanny or au pair

Anonymous wrote:You can't have two demanding careers and a baby. Sorry

False.

My husband and I are both full time physicians. My 2.5 year old has been in daycare since age 6 months. We do a lot of schedule planning to make it work but it does. And we aren't 8-5 physicians either, we take call, work a lot. We just put a lot of time into planning. We strongly prefer day care. My son has received awesome care and learns a lot during the preschool portion of the day.

You don't have to give up your career. You might have to make some scheduling compromises. But you can do it.

You can't have two demanding careers and a baby. Sorry

I'm afraid to say I've seen a few women leave their careers for this problem. I'm not saying this will happen to you. But babies sleep about 12 hours a night, and parents who get home late and leave early sometimes discover that they are literally able to see their child for an hour a day or less. Adding in your travel, you may go multiple days without seeing your baby. But if these are the jobs you need to have, a nanny may work.

Can you accommodate a live in nanny?

Anonymous wrote:Au pair mom here. You can't pay them extra for babysitting outside of the legally mandated 45 hours per week they are allowed by the US govt to work. With preschool, though, au pairs usually work for the work week.

OP, I mommy tracked myself because I felt I was missing too much working 60 hour weeks. I dropped down to 40 and telework most of the time. It hurt for a while to see others that I felt were less talented get ahead, but after my youngest was out of diapers and in preschool, I found that I could pick up more work and travel more, and I am now doing great at work (and transferred to a new role with a better boss!).

You will find the right path for you -- be open to the possibilities and go with the choices that make you feel like you won't regret them in the future. It's okay to choose to prioritize anything that works for you!

Sorry, this sounds incomprehensible. What I meant is, with 3 hours of preschool a day, your au pair can work 9 hours per weekday, so they can help with dropoff in the morning and then pick up your kid and work into the early evening, which works for us even with busier work schedules.

Au pair mom here. You can't pay them extra for babysitting outside of the legally mandated 45 hours per week they are allowed by the US govt to work. With preschool, though, au pairs usually work for the work week.

OP, I mommy tracked myself because I felt I was missing too much working 60 hour weeks. I dropped down to 40 and telework most of the time. It hurt for a while to see others that I felt were less talented get ahead, but after my youngest was out of diapers and in preschool, I found that I could pick up more work and travel more, and I am now doing great at work (and transferred to a new role with a better boss!).

You will find the right path for you -- be open to the possibilities and go with the choices that make you feel like you won't regret them in the future. It's okay to choose to prioritize anything that works for you!