Anonymous
Post 05/10/2016 23:26     Subject: Psycho estranged mother invaded my Mother's Day
Anonymous wrote:She sounds severely mentally ill. Who is helping her get treatment, since you're apparently not up for the task?


OP here. I've sought a lot of advice about her over the decades and the concensus -- both from my own therapists and three relatives who are therapists-- is that she has a personality disorder. It's not something you can medicate away like a mood disorder or anxiety. Therapy for these disorders can work eventually if the person really wants it and works hard at. The problem is, people with these disorders, my mother included, think that there is nothing wrong with them. To her, everyone is either an appendage that exists to serve her, the main organism, or an enemy. If you suggest she did something wrong you become the enemy. First she gas lights (person with criticism is very ill, selfish, or deluded). Then she rages. Then she starts rallyimg her flying monkeys - a couple of sycophantic friends and her sister -- to go after the person who crossed her.

This woman has never apologized for anything in her life, nor admitted even the slightlest imperfection.

When I was a kid my brother tried to kill himself and the doctor recommended family therapy. We all went once. My mother spent the entire session complaining about how her husband and kids were ungrateful, cruel, and more trouble than she could bear. I was ten. Brother was thirteen. My brother actually asked the therapist to take us away from her.

Bottom line, therapy is for people who want to change. It's for people who want to have decent relationships and be their best selves. It's not for someone who believes that the best change involves bullying others into buying what you're selling.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2016 23:04     Subject: Psycho estranged mother invaded my Mother's Day
She sounds severely mentally ill. Who is helping her get treatment, since you're apparently not up for the task?
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2016 22:39     Subject: Re:Psycho estranged mother invaded my Mother's Day
If my grown kids cut me out of their life, I think I'd go crazy too.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2016 21:14     Subject: Psycho estranged mother invaded my Mother's Day
Anonymous wrote:We don't know why you are estranged from your mom, so we can't accurately judge who is the crazy one. But you SOUND sane, OP, so I give you my sympathies as a leap of faith.


I think the crazy texts and appearing on her doorstep give a pretty good clue who is the crazy one here.

If the mom was sane and OP crazy, I suspect she would use different tactics to try and reach out to her daughter.


OP, I am sorry.

Anonymous
Post 05/10/2016 18:16     Subject: Re:Psycho estranged mother invaded my Mother's Day
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the solidarity. To be clear, I have had her blocked for years. She got a new number, woke me up, and freaked me out. I got in the shower before blocking that new number, which is now blocked.

Make no mistake, though. All someone has to do is get a new number if they want to get through to you.

After years with this person harassing me I shouldn't have responded. It gets exhausting to have to look around corners.

We've considered a restraining order but this contact is intermittent and she hasn't threatened us.

My cell phone number is associated with a million things from school emergency contact sheet to credit cards and business cards or I'd change it.

Today is a better day. We had to talk to my daughter yesterday about safety and never getting in someone's car. She's had that talk before but it seemed more pressing now.

Phone line is quiet and email block is set.

On another note, sometimes I follow DCUM threads about abusive mothers and I see so much negativity. Those victim blaming and "suck it up and grow up" posts look so much like my own parents' gaslighting that I was hesitant to even post this vent.

Thanks for not doing that. I'm an adult with a good life. It's just challenging to know she's going to bust down our firewall every so often. I don't even know what it would be like to have a mother to care about or even as a neutral and distant party. Mine has always been a threat like hurricane season or mosquitoes. There's no accommodating it-- just protective measures.

Considering that i have no parental figures and had to come up with a plan for marriage and parenthood with no role models I think I get by pretty well. I also know that you have to be a functional orphan to know what it's like to build these things from scratch.

Again, it's worked out ok. People with parents like mine tend to fall into one of three categories: broken and helpless; broken and aggressive (the gas lighters) or pathologically efficient and unstoppable. I tend to be in the last category, though at the moment I texted back I was on high alert, scared as hell the hurricane was about to hit.



Difficult, but so smart. You rock, OP!
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2016 17:57     Subject: Psycho estranged mother invaded my Mother's Day
Sorry OP and PPs. I've been estranged from my mother for almost 10 years. Every once in a while I get contacted, similar situation as yours.

I often think how I am protecting MY family from her lunacy, my little girl will never know her wrath.

She still haunts me in my dreams. It sucks. But glad to hear I am not alone.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2016 17:46     Subject: Psycho estranged mother invaded my Mother's Day
We don't know why you are estranged from your mom, so we can't accurately judge who is the crazy one. But you SOUND sane, OP, so I give you my sympathies as a leap of faith.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2016 17:06     Subject: Re:Psycho estranged mother invaded my Mother's Day
Anonymous wrote:I have a feeling the apple didn't fall far from the tree. Your post sounds bizarre.


Does that mean that your mom is crazy/mean too? Seems like a good bet considering your post!
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2016 17:00     Subject: Re:Psycho estranged mother invaded my Mother's Day
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have a feeling the apple didn't fall far from the tree. Your post sounds bizarre.


Hi Mom.


Aaaaaaaahhhhh she found u again!!!

I mean- who dis?
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2016 16:04     Subject: Re:Psycho estranged mother invaded my Mother's Day
Anonymous wrote:I have a feeling the apple didn't fall far from the tree. Your post sounds bizarre.


How nasty and uncalled for.

There's always one like you.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2016 13:11     Subject: Re:Psycho estranged mother invaded my Mother's Day
Anonymous wrote:I have a feeling the apple didn't fall far from the tree. Your post sounds bizarre.


Hi Mom.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2016 13:02     Subject: Re:Psycho estranged mother invaded my Mother's Day
I have a feeling the apple didn't fall far from the tree. Your post sounds bizarre.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2016 12:38     Subject: Re:Psycho estranged mother invaded my Mother's Day
People with parents like mine tend to fall into one of three categories: broken and helpless; broken and aggressive (the gas lighters) or pathologically efficient and unstoppable. I tend to be in the last category, though at the moment I texted back I was on high alert, scared as hell the hurricane was about to hit.


That's me, too! I'm sorry to say that my story is somewhat similar to yours - you are definitely not alone and those of us who've been through it, totally understand and support what you've done to create some sanity and well being in your life. Hugs.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2016 09:44     Subject: Psycho estranged mother invaded my Mother's Day
Next time she texts you from a new number reply "new phone, who dis?". Then block again.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2016 09:34     Subject: Re:Psycho estranged mother invaded my Mother's Day
PP here: I am sorry that your mom was so ugly on Mother's Day.