Anonymous wrote:Depends on what kind of relationship you want.

If he is a confidant go getter, he WILL text you if he is interested.

If you're ok with a shy, more passive guy, then go ahead and text.

I wouldn't be.

The problem with this is that it assumes that he is passive and shy because he isn't asking you out. It's likely that you are one of many women on his radar. Men don't usually just have one woman that they pine after and "chase" until she relents, like some Nora Ephron screenplay. Men are more like door to door salesman. And today, you are competing with things like Tinder, where a guy can just "swipe" dozens of women at a time.

Anonymous wrote:Don't do it. A man wants to chase. It's a thrill.

I'm as feminist and leftist as they get. But I know biology is biology. At the very base-- men want to chase woman. It won't work otherwise.

I know all the women who chased their men ended in divorced. If the man chased -- he treasures what he "caught". The key is my DH *thinks* he caught me --- I knew I wanted him, so I played the good game. 20 years later he still tells me how lucky he feels he "got" me. Ha ha lol.

Don't chase. If he doesn't like you enough to reach out - it won't work out 20+ years plus. Find a man willing to fight to get you.

Agree.

Depends on what kind of relationship you want.

If he is a confidant go getter, he WILL text you if he is interested.

If you're ok with a shy, more passive guy, then go ahead and text.

I wouldn't be.

Do your fingers work? Then yes

Anonymous wrote:Don't do it. A man wants to chase. It's a thrill.

I'm as feminist and leftist as they get. But I know biology is biology. At the very base-- men want to chase woman. It won't work otherwise.

I know all the women who chased their men ended in divorced. If the man chased -- he treasures what he "caught". The key is my DH *thinks* he caught me --- I knew I wanted him, so I played the good game. 20 years later he still tells me how lucky he feels he "got" me. Ha ha lol.

Don't chase. If he doesn't like you enough to reach out - it won't work out 20+ years plus. Find a man willing to fight to get you.

This is such lame advice that women routinely give to each other. Plenty of women who were "chased" get divorced as well. This strikes me as an ad hoc rationalization to protect your ego and deal with fears of rejection. It's flattering to have people ask you out. It's scary and risky to ask other people out. But the spoils often go to the bold.

And it's not really "chasing" to just be a grown-up and ask someone out to lunch or a casual get-together. Obviously, if you're repeatedly throwing yourself at the same guy who isn't interested, it doesn't bode well. But that's also true for men asking women out. After one, or maybe two, polite tries, just move on.

I think women would be better off if they took more of an active role in choosing their dates instead of just being passive. Just sitting back and "waiting for the right guy" to approach means a lot of decent guys may overlook you and move on. It's like a fisherman who just waits for fish to jump into his boat. Sometimes fish do that, but not many -- and they aren't necessarily the most desirable fish.

Much of life is just catching those fleeting opportunities before they pass. Cast your net wider so you will have more to choose from.

I am male, by the way.

Of course. I'm 45, married to an amazing guy for 15 yrs. When we met, I called him and pursued.

Don't do it. A man wants to chase. It's a thrill.

I'm as feminist and leftist as they get. But I know biology is biology. At the very base-- men want to chase woman. It won't work otherwise.

I know all the women who chased their men ended in divorced. If the man chased -- he treasures what he "caught". The key is my DH *thinks* he caught me --- I knew I wanted him, so I played the good game. 20 years later he still tells me how lucky he feels he "got" me. Ha ha lol.

Don't chase. If he doesn't like you enough to reach out - it won't work out 20+ years plus. Find a man willing to fight to get you.

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the man. Of course! You're pursuing. Nothing wrong with stating your intent vs. remaining passive waiting by the phone. If he's not interested or turned off by the role reversal, you'll soon know. No big deal.

Hopefully she'll know. Some guys will just go with it because they don't have to expend any effort and then disappear afterwards. By then the woman is often left confused about what happened.

Depends on the man. Of course! You're pursuing. Nothing wrong with stating your intent vs. remaining passive waiting by the phone. If he's not interested or turned off by the role reversal, you'll soon know. No big deal.

No. It will get bounced back by the 1948 filter.

"Hi -- it was great to spend time with you yesterday! Can I interest you in dinner next week?"

Easy. Breezy. You are a grown lady in the 21st century. You can do this thing.

"I tend to let men take the first step. It's an indicator they are into you rather than being lazy and just dating the girl who likes them. Plus unfortunately I think the chase thing has some merit.

But sometimes I do make contact first when I fear I didn't show enough interest. I am not good at flirting and sometimes come across as uninterested I think."

This! One well-timed text (meaning after 24 hours or so) letting him know you're open to being asked out is fine. But if you have to do the chasing, the response you'll get will be because he's taking the lazy way out of dating, not because he's really into you, and I doubt it'll go far. Now, if you're just looking for a fling, that's perfectly fine. Just don't expect much, if you're chasing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Let men chase you. It never works out the other way around.

It always worked for me, the other way around. Guys are very flattered to be asked. They almost never say "no." I was usually the person asking first and I was always the person who was breaking up.

They're just passive wussies in other words.

Anonymous wrote:No. Let men chase you. It never works out the other way around.

It always worked for me, the other way around. Guys are very flattered to be asked. They almost never say "no." I was usually the person asking first and I was always the person who was breaking up.

Do you make more money vs him? If so yes you are the one in control.