Anonymous wrote:
I am no health nut, and enjoy the occasional junk, but honestly, for me this WOULD be a hill to die on. You are what you eat, and there's just no getting around that.

I'm French: we don't snack all day, we eat dinner as a family, we have regular mealtimes and when we go out we don't bring food unless it's a picnic lunch. If the kids are hungry outside of mealtime hours, they wait. Learning to manage hunger and eat normal portions is just as important as choosing what kind of foods to eat.

Don't be afraid of putting your foot down with MIL, but at the same time communicate positively with your children so that they are on your side! Don't make it punitive. Constantly talk to them about healthy choices and being strong and long-lived. Offer them your healthy versions of treats and make them yummy! That way they won't resent your restrictions.

This people, this! Learn from this woman!

I am no health nut, and enjoy the occasional junk, but honestly, for me this WOULD be a hill to die on. You are what you eat, and there's just no getting around that.

I'm French: we don't snack all day, we eat dinner as a family, we have regular mealtimes and when we go out we don't bring food unless it's a picnic lunch. If the kids are hungry outside of mealtime hours, they wait. Learning to manage hunger and eat normal portions is just as important as choosing what kind of foods to eat.

Don't be afraid of putting your foot down with MIL, but at the same time communicate positively with your children so that they are on your side! Don't make it punitive. Constantly talk to them about healthy choices and being strong and long-lived. Offer them your healthy versions of treats and make them yummy! That way they won't resent your restrictions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn't that the point of grandparents?

Not the OP, but no. I hate the idea that anyone's role is to spoil kids, or be the disciplinarian, etc. My kids grandparents role is to be two more people in their lives who are stable and responsible and love them and give them a biological tie to their family, etc. It's not to giggle behind my back while sneaking them cookies.

+1
I don't mind a few things being more relaxed with grandparents, but it is infuriating to consistently have them undermine our healthy habits. We don't use grandparents as childcare, but it can still be a few times a week, and MIL regularly brings our kids bags of candy and boxes of cookies. Whenever possible they disappear without being opened.

we had this problem since grandparents are our aftercare. instead of saying no junk period we limit it to a single serving. so one ice cream sandwich not 2 with a handful of cookies. I also will tell the kids as well as my folks to hold back on a day I might want to take them out to dinner or something. my kids know our house rules. they know if they ate junk at the grandparents they wont get the special going out junk later. this compromise has helped in our house since grandparents still get to give them junk, it isn't a forbidden fruit so they don't stuff themselves, and I still get to have fun with them on occasion.

I have no solutions, but lots of sympathy for you OP. Some people have a very unhealthy relationship with food. It took me until high school to start rejecting my parent's food and asking for vegetables and a balanced diet. It took an incredible amount of willpower that 6 and 8 year olds don't have yet. My parents believe in treating yourself every day with cake, cookies and candy bars. They even give their dogs extra treats because they think it buys their love. We've already had fights because they talk about all the cookies they're going to bake for my unborn child. And when I say anything, they tell me it's the price you pay for free babysitting. I don't need free babysitting though, I just want my kids to have a relationship with grandparents.

I do understand where you're coming from OP. It feels bad when their choices make you the "bad guy" in comparison.

No one likes to be put in that role. Especially because someone else claims easier and more fun one. Some may think you're being overly restrictive about food, but in the end you're the parent. It sucks that your in laws feel they can override your requests.

If you decide it really bothers you and you want to try again with your in-laws, why not talk to your kids' pediatrician? See what he or she thinks about it. If the pediatrician says it's a good idea to have the grandparents pull back on the desserts/junk food, then share that. Tell the grandparents that the pediatrician says it's important, and they need to limit "treats" to once a week or something specific.

That last part is a real world example, by the way. My friends' in laws are the exact same way. And her kids are predisposed to diabetes and some other health issues to the point where they really do need to watch their eating. It helped a little when the pediatrician stepped in, but ultimately this fell on the kids to navigate. Once they hit 8 or 10, they were old enough to tell their grandparents, "Thanks, but no thanks. I can't eat that much sugar." But they complained to their parents that it was hard to be "tempted."

Personally, I think it sucks that a grandparent would put kids in that situation, but my friend is trying to be graceful about it because the in laws live in town and that's just who they are. YMMV.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess I'll just let it go. Grandparents ask to watch the kids, we don't need them to babysit. They are in aftercare. The kids really enjoy spending time with them. My parents are deceased so I should be thankful that they have loving grandparents.

I disagree. If DH can't stomach the talk, you need to. Blame it on your pediatrician. Tell them flat out that continuing the regular visits requires healthy snacks. Tell her you don't want your kids to have a lifelong struggle with weight issues and bad eating habits.

Or just cut back on the visits to once or twice a month.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay. You are implying that grandma "stuffs" the kids full of cookies/ice cream as if the kids are passive objects. That can't be. Kids are eating ice cream and cookies. Period. Stop blaming grandma. And stop making ice cream and cookies such forbidden fruit that kids can't control their intake of such treats. That's your fault, not grandma's. Kids should be able to have a casual attitude toward treats. It's when they are totally off limits that they don't.

This was a little harsher than I would put it, but I have to agree.

Especially after going back and re-reading. Your kids clearly have the idea that if they don't get it from Grandma, they won't get it. You can always tell the kids that don't get treats when they are offered - they shovel the stuff in their mouths like they will never get it again.

I think if you loosen the "treat" reigns some that would help. You can do chocolate dipped fruit, involve your kid in making cookies, etc. Make banana ice cream sundaes (frozen bananas in the blender/food processor) and then top however you want. It doesn't have to be a donut, candy car or cookies to be a treat. My kids think chocolate covered strawberries are the best thing ever. I think your kids gorging themselves is more problematic than Grandma offering the stuff.

+2. At 6 and 8, your kids are old enough to know about healthy eating and why it is a good idea not to gorge yourself on ice cream and cookies. Explain this to them if they don't know it, and make them take responsibility for their own actions.

I agree with the others that this is something to relax about. I know you didn't mean it literally, but you did call yourself a "health nut"--and here are some other words you used: limit, junk, problem, garbage, crazy, fighting, caring, fight, uptight, exhausting. It seems that you do probably make a much bigger deal about food than your average person. Personally, I don't think fights about food are going to help your kids.

Anonymous wrote:Okay. You are implying that grandma "stuffs" the kids full of cookies/ice cream as if the kids are passive objects. That can't be. Kids are eating ice cream and cookies. Period. Stop blaming grandma. And stop making ice cream and cookies such forbidden fruit that kids can't control their intake of such treats. That's your fault, not grandma's. Kids should be able to have a casual attitude toward treats. It's when they are totally off limits that they don't.

This was a little harsher than I would put it, but I have to agree.

Especially after going back and re-reading. Your kids clearly have the idea that if they don't get it from Grandma, they won't get it. You can always tell the kids that don't get treats when they are offered - they shovel the stuff in their mouths like they will never get it again.

I think if you loosen the "treat" reigns some that would help. You can do chocolate dipped fruit, involve your kid in making cookies, etc. Make banana ice cream sundaes (frozen bananas in the blender/food processor) and then top however you want. It doesn't have to be a donut, candy car or cookies to be a treat. My kids think chocolate covered strawberries are the best thing ever. I think your kids gorging themselves is more problematic than Grandma offering the stuff.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess I'll just let it go. Grandparents ask to watch the kids, we don't need them to babysit. They are in aftercare. The kids really enjoy spending time with them. My parents are deceased so I should be thankful that they have loving grandparents.

Yes, you should.

If your children otherwise have a healthy diet, cookies and ice cream a few afternoons a week is not going to damage their health. You might talk to your children, though, about not eating so much cookies and ice cream that they lose their appetite for dinner.

Anonymous wrote:I try to feed my 8 and 6 year old healthy meals. I'm a health nut myself and limit junk. Problem is that my in-laws live nearby and are regularly feeding my kids garbage. It drives me crazy but I'm tired of fighting it. I always end up being the bad guy. Also I feel like because they give them so much junk, I don't have the opportunity to give my kids treats. At least a couple times a week they don't want dinner because grandma stuffed them full of cookies and ice cream.

DH said something and his mother got very defensive and upset so now he doesn't want to deal with it.

I'm almost at the point of not caring anymore. My son is more of the couch potato type so we really have to work at him being active and eating right. I don't gave the energy to fight this any longer.

Has anyone delay wi

Yeah you need to not care. And if they are with the grandparents enough that they are feeding them so much food, maybe you need to keep them at your house more. My in laws are nearby too, but my kids are not there enough to affect their overall nutrition. Your kids will be messed up if they see you being restrictive and talking about food like that in frontof them.

OP here. I guess I'll just let it go. Grandparents ask to watch the kids, we don't need them to babysit. They are in aftercare. The kids really enjoy spending time with them. My parents are deceased so I should be thankful that they have loving grandparents.

What I wouldn't give to have such a problem! By the time my oldest was 5, the grandparents left alive were too feeble to watch the kids. You have no idea how lucky you are to have such readily available - and free - assistance. You don't like them giving your kids junk food? Stop having them babysit! Done!

Okay. You are implying that grandma "stuffs" the kids full of cookies/ice cream as if the kids are passive objects. That can't be. Kids are eating ice cream and cookies. Period. Stop blaming grandma. And stop making ice cream and cookies such forbidden fruit that kids can't control their intake of such treats. That's your fault, not grandma's. Kids should be able to have a casual attitude toward treats. It's when they are totally off limits that they don't.