Anonymous
Post 05/06/2016 09:31     Subject: Re:I get my feelings hurt a lot in DC
Shineshelly wrote:Hi there, Sorry to hear you are feeling isolated and hurt by those around you. I think we can all relate to these types of feelings at some point. Unfortunately, people sometimes say and do things that are careless, blunt, insensitive or even mean-spirited. While we can't control the intentions or behavior of others, we can determine how we will act. We can choose to not be offended. It can be so hard to overlook certain 'annoyances'.

I have found in myself that if I am becoming offended more often than normal it's usually because I have become too preoccupied with myself: "No one liked my ideas." "She was curt with me." "They hardly talked to me." "He didn't even thank me." "No one ever asked for my opinion." "Nobody paid any attention to me." It can get pretty ridiculous if I let the self-loathing go too long. I would encourage you in those moments you're feeling frustrated with those around you to look for the good qualities they have and focus on that. Shedding unfair expectations of others and assuming good motives has helped me overcome my sensitivity to a degree as well.

As a military girlfriend/wife of over ten years, I feel like I am in a constant state of meeting new people. This has definitely opened the floor to being hypersensitive in the process of getting to know people from all over the country and world from different backgrounds. I hope what I've said will encourage you. Praying for you. Hang in there!


Really awesome advice!
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2016 09:30     Subject: I get my feelings hurt a lot in DC
Anonymous wrote:I know I come off as standoffish, even though it's really just social anxiety/shyness at play. I also am the type of person that feeds off other people's energy. If someone is outgoing and friendly, I tend to respond in kind. Or if they are shy and reserved...I do the same.

Which is to say, please don't take it personally. And ignore the complain-y parents.


+1. a lot of people feel the way you do, OP, which means that many people are probably unintentionally causing hurt feelings (for example, you're interpreting someone's shyness as rudeness/coldness)
Anonymous
Post 05/05/2016 23:09     Subject: I get my feelings hurt a lot in DC
I hear you, OP. I actually get more hurt by the feeling I get that people don't want any interaction beyond superficial. It's like if you dare to go beyond small talk, they seem some combination of annoyed, bored, and even condescending (like, gee, you must be needy if you actually want to have a conversation about anything other than such and such restaurant or whatever).

I think that's why DCUM is so popular.
Shineshelly
Post 05/05/2016 22:28     Subject: Re:I get my feelings hurt a lot in DC
Hi there, Sorry to hear you are feeling isolated and hurt by those around you. I think we can all relate to these types of feelings at some point. Unfortunately, people sometimes say and do things that are careless, blunt, insensitive or even mean-spirited. While we can't control the intentions or behavior of others, we can determine how we will act. We can choose to not be offended. It can be so hard to overlook certain 'annoyances'.

I have found in myself that if I am becoming offended more often than normal it's usually because I have become too preoccupied with myself: "No one liked my ideas." "She was curt with me." "They hardly talked to me." "He didn't even thank me." "No one ever asked for my opinion." "Nobody paid any attention to me." It can get pretty ridiculous if I let the self-loathing go too long. I would encourage you in those moments you're feeling frustrated with those around you to look for the good qualities they have and focus on that. Shedding unfair expectations of others and assuming good motives has helped me overcome my sensitivity to a degree as well.

As a military girlfriend/wife of over ten years, I feel like I am in a constant state of meeting new people. This has definitely opened the floor to being hypersensitive in the process of getting to know people from all over the country and world from different backgrounds. I hope what I've said will encourage you. Praying for you. Hang in there!
Anonymous
Post 05/05/2016 21:59     Subject: I get my feelings hurt a lot in DC
Anonymous wrote:Op, can I ask what neighborhood you are in? I'm in Capitol Hill and I feel exactly how you describe!


Close in NVA can be the same exact way. It is this area, OP. It is not you.
Anonymous
Post 05/05/2016 21:59     Subject: I get my feelings hurt a lot in DC
Anonymous wrote:
You must be particularly sensitive, and construe innocent situations for intentional slights.

I am never offended. I see that people are busy, and harried and don't have time for extended casual social niceties.

That's fine, it doesn't make them bad people. I volunteer at school extensively and am on the PTA board. I get parents to smile and help and be happy! It takes some work


I can see what OP is saying, and it seems you do also, PP. Everyone in this area is busy - some people are less busy, but still talk about being busy. It's no excuse to be an a-hole, which seems what OP described.

Some people seem to go out of their way to be an a-hole, OP. It really, truly has nothing to do with you. It is a reflection on how they feel about their own rotten lives. Their lives suck, and they want everyone to know it. You need to treat them the way they treat you. Done.
Anonymous
Post 05/05/2016 21:53     Subject: I get my feelings hurt a lot in DC
Op, can I ask what neighborhood you are in? I'm in Capitol Hill and I feel exactly how you describe!
Anonymous
Post 05/05/2016 21:37     Subject: I get my feelings hurt a lot in DC
I've found that people in DC love to say "I know so-and-so..." and if you aren't connected, in the know, or influential, a lot of people have no use for you.
Anonymous
Post 05/05/2016 21:30     Subject: I get my feelings hurt a lot in DC
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Trying to navigate the social scene here as a parent with 3 kids.
I have met some great friends. Quite a few actually.
But so many of my interactions with other parents are just frustrating. I wonder, "is it me?"
People often don't reply to emails, the conversations at school and sporting events are one-sided. Everyone is stressed and busy and often just cold.
I get it. I work full time. Have 3 kids. Have a husband in a 60-70 hour a week job.

But I routinely get my feelings hurt when I'm ignored or scowled at or just made to feel like crap by other people.
I'm currently organizing an event at school (against my better judgement but I got talked into it by the principal) and my fellow organizers are impatient and pushy and so easily
irritated by the world. Then the parents we are trying to reach out to just ignore our emails entirely. They're too busy with everything else.

It's just demoralizing around here sometimes. Lots and lots of stressed out and cold people. Myself included.


You say your husband works a 60-70 hour a week job. Are you a SAHM? You might just be more sensitive than the hard driving overachievers that are like your husband.

I love that you are trying to insult OP and you're the dummy that didn't even read her entire post. I hate internet bullies with a 3rd grade reading level.
Anonymous
Post 05/05/2016 20:25     Subject: I get my feelings hurt a lot in DC

You must be particularly sensitive, and construe innocent situations for intentional slights.

I am never offended. I see that people are busy, and harried and don't have time for extended casual social niceties.

That's fine, it doesn't make them bad people. I volunteer at school extensively and am on the PTA board. I get parents to smile and help and be happy! It takes some work
Anonymous
Post 05/05/2016 20:15     Subject: I get my feelings hurt a lot in DC
Just let part of your soul die, OP. No joke. I think that's the only way I've managed to get through my years here.
Anonymous
Post 05/05/2016 20:12     Subject: I get my feelings hurt a lot in DC
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just try to be breezy and not overthink it. Life is fast here, and the people are sort of hard. Let it roll off your back and just be you.


This. I am trying to learn how to do this too OP.
I get so hurt by the hard people here, don't mind the people who don't respond, but feel so bad when people respond with insults or negativity.


It is a reflection of how people feel about themselves and their lives. It is clear, when you think about it.

There is a mom at our school that no one likes (she is mean, standoffish, acts superior and is not a nice person to other moms - i.e.: it is more than perpetual "bitchy resting face"). There are a couple of (grown women) that cowtow to her. The other moms think it is ridiculous, and the behaviors are sometimes a topic of conversation. To a point where some moms (not me) watch and see what happens when certain moms are around each other. Apparently, it is very obvious, contrived and demeaning, but the one or two moms that do it either don't see how silly it appears, or don't want to see it. It is an artificial social hierarchy, imposed by women who simply never grew up. No one actually wants to be around them; and anyone that does, does so to avoid being in the line of fire. Is this the kind of foolishness you are talking about, OP?

Find the nice people, and stick with them. Nicer people tend to have better lives, tend to be happier, and are people that others care to spend their time with - not out of obligation or appearances.
Anonymous
Post 05/05/2016 20:04     Subject: I get my feelings hurt a lot in DC
Anonymous wrote:NP here. I will completely own up to being sensitive. I definitely am working on being less so. But I agree with you PP. I think people here are cold and rude in many cases - maybe not at heart, but that is the common denominator of acceptable behavior. Where are you from, OP? Because I'm from somewhere a hell of a lot friendlier.


+1

You may also have a better upbringing. Some people were treated like crap, so they pass it on. It's not you, OP.
Anonymous
Post 05/05/2016 16:37     Subject: Re:I get my feelings hurt a lot in DC
I find some people to be standoffish, but then realize I probably come off that way. I have a horrible memory, made worse by lack of sleep, and am I am really, really bad with names and faces. I can recognize I should know people, but cannot place them. So I tend to get really awkward when I see people, because I am trying to hide the fact I am not sure who they are.

As far as organizing stuff - most people will ignore you. Those who don't, just want the facts ( time, location, money). No one wants a lengthy discussion.
Anonymous
Post 05/05/2016 15:56     Subject: I get my feelings hurt a lot in DC
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I know I come off as standoffish, even though it's really just social anxiety/shyness at play. I also am the type of person that feeds off other people's energy. If someone is outgoing and friendly, I tend to respond in kind. Or if they are shy and reserved...I do the same.

Which is to say, please don't take it personally. And ignore the complain-y parents.


+1


+2

I found that once I stopped taking everything so personally, I felt so much better.