Anonymous wrote:

Wow, just wow! So you knew your lover was a piece of shit, yet you selfishly put yourself ahead of the well being of your eventual children by allowing him to impregnate you. You're a piece of shit, unworthy of platitudes and worthy of scorn, I hope you realize that.

Just another reason to--

get a vasectomy

pump 'em

dump 'em

Anonymous wrote:so I put it together pretty quick that he was using me. Something happened and the light went on, I literally changed over night to putting myself and life goals first

I knew he was planning to leave to be with the person he was cheating with....little did he know I was many steps ahead of him at this point.

A few weeks later I announced to him I was pregnant

and of course I reminded him we were getting married and I wanted another child. His true colors came out, and I stood my ground.

I also told him my lawyer so and so would be in touch with him for birthing costs, insurance, and after the baby was born child support!! Long story short karma got him, and I did just fine.

Wow, just wow! So you knew your lover was a piece of shit, yet you selfishly put yourself ahead of the well being of your eventual children by allowing him to impregnate you. You're a piece of shit, unworthy of platitudes and worthy of scorn, I hope you realize that.

Any chance he's gay?

You mention his weight. Maybe he has some ED and is embarrassed?

That's great, op! I'm in a somewhat similar situation. Pp, why did you recommend against therapy?

Anonymous wrote:OP here...I didn't think our conversation went well last night (I slept in the guest room crying and he went to bed angry). That being said, he came home from work today with a membership to a local cycling studio for me, signed up for care.com and contacted babysitters, and set up a date night for next week. I'm in awe and hoping we can turn things around (plan on finding a therapist for myself with the hope that he'll join me eventually).

OP that sounds good so go for it. Maybe hold off on the therapist, I think that's often a mistake.

It looks like he's trying so be positive with him and make it a nice date.

OP here...I didn't think our conversation went well last night (I slept in the guest room crying and he went to bed angry). That being said, he came home from work today with a membership to a local cycling studio for me, signed up for care.com and contacted babysitters, and set up a date night for next week. I'm in awe and hoping we can turn things around (plan on finding a therapist for myself with the hope that he'll join me eventually).

OP he checked out long ago I'm afraid. Please don't let him abuse you anymore, yes this is abuse. Get your self esteem back and turn it around on him. Move into the other bedroom. When he says something, you tell him to fix it! Don't be home as much or available because honestly right now it seems like you're a doormat for him. I would start separating my life from him and meeting new people, getting a good support group.

Years ago I was a doormat in the same way your are. I was led on at age 34 to believe I was engaged when he was really playing the field. Since I wanted another child it was a cruel thing to do and I stupidly moved the guy into my home because I believed we were getting married and had a great future. It didn't take long to realize there were big gaps in time from him getting out of work and getting home. When I realized he was cheating all along I put it all together. He rented his house out to live in mine and paid me little...so I put it together pretty quick that he was using me. Something happened and the light went on, I literally changed over night to putting myself and life goals first. I didn't give it away that I knew what he was up to, instead decided what I wanted out of life. It was about 3 mo later he came home, and said something about hoping I would be ok if he wasn't in the picture anymore. I knew he was planning to leave to be with the person he was cheating with....little did he know I was many steps ahead of him at this point.

A few weeks later I announced to him I was pregnant, and waited for the Kodak moment. While most men would be happy, he couldn't even hide his rage. This was not part of his plan, lol. He said I would get an abortion, and of course I reminded him we were getting married and I wanted another child. His true colors came out, and I stood my ground. His response over the next few weeks got even uglier. I didn't bring up the fact I knew he was cheating, only that I arranged for movers to move his stuff into a storage facility and he would be out asap. He didn't take that well either, lol. I also told him my lawyer so and so would be in touch with him for birthing costs, insurance, and after the baby was born child support!! Long story short karma got him, and I did just fine. I learned that it's easy to get stuck with horrible people and the longer you stay you are making a bad mistake. Today I am married and have 2 great kids and financially set because I stuck to my goals and put myself first. OP this is what you need to do because you're in an abusive situation. I think the duck tape would have been it for me, but I hope you heed some advice on this forum because many of us have been in bad situations and changed it around. Good luck.

and the tape thing would be a deal breaker for me. Its not passive, its straight up anger and agression. DH is right, YOU do need to fix this by getting a trial separation. You also need a therapist and try to document his emotional abuse. guy sounds like he has mental health issues, you don't want him alone with your kids.

OP is it possible your husband has serious depression or is gay?

Just a thought, but any chance he is gay?