Spending two nights a weeks with friends is completely okay and reasonable IF that is truly what he is doing. The problem with lies is that suddenly everything becomes suspect. It is no way to live for either party. But the answer is not for her to blindly trust him. Do some investigation and find out for yourself. If all is okay, then you can breathe a sigh of relief and continue on. Do not rely on someone who has shown you the distinct possibility he is lying to clear this matter up for you. Liars lie. There are lots of ways to keep an eye on him for a while. Don't let anyone tell you that YOU are the horrible person for checking ... That is just blame shifting. Everyone has a right to know their SO is being honest and faithful. If you are getting vibes that is not what is happening, you should act on it. OP does not sound like someone who is neurotic, controlling, and paranoid.

2 nights a week w buddies for someone in his 30s with 2 young kids is a lot -- not unheard of but more than what people do esp in this area since there's longer hrs, traffic etc. Do you know the guys he hangs w - any way to check one week by casually asking those guys "so how was the game" and see if their reaction is surprised bc they didn't go to a game w your DH last night?

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised no one has said anything about the couple of nights a week he spends "with the guys." Given the other things OP has raised, those raise a big red flag for me.

I agree. Two nights a week is a lot. You have kids?

Probably didn't want to hear if from you that he spent $12 on lunch instead of $1. Let it go.

I'm surprised no one has said anything about the couple of nights a week he spends "with the guys." Given the other things OP has raised, those raise a big red flag for me.

He is not lying about something stupid. That is just his cover story. No one lies about a discounted lunch deal. You know this and your gut does too. But let's just suppose that he actually was lying about something so small. It takes energy and decision to lie. If he feels comfortable lying to you about small things ... He will definitely lie about larger things. It is a decision on his part that it is okay to lie to you. The content of the lie is not the point. It is that you are not important or valuable enough to hear the truth. MOST people who cheat are getting regular sex and companionship at home. Don't fall for the myth that you can prevent an affair ... It is a character deficit on their part, not a loving spouse deficit on your part. They like what you offer in a relationship ... They just want more of the same from someone else. It is additive not replacement. Good luck.

Go read the Would You Divorce a Liar post ... What you describe is exactly the type of thing that started happening 20 years ago and it grew from there. If you confront, it just gets better hidden in the future. Stay aware and if you learn something you wish you had not, please don't hand over the rest of your life to him like I did.

Anonymous wrote:If he is lying over small stuff then you better believe he'll be lying about the "big" stuff.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but this is just the beginning and if I was you I'd be like a midget on a urinal -on your toes.

This. Couldn't have said this better myself.

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Sorry, I fell asleep.

We have been married eight years and have two kids. I do have a birthday coming up, so that's a possibility.

His employer pays for his phone, so I don't have access to the records, and I didn't see what he was actually looking at when he was carrying on about the weather. The whole thing was really odd.

He doesn't really have any female friends. He works with women, obviously, but he doesn't talk about them. I don't think he outright lies (this week excluded), but he does lies of omission.

I think my moment to confront it has passed. I'll start paying closer attention now though.

I think that's all you can do right now. Sorry you are going through this.

If he is lying over small stuff then you better believe he'll be lying about the "big" stuff.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but this is just the beginning and if I was you I'd be like a midget on a urinal -on your toes.

This is OP. Sorry, I fell asleep.

We have been married eight years and have two kids. I do have a birthday coming up, so that's a possibility.

His employer pays for his phone, so I don't have access to the records, and I didn't see what he was actually looking at when he was carrying on about the weather. The whole thing was really odd.

He doesn't really have any female friends. He works with women, obviously, but he doesn't talk about them. I don't think he outright lies (this week excluded), but he does lies of omission.

I think my moment to confront it has passed. I'll start paying closer attention now though.

Did he get fired from his job and he is trying to tell you a story to make it seem like a normal day at work? DH did this. Also did this kind of thing when he was cheating. Assume everything he is telling you is a lie, check phone and any records you can, then ask him what's going on.

Check his phone records and his phone.

Does he lie about other inconsequential things? Some people do - it's like a compulsion.

His behavior is definitely strange, but it doesn't mean he was cheating. I would probably do a little snooping, though I know it's no good. But I doubt your DH will come clean.

Op the weird look on his face is the thing which gives the game away, followed by the retreat to fiddle with his phone.

You feel sick because you know he is cheating.

You can either confront him and get the truth out of him or choose to live with it.