I have some very close friends who chose to side with the ExW after the separation/divorce. However, after some time, they saw through her BS and victimization stories.

After some time, they called me to arrange a dinner meeting to see how I had been doing and to catch up. Once We had had a few drinks and passed the pleasantries, they both apologized profusely for choosing her side and then began telling me stories of things she said or did after the separation. It was very entertaining to see them come to the realization of what I already knew and understood.

To this day, we remain very close. The wife of the friend couple will still occasionally tell some new story of the ExW which she hears from mutual friends. Each new story I hear makes me appreciate her being my ExW...

I remember you - did your DH work with the AP?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hate to say it, but if you keep talking to your friends about a "homewrecker of a whore" you may be sending off a lot of bitter vibes and wanting to talk about things that they don't. I'm not saying you don't have legitimate reasons to feel hurt, but people don't want to feel uncomfortably in the middle of things.

OP here. I mentioned before that I never talked to the ex-friends about our separation. I just refer to the homewrecker in this post, to anonymous people to get a somewhat objective opinion. In fact, we never talked about the homewrecker because they never contacted me! I would not have brought up the homewrecker in our apparently fair weather friendship.

If neither of you reached out to the other in two years you weren't friends, you were friendly. Fair weather friend doesn't seem to be the right label to attach to them, it sounds like you were friendly with each other out of convenience.

When your husband/wife cheats on you, then we can talk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hate to say it, but if you keep talking to your friends about a "homewrecker of a whore" you may be sending off a lot of bitter vibes and wanting to talk about things that they don't. I'm not saying you don't have legitimate reasons to feel hurt, but people don't want to feel uncomfortably in the middle of things.

OP here. I mentioned before that I never talked to the ex-friends about our separation. I just refer to the homewrecker in this post, to anonymous people to get a somewhat objective opinion. In fact, we never talked about the homewrecker because they never contacted me! I would not have brought up the homewrecker in our apparently fair weather friendship.

If neither of you reached out to the other in two years you weren't friends, you were friendly. Fair weather friend doesn't seem to be the right label to attach to them, it sounds like you were friendly with each other out of convenience.

Anonymous wrote:Op I think you sound fine and you have been through a lot. Not sure why everyone is jumping on you. I think that these friends sound like people you wouldn't have gotten any support from anyway. Plus, is it possible your ExDH is making you the one sounding crazy? In any case, i would move on to people are kinder.

Thank you for your kind supportive words.

But you are separated. Are you getting divorced or just trying things out apart?

Op I think you sound fine and you have been through a lot. Not sure why everyone is jumping on you. I think that these friends sound like people you wouldn't have gotten any support from anyway. Plus, is it possible your ExDH is making you the one sounding crazy? In any case, i would move on to people are kinder.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you come across as defensive and anxious. You're planning out bean-counting responses for extreme hypotheticals that will never come to pass. ("If we were to get back together, I couldn't talk to them....') We have no way of knowing if this is all the result of the betrayal, or this is how you always were. It sounds like these people were his friends and were friendly to you.

Move on.

+1

OP, you come across as defensive and anxious. You're planning out bean-counting responses for extreme hypotheticals that will never come to pass. ("If we were to get back together, I couldn't talk to them....') We have no way of knowing if this is all the result of the betrayal, or this is how you always were. It sounds like these people were his friends and were friendly to you.

Move on.

If you didn't reach out, either, it's on all of you. Have you reached out at all?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. No, I never discussed our problems with the "friends". I have made new friends and would not be comfortable again in their presence.

So who cares then?

Your reply indicates you've moved on. Why are you posting?

OP here. I thought I was being too harsh in my attitude towards them. Our kids are the same age, so when my ex socializes with them, he takes our child along. If for a hypothetical reason, my ex and I were to ever reconcile and get back together, I don't think I could ever invite them over nor go over to their house. I thought maybe I was being too petty.

thanks for your response.

Why do you think you might get back together with your ex? Is he still with the woman he cheated on you and had a baby with?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The "friends" are aware why we separated. My ex had an affair and a child with his homewrecker of a whore. To me this is doubly hurtful. I feel like they just left me in the cold.

During my ex's affair and when he moved out, I was reeling and not very strong emotionally to reach out to anyone.

It's possible they thought you didn't want to be bothered with them. You don't know what your husband told them, so why hold it against them? And not to be unkind, but another possibility is that they cared for your husband more than you and would rather be friends with him. Unless you were under the impression that you were super close to them personally, it's disappointing but not really a reason to be angry- those things happen.

No, I'm not angry. Just asking thoughts on how you would react this this type of situation. However, I have to add that if you have never experienced a cheating spouse, you and everyone else would never understand the depth of the cut.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hate to say it, but if you keep talking to your friends about a "homewrecker of a whore" you may be sending off a lot of bitter vibes and wanting to talk about things that they don't. I'm not saying you don't have legitimate reasons to feel hurt, but people don't want to feel uncomfortably in the middle of things.

OP here. I mentioned before that I never talked to the ex-friends about our separation. I just refer to the homewrecker in this post, to anonymous people to get a somewhat objective opinion. In fact, we never talked about the homewrecker because they never contacted me! I would not have brought up the homewrecker in our apparently fair weather friendship.

OP it sounds like you're better off without them. They showed their true colors.

Make new friends and be happy to be rid of dead weight.

Seriously, your marriage broke up, and you are wondering about some random friends? Grow up!