Anonymous wrote:Not an issue from my perspective. It's my DH's job to manage the relationship with his family not mine. I never even considered participating in their video chats and I like my ILs! Enjoy the free time.

+1. I really like my IL's too and talk their ear off when we see them in person. That said my DH manages the relationship with his family as far as video chats and makes sure the kids talk to his parents etc. His parents will sometimes email both of us pictures of the kids and logistical things and I respond to those emails.

Anonymous wrote:Not an issue from my perspective. It's my DH's job to manage the relationship with his family not mine. I never even considered participating in their video chats and I like my ILs! Enjoy the free time.

Agreed. Lots of women get stuck having to maintain relationships between themselves and their in-laws because often emotional labor ( correspondence birthday cards, gift and the like) are defaulted to women as women's work. I take it as a win that your husband is being proactive in building the relationships between his children and his family.

If you wanted to you could always send them emails or letters or other correspondence you wanted to connect with his family outside of video chatting. You could even reference the chat and say oh they were video chatting and I was busy doing X so I still wanted to see how you were doing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You've only been married 2.5 years and you have multiple kids already? Wha?

we got pregnant with kid #1 shortly after engagement and put off the wedding. She was 1 at the wedding, and we had #2 a year after the wedding. It's been quite a hectic time.... only now settling in and having time to even contemplate relationship with ILs...

I suspect ILs don't want to talk to you and DH doesn't have the heart to tell you that.

I think it's more DH not wanting to make me uncomfortable. I don't think they would tell DH if that were the case anyway, DH doesn't really handle conflict well. That would accomplish nothing but hurting him. (Haha not "butthurting" him).

I've gotten on him in the past for unwittingly doing something like forgetting to tell them I said hi, or etc. oh well. I'll probably do the pop in approach - but I really do find skype quite awkward. Skype eye contact is very hard for me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you used the word "butthurt" the in-laws are probably fine that you aren't in the conversations.

Yeah...I'm going to go with this. Best to put you in time-out until you are able to use your big-girl words.

I already addressed this but, tongue in cheek on Internet tbh I'm not 100% sure I'm using that correctly, so, point taken.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You've only been married 2.5 years and you have multiple kids already? Wha?

we got pregnant with kid #1 shortly after engagement and put off the wedding. She was 1 at the wedding, and we had #2 a year after the wedding. It's been quite a hectic time.... only now settling in and having time to even contemplate relationship with ILs...

I suspect ILs don't want to talk to you and DH doesn't have the heart to tell you that.

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you used the word "butthurt" the in-laws are probably fine that you aren't in the conversations.

Yeah...I'm going to go with this. Best to put you in time-out until you are able to use your big-girl words.

Wave and go take your shower. Every fifth call or so, stay for five minutes and then turn it back over to DH.

I don't consider it a problem, really, but I will tell you that my parents Skype w/ my brother fairly often because my brother lives in another country and it's just easier to Skype than to talk on the phone. My brother's wife is rarely, if ever, around for these conversations and my parents have mentioned to me a few times that they are worried she doesn't like them due to her not participating in their conversations. Now, my parents tend to be overly sensitive and read too much into things like this so probably most people wouldn't feel the same way. I always reassure them that my SIL does like them but I think it would ease their minds about this a lot if she would occasionally just pop in and say hello and how are you? when they are Skyping with my brother. So, maybe you could do the same? If you are worried about it, it would probably make you feel better to just chat w/ them for at least a couple mins of their Skype convo every once in awhile.

My MIL talks behind my back if I dont show about during skype. She feels it is bad mannered, not showing respect...
MIL always feels wronged by someone. I make an effort to be there and say hello with a smile and let my DH and kids take over. I get what you are saying, I chose to keep it courteous, more to protect DH from her accusations.

I agree with the recent pps. the next time you notice him videochatting (and you're walking around or in the backround) pop your head over his shoulder, give your warm regards and hellos and have a big smile then say, "well, I'll let you get on with your call. It was great saying hello."

Then move out of the room and continue doing your own thing.

Participate once in a while. Can you be in touch with them regularly by emailing them a quick note and pics of the kids?

When you happen to come home in the middle of one of these chats, pop on & say hello. Linger around for a few chipper minutes.

My ILs & DH like to chat for hours. Well, maybe they don't like it, but in reality it takes up half an hour to get the connection to properly work, then it takes at least an hour for one of the parties to drop off, then whoever remains likes to have one-on-one chats.

I max out after 15 minutes and start getting annoyed that our weekend is glued to a screen. So I stick around, exchange updates, and then get up and go about my day. ILs seem to have accepted it - I spend more like talking to them on the phone than my own parents.

My husband doesn't talk to my parents on the phone, I don't talk to his. I already have to manage my parents, no way am I doing his as well. Sometimes I pop into the picture if I have to grab the baby for a diaper change or to be fed while he and our older child continue their FaceTime. Otherwise, I'm super glad that this is one less thing for me to have to fit into a weekend.

I wouldn't worry about it. DH dislikes talking to his family on the phone so be glad he is handling communication. When his parents call he doesn't pick up... When they call and I pass the phone to him, he refuses to so I have to say "he is in the middle of something"

OP, if it bothers you, maybe you could have your DH once in a while initiate the video chat when you are there, say a quick hello etc then say you have a few things to do etc

I never chat (telephone or video) with his people and he never chats with mine. Communication between grandparents and the kids is facilitated through whoever's people they are. For instance, when my DH is on a call with his dad, he will pass the phone around to our kids. I prefer to remind the kids to call my parents' on important days or just to share some info from school, etc. I don't see or talk to my ILs until physical visits. It works just fine for us. We've been married 20 years. Perhaps my ILs think I don't like them, but that's their issue - not mine.