Anonymous
Post 04/12/2016 14:41     Subject: MIL just spent a weekend at our house criticizing us, not fun.
This thread is why hearing aids with an off switch are soooooo nice!

"Sorry. Did you say something? Batteries died. "
Anonymous
Post 04/12/2016 14:24     Subject: Re:MIL just spent a weekend at our house criticizing us, not fun.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You should just say what x-profession is. My guess is doctor, lawyer or maybe engineer, in that order. I'm going with doctor, though.


nope. Teachers.


wait, someone is upset because her son is NOT a teacher? thats hard to believe. I am the daughter of a teacher and she would have been furious and disapointed if I went into teachng. She actively discourages all younger cousins from going into teaching. After 30 years and the change to all testing/all the time, blame the teacher and shitty uninvolved parents, who in their right mind would encourage anyone to go into teaching these days??
Anonymous
Post 04/12/2016 09:53     Subject: MIL just spent a weekend at our house criticizing us, not fun.
It's weird that a parent would criticize the career of her grown, self supporting son.

Unless you two heavily rely on her to supplement your income and are slackers in some way or your career involves some sort of criminal conduct.... I just can not imagine a mother pecking one of her grown kids like that.

Does she have anxiety? Is she just a non-content? What's up with her?
Anonymous
Post 04/12/2016 09:41     Subject: MIL just spent a weekend at our house criticizing us, not fun.
If she's at your house then you just turn to her and say "We have a rule in our house that we don't say mean things to each other" or "We have a rule that we don't say unkind things" or "we have a rule that we don't say critical things" Call her out for her behavior and label it as what it is.
Anonymous
Post 04/12/2016 09:37     Subject: MIL just spent a weekend at our house criticizing us, not fun.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Can you just come out and say it? Betty, last time you visited and mentioned Bill's career, he was very hurt.


I wouldn't do that. The response of insensitive jackasses to being called out on it is usually to say that the person who was hurt is too sensitive, to act counter-hurt or offended "Well, I guess I'm not allowed to have opinions," or to point out that this wouldn't be a problem if X had only done what jackass wanted him to do in the first place.


21:07 here, and PP is right. I've learned not to say this with my mother, because she either laughs it off and makes fun of our hyper sensitivity, or gets very upset with us, plays the victim and accuses us of being out to get her. Like I said, with that type of person, avoidance is the only solution if you don't want to lose your mind.
Anonymous
Post 04/12/2016 09:37     Subject: MIL just spent a weekend at our house criticizing us, not fun.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Can you just come out and say it? Betty, last time you visited and mentioned Bill's career, he was very hurt.


I actually really like this, except it should be Bill who says it. My DH's family is just full of dysfunction (except MIL insists they are 'all so close') and the main root is lack of communication. No one EVER says what they really feel. IMO, your DH should say "mom, I love my job, I'm happy, and I need you to stop criticizing my choices. Surely you want me to do what I love." Just say it ONCE. After that, if it continues, I vote for all the great other advice to ignore, but at least DH would know that he's expressed himself. Whether or not she listens is her own problem.


+1. Your dh should briefly tell his mom. I don't know why so many men are not brought up to say their feelings.
Anonymous
Post 04/12/2016 09:33     Subject: MIL just spent a weekend at our house criticizing us, not fun.
People expecting to manage the relationship between their spouse and their ILs is just as nosy and overbearing as said ILs.
Anonymous
Post 04/12/2016 08:38     Subject: MIL just spent a weekend at our house criticizing us, not fun.
Anonymous wrote:Can you just come out and say it? Betty, last time you visited and mentioned Bill's career, he was very hurt.


I actually really like this, except it should be Bill who says it. My DH's family is just full of dysfunction (except MIL insists they are 'all so close') and the main root is lack of communication. No one EVER says what they really feel. IMO, your DH should say "mom, I love my job, I'm happy, and I need you to stop criticizing my choices. Surely you want me to do what I love." Just say it ONCE. After that, if it continues, I vote for all the great other advice to ignore, but at least DH would know that he's expressed himself. Whether or not she listens is her own problem.
Anonymous
Post 04/12/2016 08:37     Subject: MIL just spent a weekend at our house criticizing us, not fun.
Anonymous wrote:Can you just come out and say it? Betty, last time you visited and mentioned Bill's career, he was very hurt.


I wouldn't do that. The response of insensitive jackasses to being called out on it is usually to say that the person who was hurt is too sensitive, to act counter-hurt or offended "Well, I guess I'm not allowed to have opinions," or to point out that this wouldn't be a problem if X had only done what jackass wanted him to do in the first place.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2016 21:32     Subject: MIL just spent a weekend at our house criticizing us, not fun.
Can you just come out and say it? Betty, last time you visited and mentioned Bill's career, he was very hurt.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2016 21:07     Subject: MIL just spent a weekend at our house criticizing us, not fun.

My mother is like this, except that if ignored she escalates into rants and insults because she *has* to get attention.

So our solution is to limit contact drastically. We see her once a year, and hardly ever invite her to our house, or accept going to hers.

Anonymous
Post 04/11/2016 20:56     Subject: MIL just spent a weekend at our house criticizing us, not fun.
"Thank you for your concern." Then move on to a new topic. Do not engage. My mother in law is queen of criticism (she sees it as "helping" and being "needed"). It is exhausting and emotionally draining, but I have to keep telling myself not to engage.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2016 20:05     Subject: MIL just spent a weekend at our house criticizing us, not fun.
Your fault. You let her stay in your house.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2016 18:52     Subject: MIL just spent a weekend at our house criticizing us, not fun.
"Oh Betty. All the folks in the family have been teachers for so long that I don't think they even understand how exciting it is for XYZers! Dave has a much more exciting day-to-day work life and his hours really suit our family life. And it's such a relief not to worry about money! It's too bad everyone else just followed the family status quo without really looking into other options."

(Family full of teachers here but it's by no means for everyone! let's just jerk her chain.)
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2016 12:07     Subject: MIL just spent a weekend at our house criticizing us, not fun.
Who cares what she thinks? You're not going to "fix" her or her relationship with your husband. Not your job. If he's generally fine with it, you don't have a right to keep sniffing around this problem.

Shrug it off and move on. Why do you care? You be your husband's biggest fan and his champion. YOU appreciate what he does for your family. That's your job. Stay in your lane.