OP, ITA with the others that I'm shocked you even jumped to considering divorce here. Do you even love your husband? It's your turn to support him, absolutely. The fact that you are even considering divorce in this situation suggests you have underlying marital issues, to be honest. These kinds of decisions are the regular give and take of marriage and you seem to want to bail the first time that you have to compromise.

Not to mention that the cost of living is SO much lower in Dallas than it is here. I have been in DC since graduating law school in the early 2000s and have two close friends who went to Texas firms. Those firms pay their associates the same as DC and NY firms but the cost of living there is about half what it is in DC and NY. My law school friends who live in Texas have a WAY better standard of living than I do in DC. I'd genuinely be thrilled for the opportunity to move to a lower cost of living area like Texas.

Anonymous wrote:I would totally move to Texas. Apart from the fact that cost of living is cheaper, you will be able to enjoy life more, be with your husband, is your job that important to you? I guess it depends on how much you earn, in which case it might be very important. I've traveled to Texas a lot, and you can have a nicer house for less, less stress overall, I would go in a heartbeat. And I am not unhappy here. Plus, divorce really? You clearly don't love him and he knows it.

I can't imagine the OP shares your values. She's souless. Her enjoyment comes from praying at the alter of money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids?

We have a two year old.

The child sounds so ancillary compared to your career and contemplations of divorce. Why did you marry and have kids when your true love above all else is your job? Not fair expecially to the trailing kid.

You clearly are book smart as your career demonstrates, but you are clearly ignorant ( or maybe you don't care?) To the fact that kids thrive under two married parents who love each other. Sadly, your fit the stereotype.

I am staggered that you would even think of divorce with a 2 year old when you haven't even tried to look for a job.

My husband's company is moving him to Irving, Texas next year and he insists on going with or without me. Currently, we live in DC, having moved from NYC for my job.

That's from your OP.


OP, you do realize your husband is asking if he matters to you? He wants to know he's an equal partner in your relationship, that you value his hopes and dreams as much as your own. That you value him and your family more than your career.

You get that, right?

Pay attention , closely. here. Fix it now. Maybe it means you move and maybe it doesn't.

But, you absolutely must sit down and have a conversation and really listen to what he's feeling without interrupting.

Maybe a few sessions of marriage counseling are in order.

You can probably find something. You have a DC Cir clerkship and are probably at W&C or a prestigious boutique - not sure who else wouldn't have NY office. (Was it really necessary to go somewhere without a NY office? I could see him possibly being bitter about that bc it cut off some easier options.). SEC FWRO would potentially be interested and there are enough firms and in-house that you could likely get something decent - if you want to, which isn't clear from your post.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to at least try to find something. You don't end a marriage and try to coparent a 2 year old cross country because you SUSPECT you're too senior to find something. Fwiw, I think he's right it's your turn to be supportive of him.

This. Otherwise you're just being stubborn and completely foolish and destructive.

I'm going to make a huge assumption now. My guess is that OP's husband wants have always come second to OP. That OP more or less calls the shots in the relationship. That OP lens towards the type A and the controlling.
This is the first time OP has got any substantial pushback from her husband and it is a shock for her.

For non controlling people this would be a signal to step back and pay attention to what's going on with their spouse.

Controlling people take any pushback personally, and react illogically.

I would totally move to Texas. Apart from the fact that cost of living is cheaper, you will be able to enjoy life more, be with your husband, is your job that important to you? I guess it depends on how much you earn, in which case it might be very important. I've traveled to Texas a lot, and you can have a nicer house for less, less stress overall, I would go in a heartbeat. And I am not unhappy here. Plus, divorce really? You clearly don't love him and he knows it.

There is a decent banking presence in Dallas, which means a decent banking regulatory presence. I would start there if you were thinking SEC as a possible exit strategy anyhow.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My company is located in Irving although I am based in DC. Due to the number of Fortune 500 companies located in the area there is a robust legal market both inhouse and at firms. I am from New England and I had the stereotypical opinion of the Dallas area and Texans in general and I can honestly say that my preconceived notions were completely wrong. I have worked with incredibly smart people from all over the world. The legal departments in particular have lawyers from the best law schools in the US and they are managing interesting cases.

I recommend you reach out to your network and see who lives in the area so you can get firsthand knowledge.

But would they hire someone as senior as me with no connections to the Dallas area?

-OP

Of course, you're an associate not a Sr. partner pulling down 1.5 million a year. When we hire we expect our lawyers to have 8-10 years experience at least due to the complexity of the issues we face. That said, the salaries are much lower in Dallas in general and in-house in particular and performance expectations are just as high so there will be some sticker shock. That said, they all have beautiful houses with pools that cost a quarter what we paid for our inside the beltway house with a postage stamp backyard. I have noticed that the lawyers I work with have a tendency to send their children to private schools and the business people send their kids to public schools. Like anywhere, the quality of the schools depend on where you live.

OP, what is really going on in your marriage? I dot buy for one second that everything is good , and that this is your only issue.
Mature people in healthy relationships don't say " I get my way or the highway!"
Get marriage counseling.

Yikes. I think if you're this upset about "losing your career", the marriage is rocky at best. The potential move is bringing everything to a head.

I can't imagine breaking up my family for this. You outlined your thoughts on what could happen to your career, but what about your kid? Take into consideration visitation, transportation, custody, and coparenting is equally important.

Are there other reasons you want to divorce?

I think you and your spouse need to talk about your future together. It would be a shame if, every couple of years, one of you gets an opportunity to move causing a battle between the two of you every time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My company is located in Irving although I am based in DC. Due to the number of Fortune 500 companies located in the area there is a robust legal market both inhouse and at firms. I am from New England and I had the stereotypical opinion of the Dallas area and Texans in general and I can honestly say that my preconceived notions were completely wrong. I have worked with incredibly smart people from all over the world. The legal departments in particular have lawyers from the best law schools in the US and they are managing interesting cases.

I recommend you reach out to your network and see who lives in the area so you can get firsthand knowledge.

But would they hire someone as senior as me with no connections to the Dallas area?

-OP

You don't sound that senior. Didn't you say you're just a few years out of your 2nd clerkship?

Anonymous wrote:You need to at least try to find something. You don't end a marriage and try to coparent a 2 year old cross country because you SUSPECT you're too senior to find something. Fwiw, I think he's right it's your turn to be supportive of him.

This. Otherwise you're just being stubborn and completely foolish and destructive.