Just an anecdote- but my father and my sister both have the same late-summer birthday (makes it easy not to forget). My father was not held back, and to this day complains that he wishes he had been. Felt immature socially etc. My sister WAS held back and to this day ALSO complains about it and wishes she hadn't been held back. Said she hated being the biggest kid, the first to develop etc.

TL;DR - you can't win.

We redshirted our late August girl. She is in 3rd grade now and I still have my doubts about the decision. Ultimately, I think she would have done fine on time vs. wait a year. No regrets (yet), but also not convinced this was the only path for her.

Anonymous wrote:Redshirting is the right move for kids who are delayed or have specific problems. If not, it's a selfish move based on entitlement and insecurity.

Anonymous wrote:Redshirting is the right move for kids who are delayed or have specific problems. If not, it's a selfish move based on entitlement and insecurity.

Maybe, but if the child has a special need like ADHD or autism, that is not going to go away with the gift of time. My dd's 2nd grade teacher mentioned holding back dd and having her repeat 2nd grade (she has a winter bday), but her ADHD wasn't going to disappear. All the same issues would be there. Dd moved ahead, and she is doing great. She had a lot of supports in 3rd grade, and we finally decided to try meds towards the end of 3rd grade. Now in 4th, she has been described as organized, eager, and smart. The teachers read her IEP from last year, and say that she isn't the same kid.

No. We sent my early August birthday son to K on time, and it was a disaster socially and emotionally by 2nd grade, though his academics were fine. Not only was he emotionally immature, but he is tiny, even adjusted for his age. When we moved, and started him in a new school district, we had him do 2nd grade again. He is now in 4th and doing much better socially and emotionally. He is not the kind of kid who will ever be super popular, a leader, or terrific at sports, but now he has a group of friends, can navigate social situations with classmates, and is not glaringly awful at sports.

Not exactly the answer to the question asked but in my family I was "redshirted" and my sister was not. This was when the cutoff was Dec 1 and both of us were Fall birthdays. We are adults now and my mother has always said she wishes she has held back my sister because she struggled all through school both academically and socially, while I did not. However the caveat is - my sister and I are very different people and there is no way to know if holding her back would've made a difference or not.

Anonymous wrote:You can't get good objective info from parents. Parents can never know what would have been if they had made a different choice... All they know is that their kids turned out how they did and then can try and correlate that outcome to their choices. But correlation does not equal causation.

Agreed. Very, very few parents are going to tell you they regret their decision and a large number will believe their child is doing well b/c they held them back because people like to attribute positive results to their own actions. It's comical. Heck, one parent admitted to having regret and the next poster tried to discount them b/c that response didn't confirm the second poster's belief that redshirting is always the best choice.

This debate always gets so contentious. Just do what you think is best for your kid and your family. It's like all the other debates in parenthood: breastfeeding, CIO, TV, blah blah blah. You do you. Let others do themselves. Move on.

No regrets. If your kids are in a school where almost everyone does this, you have to if you don't want to put your kids at a disadvantage.

Anonymous wrote:We did not red shirt my late August birthday son, and I'm starting to worry we should have, mostly because SO many other kids in his class were redshirted.

And this is why when people say "myob" about others redshirting their kids irks me, because as you are finding out, doing this does impact your kid.

PP - I have two summer bday kids, neither redshirted. They are still in ES, one about to hit MS. I have to keep reminding them that they are probably one of the youngest, if not the youngest, in their class, and that at this age, a 12+ month age difference matters. I try to focus on their positives, like how they are doing really well in school (one is in a magnet program) even compared to their much older peers. For boys, yes, physically it's going to matter more when they hit MS because chances are, my DS will not hit puberty until much later. I try to prepare them for what's to come.

As someone stated, in the end, size and academics even out, but it's things like self-esteem, grit and determination, those kinds of non-academic, non-physical attributes that may differ. Someone who is smaller and younger who has to try to keep up with their peers all throughout school has to have some grit and determination. On the flip side, if you don't constantly remind them that they are about a year younger than some, they may also suffer from some self esteem issues because they are trying to compare themselves to older kids.

My birthday is right on the cut off so I was always one of the youngest (and yes smallest). I'm also the youngest in my family. I don't know if it's nurture or nature, but I have had to develop some grit over the years. It's served me well, and it's helped my self-esteem in some ways. I'm trying to instill some of this on my kids.

We did not red shirt my late August birthday son, and I'm starting to worry we should have, mostly because SO many other kids in his class were redshirted.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Redshirting is the right move for kids who are delayed or have specific problems. If not, it's a selfish move based on entitlement and insecurity.

THIS!!!

THIS AGAIN!!!!

Anonymous wrote:Redshirting is the right move for kids who are delayed or have specific problems. If not, it's a selfish move based on entitlement and insecurity.

THIS!!!

Redshirting is the right move for kids who are delayed or have specific problems. If not, it's a selfish move based on entitlement and insecurity.

It's interesting that my late summer DD who will start on time will be around all these old fart redshirted kids.