Anonymous
Post 04/16/2016 10:01     Subject: How involved are you in your kid's college decision?
OP here.

To clarify my question, DD was accepted at all the schools to which she applied. My husband and I set a price limit and she received enough merit aid so that they are all affordable options.

There is one school that is the best academic fit for her. But in recent months, she decided that she wants to go to school in a large city. So she has ruled out all but two schools because of this.

I am torn because I don't think that the most important factor should be a school's urban location and I am afraid she is giving up a much better academic experience and opportunity. I know that even if she later decides to transfer, it is very doubtful that she will receive the same merit scholarships. On the other hand, I want to respect her wishes in this process - and I know she will resent us if we "make" her go somewhere else. My husband and I are paying for her education entirely. She is not taking out any loans. Financially, she will only be responsible for extra spending money.

Thoughts?
Anonymous
Post 04/12/2016 13:02     Subject: How involved are you in your kid's college decision?
Anonymous wrote:I didn't save money for DD's college and plan on working a 2nd full-time job to pay her tuition and all that comes with it. She will take out some loans, and do work study, but the bill is on me. I don't mind because I didn't do the right thing with my money these last 10 years (the first 7, we were very poor, so I couldn't save then), so I don't want her to suffer because she had a mom that screwed around. It's only for 4 years, I have no other children, and this way she finishes with only a small amount of debt (which I will help her pay that too once she has to start paying it back).


All this to say that money is not going to be a determining factor of where she will go. She will go to the best school for her degree program that accepts her.
Anonymous
Post 04/12/2016 13:00     Subject: How involved are you in your kid's college decision?
I didn't save money for DD's college and plan on working a 2nd full-time job to pay her tuition and all that comes with it. She will take out some loans, and do work study, but the bill is on me. I don't mind because I didn't do the right thing with my money these last 10 years (the first 7, we were very poor, so I couldn't save then), so I don't want her to suffer because she had a mom that screwed around. It's only for 4 years, I have no other children, and this way she finishes with only a small amount of debt (which I will help her pay that too once she has to start paying it back).
Anonymous
Post 04/12/2016 10:28     Subject: Re:How involved are you in your kid's college decision?
This is a non-traditional approach that worked for my parents. They planned to pay for college and we visited schools together. I had a number of affordable options, including one with a full merit scholarship for room, board and tuition (does that even exist anymore!?!). My parents offered me a portion of the college savings, regardless of cost for the school that I choose. If I spent less than that amount, they would give me the balance after graduation. I ended up choosing a moderately priced option but not the very cheapest. After graduation, they gave me about $40k (over multiple years, avoiding gift tax). I used a little bit of that on travel after graduation and most as part of the down payment on my first house 10 years later. This obviously isn't right for every family but it worked well for us and was a motivator for me to do well in high school and earn scholarships.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2016 16:35     Subject: How involved are you in your kid's college decision?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op ~ you want them to "own" the decision. It's their first big decision as an adult. They will work hard (harder) to prove they make a good decision. I think this is the most important aspect. I assume you agreed to all applications.


but it's easy "own" it when YOU don't have to pay


Determine ahead of time what your budget is and convey that to your DC. Once the decisions come in, including financial and merit aid, kick schools that don't meet the budget off the list. Your child can choose from the others.

If you are paying up to $X, then pay up to $X. Or don't. But if you do, then don't lord it over your child as a control mechanism.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2016 16:16     Subject: How involved are you in your kid's college decision?
Anonymous wrote:Op ~ you want them to "own" the decision. It's their first big decision as an adult. They will work hard (harder) to prove they make a good decision. I think this is the most important aspect. I assume you agreed to all applications.


but it's easy "own" it when YOU don't have to pay
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2016 16:14     Subject: How involved are you in your kid's college decision?
Anonymous wrote:Op ~ you want them to "own" the decision. It's their first big decision as an adult. They will work hard (harder) to prove they make a good decision. I think this is the most important aspect. I assume you agreed to all applications.


+1
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2016 14:41     Subject: How involved are you in your kid's college decision?
I made the decision because of cost, at the time it was most unpopular. Fast forward a year, DD is happy, has no debt and I can afford it, my other child made a cost decision and is glad he did.
If the issue was not cost I would have let the child make the decision, why not?
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2016 21:01     Subject: How involved are you in your kid's college decision?
Op ~ you want them to "own" the decision. It's their first big decision as an adult. They will work hard (harder) to prove they make a good decision. I think this is the most important aspect. I assume you agreed to all applications.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2016 19:36     Subject: How involved are you in your kid's college decision?
I really think so much on the decision depends on what you can afford. If you can easily afford 65K a year- then by all means apply and go wherever. However, if that's not the case, I think students should go where the $ is. Our DC, like many students, was a top notch student. Had the stats to apply anywhere and had heart set on an HYP. DC knew it meant loans to attend. DC did not get in but ended up at a great state school. It was less to go there with TAG then to other schools that offered DC substantial merit $. In hindsight, don't know what we would have done if HYP on the table- the name is luring but the loans are a killer. YMMV
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2016 12:29     Subject: Re:How involved are you in your kid's college decision?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This thread is interesting to me as a parent of a junior because we are trying to get some of these things ironed out up front but I'm seeing that it can't always be as clear as you might want it to be. For instance my DD is planning to apply to a group of public schools where we think she will be eligible for merit money. These are somewhat a tier down from where she could get in, think Denison or Dickinson for example. She is also applying to places where she might get in but they have no merit or she may not get it - Bates, Kenyon, Georgetown. I guess I could see a scenario where she gets into Georgetown and also Dickinson but doesn't get much or any merit for Dickinson. We can make it work with no merit but it would be tighter (no loans though) but I honestly might try to sway her to take the Georgetown offer in that scenario because she will have more opportunities coming out of a school like that - and it will end up costing us the same. Is anyone going through that? In the end I would never force her to do something she doesn't want but I might try to make a strong case if I am investing a lot of money.


I don't follow you. Denison and Dickinson give merit aid. Kenyon does too (not much, but it does).

Georgetown and Bates give zero merit aid.

I disagree that a name-brand school afford more opportunities than e.g. Denison or College of Wooster, but I guess you and others disagree, and are therefore willing to pony up so much money for that name.


This is a good post on the topic.

http://www.thecollegesolution.com/is-a-trophy-school-worth-the-price/

I agree that Georgetown with no merit money versus Dickinson with $25K per year is a no-brainer. Take the money!! We're not talking about Harvard here!! Georgetown is not much more prestigious than Dickinson. Your child won't get many more opportunities at Georgetown, certainly not $100K worth of opportunities.


Thanks for the link. I'm the PP who is looking at options for my junior and I tend to agree that Dickinson with $25K vs Georgetown with nothing might be an easy decision. It gets harder when the merit is lower and the disparity in what one offers for her major is greater than the other. DD's number one choice, as encouraged by us, is to get into UMCP Honors. We live in MD so even with no merit that option is pretty hard to turn down. I am a Bates alum so having her there would be great too but I'm not sure it's $65K a year great if another similar place offered good money. Like I said, we are still somewhat early on and it will depend on where her scores and grades end up. She seems a good bet for all of these and good bet for merit to the ones who give it - but you never know.

I suspect that in a year's time we will be weighing her options and I hope we're lucky enough to be considering one that has good merit money.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2016 11:22     Subject: Re:How involved are you in your kid's college decision?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This thread is interesting to me as a parent of a junior because we are trying to get some of these things ironed out up front but I'm seeing that it can't always be as clear as you might want it to be. For instance my DD is planning to apply to a group of public schools where we think she will be eligible for merit money. These are somewhat a tier down from where she could get in, think Denison or Dickinson for example. She is also applying to places where she might get in but they have no merit or she may not get it - Bates, Kenyon, Georgetown. I guess I could see a scenario where she gets into Georgetown and also Dickinson but doesn't get much or any merit for Dickinson. We can make it work with no merit but it would be tighter (no loans though) but I honestly might try to sway her to take the Georgetown offer in that scenario because she will have more opportunities coming out of a school like that - and it will end up costing us the same. Is anyone going through that? In the end I would never force her to do something she doesn't want but I might try to make a strong case if I am investing a lot of money.


I don't follow you. Denison and Dickinson give merit aid. Kenyon does too (not much, but it does).

Georgetown and Bates give zero merit aid.

I disagree that a name-brand school afford more opportunities than e.g. Denison or College of Wooster, but I guess you and others disagree, and are therefore willing to pony up so much money for that name.


This is a good post on the topic.

http://www.thecollegesolution.com/is-a-trophy-school-worth-the-price/

I agree that Georgetown with no merit money versus Dickinson with $25K per year is a no-brainer. Take the money!! We're not talking about Harvard here!! Georgetown is not much more prestigious than Dickinson. Your child won't get many more opportunities at Georgetown, certainly not $100K worth of opportunities.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2016 20:58     Subject: How involved are you in your kid's college decision?
We've been upfront with DS about what colleges we can afford. He can only apply to privates that offer merit aid and to in-state publics. That's it.

We wasted a lot of time and money visiting colleges that offered no merit aid with DC#1, who got into all the colleges, but we could afford none of them. So, at least on the front end, we are very involved. With DC#1, the final decision came down to money. We refused to take on loans, and DC#1 had several good in-state and private with merit options.

If money were no object, then I think we might back off a bit and let DS decide where to apply. But that's not an option. He can only apply to colleges we can afford.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2016 20:54     Subject: Re:How involved are you in your kid's college decision?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This thread is interesting to me as a parent of a junior because we are trying to get some of these things ironed out up front but I'm seeing that it can't always be as clear as you might want it to be. For instance my DD is planning to apply to a group of public schools where we think she will be eligible for merit money. These are somewhat a tier down from where she could get in, think Denison or Dickinson for example. She is also applying to places where she might get in but they have no merit or she may not get it - Bates, Kenyon, Georgetown. I guess I could see a scenario where she gets into Georgetown and also Dickinson but doesn't get much or any merit for Dickinson. We can make it work with no merit but it would be tighter (no loans though) but I honestly might try to sway her to take the Georgetown offer in that scenario because she will have more opportunities coming out of a school like that - and it will end up costing us the same. Is anyone going through that? In the end I would never force her to do something she doesn't want but I might try to make a strong case if I am investing a lot of money.


I don't follow you. Denison and Dickinson give merit aid. Kenyon does too (not much, but it does).

Georgetown and Bates give zero merit aid.

I disagree that a name-brand school afford more opportunities than e.g. Denison or College of Wooster, but I guess you and others disagree, and are therefore willing to pony up so much money for that name.


I agree that Georgetown with no merit money versus Dickinson with $25K per year is a no-brainer. Take the money!! We're not talking about Harvard here!! Georgetown is not much more prestigious than Dickinson. Your child won't get many more opportunities at Georgetown, certainly not $100K worth of opportunities.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2016 18:33     Subject: How involved are you in your kid's college decision?
Re-read the post. What PP is saying makes sense. She's assessing her own kid's odds of getting merit aid (and admission) at various schools. Sometimes those odds are 0% because a school doesn't give merit aid; other times the odds are 0 because they only give merit aid to kids with very different profiles than her DC will have.