Anonymous
Post 04/06/2016 15:42     Subject: Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?
Tell him when he gets back from deployment, he can add "household Walmart shopper" to his list of responsibilities. In the meantime, give him your Amazon username and password so he has the ability to monitor the purchases if he cares so much.

My husband complains about the Target bill, even when I only buy food, diapers and formula (really.). And buy mostly the store brand. I flip out quarterly and tell him he's welcome to do the shopping and that closes the discussion.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2016 15:37     Subject: Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?
You shouldn't use a debit card for online shopping. If the card number gets stolen it's harder to get the bank to refund the money. Get a credit card. I have a citibank card that links to my Amazon account and I can use the points to make purchases. That way a $50 purchase shows up as a $30 purchase for example. Amex also allows you to link your credit card points to Amazon.
Do you have Amazon Prime? You can get discounts on subscriptions for diapers and wipes.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2016 15:04     Subject: Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Hide the tp and detergent, stop washing his clothes. Tell him you couldn't find these items for free and they're too expensive to buy.


He checks the checking account daily, that's where he's seeing all the purchases. He just thinks I'm blowing $60 at a time on random crap on Amazon.


Forward him your order confirmations from Amazon so that he can see you're buying things that are not frivolous.


She already said that he doesnt want to review the receipts. Which honestly is pretty annoying considering he is complaining. I'd go with not shopping for a month or having him do it.


NP here. You forward the Amazon receipts to his email. He can choose to open them or ignore them. If he harps on the charge, you give him the stock answer "I forwarded the receipt to your email. You can see for yourself.". If he complains that he doesn't want to review the receipts then you tell him he'll have to stop complaining about the Amazon charges. You aren't't going to waste time talking to him about the charges. He will have the receipt anytime he wants to know whY the charges are. Period.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2016 14:31     Subject: Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?
I'd go nuts, op. My dh is at another base out of state, and I'm hanging on by a thread solo parenting a 3yo and 6yo. If dh was getting pissy about my spending I'd absolutely flip on him.

Do you get any breaks? I have a high school girl who watches my kids on Saturday mornings, so that's my "me time". Something like that might let you go grocery shopping and feel a bit more on top of things. In your shoes I might get my own credit card to stop the pestering. Hugs - I totally get how you're feeling!!!
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2016 14:24     Subject: Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?
He's deployed?

Oh, hell, this is classic. Remind him that second guessing you is NOT HELPFUL. And he needs to say something appreciative before he ever criticizes you. And for heaven's sake, he gets extra pay for being deployed and tax breaks that should be used to make your life easier!

Thank him for his hard work to support the family, of course. But damn, remind him of the current division of responsibility right now.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2016 14:20     Subject: Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?
Anonymous wrote:Ok, I'm also wondering then about constant charges.

Why not group everything into one big purchase twice a month? It doesn't sound very efficient or streamlined to constantly be buying stuff off Amazon.

A steady stream of purchases would be what would bug me if I was reviewing just the statement. It would seem to me to be impulse buying.

So next time you need something, write it down, then after a week place one entire order.


Honestly, it's the depression and inability to run a household effectively by myself (first deployment with a child and it's kicking my ass). And I can't wait a week when I realize we're out of toilet paper. And, since shipping is free, there's really no incentive to group orders...except the environment impact, yes, I know, I know.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2016 14:18     Subject: Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Stop using Amazon. Buy all of this stuff at the store in one trip. The advantage is that it is human nature that seeing 10 charges for $10 is more concerning than seeing 1 charge for $100.


I can't do the store. So many reasons, but I just can't.


You need to explain your logic.

Sometimes, Amazon is a good deal, sometimes not, but the fact your husband won't look at the receipts is pathetic. Don't complain about something without knowing all the details.


Fine. He's deployed and we have a three year old who is not the greatest joy to take to the store. I work 60+ hours a week, I'm depressed and lonely, and it's damn near impossible to find time to go to Walmart. I'm ok with paying a little extra for convenience, and he says he is too, but still questions every charge.

He's not controlling, by the way, just paranoid about identify theft.


Could this just be a way he gets to participate in the household while he's away? It's a really annoying thing, but with him deployed, I could see how it keeps him engaged with family stuff and his mind off of other things.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2016 14:17     Subject: Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?
Ok, I'm also wondering then about constant charges.

Why not group everything into one big purchase twice a month? It doesn't sound very efficient or streamlined to constantly be buying stuff off Amazon.

A steady stream of purchases would be what would bug me if I was reviewing just the statement. It would seem to me to be impulse buying.

So next time you need something, write it down, then after a week place one entire order.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2016 14:14     Subject: Re:Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?
Anonymous wrote:Get your own CC and use that for all online purchases. Then he won't see the charges and won't have anything to complain about. If he asks how you are buying things explain that you got your own card. If he throws a fit tell him he is an insufferable bastard and find a new husband.


We generally don't use cc's, but it's an option. Of course, then he'd wonder why the Amex bill was so high!
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2016 14:13     Subject: Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Stop using Amazon. Buy all of this stuff at the store in one trip. The advantage is that it is human nature that seeing 10 charges for $10 is more concerning than seeing 1 charge for $100.


I can't do the store. So many reasons, but I just can't.


You need to explain your logic.

Sometimes, Amazon is a good deal, sometimes not, but the fact your husband won't look at the receipts is pathetic. Don't complain about something without knowing all the details.


Fine. He's deployed and we have a three year old who is not the greatest joy to take to the store. I work 60+ hours a week, I'm depressed and lonely, and it's damn near impossible to find time to go to Walmart. I'm ok with paying a little extra for convenience, and he says he is too, but still questions every charge.

He's not controlling, by the way, just paranoid about identify theft.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2016 14:08     Subject: Re:Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?
Get your own CC and use that for all online purchases. Then he won't see the charges and won't have anything to complain about. If he asks how you are buying things explain that you got your own card. If he throws a fit tell him he is an insufferable bastard and find a new husband.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2016 13:42     Subject: Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Stop using Amazon. Buy all of this stuff at the store in one trip. The advantage is that it is human nature that seeing 10 charges for $10 is more concerning than seeing 1 charge for $100.


I can't do the store. So many reasons, but I just can't.


You need to explain your logic.

Sometimes, Amazon is a good deal, sometimes not, but the fact your husband won't look at the receipts is pathetic. Don't complain about something without knowing all the details.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2016 13:20     Subject: Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?
Anonymous wrote:Stop using Amazon. Buy all of this stuff at the store in one trip. The advantage is that it is human nature that seeing 10 charges for $10 is more concerning than seeing 1 charge for $100.


I can't do the store. So many reasons, but I just can't.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2016 13:18     Subject: Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?
Stop using Amazon. Buy all of this stuff at the store in one trip. The advantage is that it is human nature that seeing 10 charges for $10 is more concerning than seeing 1 charge for $100.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2016 13:17     Subject: Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?
Anonymous wrote:just let yourself run out of stuff (napkins, toiletries and detergent) and start cutting those napkins into smaller squares and see what he says. Oh, I'm just reducing our spending.
Then again, I think you probably do the laundry? Then, there's no way he will even know there's detergent. Just do his laundry without detergent.

What do you buy anyways on a daily basis?

Are there diapers you need to buy? That's usually a lot of money. Cut the spending on junk food, that's what I do. Do you buy beer/wine or bread? Just go a week without that and say, I'm cutting spending so I decided to cut out beer, hot dogs and bread or cut out the things he likes.


Yes, I buy diapers as well. (You spent $75 at Target?) I don't buy junk food or beer/wine/bread.

He eats out every day for lunch!