Anonymous
04/10/2016 16:07
Subject: Nosey Inlaws
Anonymous wrote:Op here,
Thanks for the feedback all. When my husband and I purchased our first home our parents were involved. Fast forward a decade and I think we are both more than capable of handling this on our own. My inlaws very much want to have a walk through of our potential house (pictures don't suffice) and have input on what we ask (although it doesn't affect them financially at all)
I want to thank the person especially who said that you show people how you want to be treated. Although I was somewhat aware of this, I wasn't employing it in my day to day life with friends and family. It's indeed a game changer.
That was me!
OP, good luck. I strongly urge you not to let them do a walk through. Simply tell them, "This is our decision, and we are confident that we have good judgment in this matter." As the saying goes, "Start as you mean to go on." If you open the door to a walk-through, you open the door to even more expectation/involvement.
Polite but firm! Good luck!
Anonymous
04/10/2016 15:52
Subject: Nosey Inlaws
Op here,
Thanks for the feedback all. When my husband and I purchased our first home our parents were involved. Fast forward a decade and I think we are both more than capable of handling this on our own. My inlaws very much want to have a walk through of our potential house (pictures don't suffice) and have input on what we ask (although it doesn't affect them financially at all)
I want to thank the person especially who said that you show people how you want to be treated. Although I was somewhat aware of this, I wasn't employing it in my day to day life with friends and family. It's indeed a game changer.
Thanks for the feedback all. When my husband and I purchased our first home our parents were involved. Fast forward a decade and I think we are both more than capable of handling this on our own. My inlaws very much want to have a walk through of our potential house (pictures don't suffice) and have input on what we ask (although it doesn't affect them financially at all)
I want to thank the person especially who said that you show people how you want to be treated. Although I was somewhat aware of this, I wasn't employing it in my day to day life with friends and family. It's indeed a game changer.
Anonymous
04/10/2016 10:58
Subject: Nosey Inlaws
.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's strange that you wouldn't discuss how much your house cost with your family. We wanted our parents' help in evaluating homes, so we had an open discussion with them.
That said, I don't think they know how much we make unless DH has told his parents (maybe they know how much he makes and not me, I don't know).
I was pretty pissed that they told DH's crazy spinster aunt how much our house cost because she was like cussing us out at spending so much money. Excuse me for not living in basically a trailer in butt-fuck middle of nowhere like you do, lady.
Some of us don't need Mommy and Daddy to help us evaluate homes. It's odd that YOU do.
Aunt wouldn't have known if ILs hadn't told them...keep private stuff private!
Anonymous
04/10/2016 10:54
Subject: Nosey Inlaws
Anonymous wrote:It's strange that you wouldn't discuss how much your house cost with your family. We wanted our parents' help in evaluating homes, so we had an open discussion with them.
That said, I don't think they know how much we make unless DH has told his parents (maybe they know how much he makes and not me, I don't know).
I was pretty pissed that they told DH's crazy spinster aunt how much our house cost because she was like cussing us out at spending so much money. Excuse me for not living in basically a trailer in butt-fuck middle of nowhere like you do, lady.
Some of us don't need Mommy and Daddy to help us evaluate homes. It's odd that YOU do.
Anonymous
04/09/2016 23:37
Subject: Nosey Inlaws
It's strange that you wouldn't discuss how much your house cost with your family. We wanted our parents' help in evaluating homes, so we had an open discussion with them.
That said, I don't think they know how much we make unless DH has told his parents (maybe they know how much he makes and not me, I don't know).
I was pretty pissed that they told DH's crazy spinster aunt how much our house cost because she was like cussing us out at spending so much money. Excuse me for not living in basically a trailer in butt-fuck middle of nowhere like you do, lady.
That said, I don't think they know how much we make unless DH has told his parents (maybe they know how much he makes and not me, I don't know).
I was pretty pissed that they told DH's crazy spinster aunt how much our house cost because she was like cussing us out at spending so much money. Excuse me for not living in basically a trailer in butt-fuck middle of nowhere like you do, lady.
Anonymous
04/08/2016 16:05
Subject: Re:Nosey Inlaws
"That's private." Rinse and repeat. Don't explain.
Anonymous
04/07/2016 12:13
Subject: Nosey Inlaws
My aunt asks these types of questions. Once she asked her brother how much he made in front of the rest of the family and he simply said I'm not going to tell you because it's my private information. That was the end of that.
Anonymous
04/07/2016 10:19
Subject: Nosey Inlaws
Anonymous wrote:How do you all handle this? I'm pretty close to my MIL but she asks questions that aren't her business. For instance: How much does her son make, how much did we sell our house for? How much is the house we are looking at? How much for pretty much anything I have or own? It's frustrating. I have decided to start reversing the tables so she can see how it feels and she always pretends like she knows nothing and can't answer anything. I also feel pretty awkward asking even if I'm only doing it to teach her a lesson. How do I handle such personal questions?
Stop doing this. It is passive-aggressive, immature and runs directly counter to what you are trying to achieve. Your MIL is now confused--she must think you are OK with discussing this, because why else would you ask? You teach people how to treat you. Simply tell her, "Mary, I'm not comfortable discussing this type of private information." BOOM. THAT'S IT. Then make good on what you say and don't discuss it!
Anonymous
04/07/2016 08:49
Subject: Re:Nosey Inlaws
Anonymous wrote:Do you have the same MIL as I do? My MIL is obsessive about our financials and it makes me so uncomfortable.
+1
My MIL is obsessed with anything her cronies are discussing. If they are nosy about their IL's finances, she is too; if they are nosy and derogatory about their ILs, she is too; ad nauseum. So annoying.
Anonymous
04/06/2016 19:02
Subject: Nosey Inlaws
"Ask him", "I don't know", "I don't want to say"
Anonymous
04/06/2016 18:54
Subject: Re:Nosey Inlaws
I'd say "Why don't you ask DH what he makes?", "I don't remember", "I got it on sale", "It wasn't that much", "about mid range". Just give vague answers. Or say "none of your beeswax, you old ninny!"
Anonymous
04/06/2016 16:08
Subject: Nosey Inlaws
Is your DH on the same page about not wanting to share info? If so come up with a plan and stick to it and do not answer.
I have some nosey relatives.
Uncle: How much do you make?
Me: I make an amount that we are happy with.
Uncle:How much does your husband make?
Me:He also makes an amount we are happy with.
Uncle? But how much
Me: enough for us!
Uncle: Oh so you make a lot?
Me:We're happy with how much we make.
And on and on and on.
I have some nosey relatives.
Uncle: How much do you make?
Me: I make an amount that we are happy with.
Uncle:How much does your husband make?
Me:He also makes an amount we are happy with.
Uncle? But how much
Me: enough for us!
Uncle: Oh so you make a lot?
Me:We're happy with how much we make.
And on and on and on.
Anonymous
04/06/2016 12:29
Subject: Nosey Inlaws
Op here, haha. I suppose I would be much more willing to share if she was. She wants all of our info but blatantly lies about her own situation. That's frustrating. Thanks All!
Anonymous
04/06/2016 11:54
Subject: Nosey Inlaws
Anonymous wrote:"I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you . . . So last year we made . . . "
HA. This. Maybe reach for a knife while saying it. JK!!
Anonymous
04/06/2016 10:54
Subject: Re:Nosey Inlaws
Do you have the same MIL as I do? My MIL is obsessive about our financials and it makes me so uncomfortable.