Anonymous
03/29/2016 17:10
Subject: Re:Toddler having rough time adjusting to baby
Anonymous wrote:This is why you don't have a baby while the older one is still a baby.
Seriously. Why do people do this to their kids and themselves?
Anonymous
03/29/2016 15:13
Subject: Toddler having rough time adjusting to baby
I am sorry OP, that is hard. My kids are farther apart (Ds was 3 yrs 9 months when we had DS2). However, one day DS1 told me "sometimes I wish that you would do something for me first," I realized how I had been putting the babies needs before his 100% of the time and that wasn't really necessary. So the next time DS1 asked for something I made a big deal of telling the baby "Hold on baby, I have to do something for your brother." The baby cried for a bit, but it was all of 1 minute or less to do what it was my older son needed. The baby was obviously fine. And DS1 was a lot happier. From that point on I tried to do one thing a day where I clearly put DS1 first so he wouldn't feel so pushed out.
Anonymous
03/29/2016 14:33
Subject: Re:Toddler having rough time adjusting to baby
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is why you don't have a baby while the older one is still a baby.
This.
+1
Stfu people
Anonymous
03/29/2016 14:28
Subject: Toddler having rough time adjusting to baby
Anonymous wrote:OP here- thanks to all those who posted kind words. It is so hard right now but I'm keeping faith that in a few months it gets better. The most frustrating thing is honestly the feeding, DS#2 is constantly cluster feeding and it's causing oversupply so I have to pump on top of that.
Now that the weather is nice DS#1 gets a couple of hours of playground time in the mornings/afternoons and we do music class and playgroup together as well. We have a sitter in the evening so DS#1 gets about 2 hours of complete alone time with me to read stories and splash around in his tub. I am constantly loving on DS#1 so I doubt that he thinks he's been replaced, I just think he's frustrated that there's a new addition that's around all the time now.
As for spacing- it was for fertility reasons and pretty unexpected that it happened so quick.
It sounds like you're doing great, OP! Just keep it up and time will make it better.
Anonymous
03/29/2016 14:23
Subject: Toddler having rough time adjusting to baby
Hang in there OP. The upside is that your toddler won't even remember a time without his sibling after a few months. It will just seem like it's always been this way. You are in the thick of it now.
I always tried to imagine what I'd do if I had twins. Surely one must wait or cry for a few minutes while the other one was being tended to. It's OK! Not every child has their every whim taken care of immediately. Your older one will catch on. And in a few months the baby will be giving feedback and your older one will love that.
Just wade through it doing the best you can. And please ignore the nasty posters who seem to think 18 months isn't enough space between children. Someone must have peed in their cornflakes this AM.
I always tried to imagine what I'd do if I had twins. Surely one must wait or cry for a few minutes while the other one was being tended to. It's OK! Not every child has their every whim taken care of immediately. Your older one will catch on. And in a few months the baby will be giving feedback and your older one will love that.
Just wade through it doing the best you can. And please ignore the nasty posters who seem to think 18 months isn't enough space between children. Someone must have peed in their cornflakes this AM.
Anonymous
03/29/2016 13:48
Subject: Toddler having rough time adjusting to baby
OP here- thanks to all those who posted kind words. It is so hard right now but I'm keeping faith that in a few months it gets better. The most frustrating thing is honestly the feeding, DS#2 is constantly cluster feeding and it's causing oversupply so I have to pump on top of that.
Now that the weather is nice DS#1 gets a couple of hours of playground time in the mornings/afternoons and we do music class and playgroup together as well. We have a sitter in the evening so DS#1 gets about 2 hours of complete alone time with me to read stories and splash around in his tub. I am constantly loving on DS#1 so I doubt that he thinks he's been replaced, I just think he's frustrated that there's a new addition that's around all the time now.
As for spacing- it was for fertility reasons and pretty unexpected that it happened so quick.
Now that the weather is nice DS#1 gets a couple of hours of playground time in the mornings/afternoons and we do music class and playgroup together as well. We have a sitter in the evening so DS#1 gets about 2 hours of complete alone time with me to read stories and splash around in his tub. I am constantly loving on DS#1 so I doubt that he thinks he's been replaced, I just think he's frustrated that there's a new addition that's around all the time now.
As for spacing- it was for fertility reasons and pretty unexpected that it happened so quick.
Anonymous
03/29/2016 10:39
Subject: Toddler having rough time adjusting to baby
Many of us have been there and it's a hard transition no matter the age range. Some kids are just more independent than others and don't need as much attention. My DD was 2.5 when her sister was born and I think things were rough for about 6 months and then slowly started getting better.
I think the key is to spend as much time with the older one as possible to feel like things haven't changed quite as much. Could you get a sitter to stay home with the baby for a few hours a week? That's what I did and it helped a ton. I signed ODD up for a music class we went to together, and then out for lunch or a treat and she loved it. Getting out of the house and away from the baby was really helpful.
I think the key is to spend as much time with the older one as possible to feel like things haven't changed quite as much. Could you get a sitter to stay home with the baby for a few hours a week? That's what I did and it helped a ton. I signed ODD up for a music class we went to together, and then out for lunch or a treat and she loved it. Getting out of the house and away from the baby was really helpful.
Anonymous
03/29/2016 08:05
Subject: Toddler having rough time adjusting to baby
Just wanted to caviat all these negative posters-Op, my mom had two under two. I was the older, 17 months when my sister was born. I have no memories of my life before her, but she and I have been BFs and partners in crime for (most of) our entire lives. I would absolutely consider her the best gift my mom ever gave me. I know you're in the thick of it now, and I don't have any advice for you, but it DOES get better.
Anonymous
03/29/2016 07:51
Subject: Re:Toddler having rough time adjusting to baby
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is why you don't have a baby while the older one is still a baby.
This.
+1
Oh please. NP here. With a 3 year old and a 3 week old and it's bad even with this age difference. I have to watch them like a hawk or the baby might get seriously hurt by the jealous toddler. Leave OP alone.
I agree -- I had these problems as well when my oldest was 24 months. My sister in law had the same issues and her oldest was 3.5 years old.
Now mine are 3 and 1 and they are best fiends. I feel like I gave my oldest a gift -- not the other way around. But yes, the first few months are a huge adjustment and it's hard for all involved. I was 6 years old when my little brother involved and insanely jealous -- I'd had my parents to myself for 6 whole years. Give me a break with this shaming -- shame on you for being so horrible to the OP.
Anonymous
03/29/2016 07:47
Subject: Re:Toddler having rough time adjusting to baby
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is why you don't have a baby while the older one is still a baby.
This.
+1
Like I said before it took us 2.5 years and 2 IVF cycles to get pregnant with the first one. The second one was a surprise.
Anonymous
03/29/2016 06:48
Subject: Toddler having rough time adjusting to baby
OP, please ignore the nasty posters. No one would be that cruel unless they were jealous or insecure about their own child spacing.
My kids are 20 months apart, now 3 and 1.5 and absolutely adore each other. You will get there, too! Adding a new baby can be tough no matter what the age of the first child. Just continue to give your first as much one on one time as possible. It will get better with time!
My kids are 20 months apart, now 3 and 1.5 and absolutely adore each other. You will get there, too! Adding a new baby can be tough no matter what the age of the first child. Just continue to give your first as much one on one time as possible. It will get better with time!
Amaze0707
03/29/2016 02:15
Subject: Re:Toddler having rough time adjusting to baby
It’s natural that your toddler feels a bit put out after the arrival of your new baby. You did a good job asking him to help with the baby. Keep affirming him for his “grown-up” capabilities and point out some of the advantages of being older. You might say something like, “You are such a big boy now! You can go and play your toys. The baby is too little to do that.” As you’re aware, your older child needs to be reassured that he’s special and unique. So let him know that you love him and praise him generously when he’s helpful or kind toward the baby. Hang in there – things will get better soon.
Anonymous
03/29/2016 00:49
Subject: Re:Toddler having rough time adjusting to baby
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is why you don't have a baby while the older one is still a baby.
This.
+1
Oh please. NP here. With a 3 year old and a 3 week old and it's bad even with this age difference. I have to watch them like a hawk or the baby might get seriously hurt by the jealous toddler. Leave OP alone.
Anonymous
03/29/2016 00:23
Subject: Toddler having rough time adjusting to baby
Poor older baby didn't get to be a baby for long. As long as he is concerned, he has been replaced by a newer version.
Anonymous
03/29/2016 00:21
Subject: Re:Toddler having rough time adjusting to baby
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is why you don't have a baby while the older one is still a baby.
This.
+1