Your husband lost his job because he failed to do the required paperwork. That’s like failing to brush his teeth. The paperwork is also his work product, it’s how he proves to the church that he’s worth the money they are paying him. He knew your oldest child has special needs and is doing well here. He also knew you just bought a house, and are pregnant. I say he royally screwed the family. Life throws enough curves at everybody that you don’t need to bring trouble into your home…. Which is exactly what your husband did. At this point, he doesn’t deserve special treatment. If the church had down-sized, then he would get what he’s asking for from you, but not now, not when he is directly responsible for the job loss. The cynic in me says he did this on purpose because now he no longer has a job, and can be taken care of in a way he couldn’t have been before. The focus can now be on him instead of on anything else. I’d make sure he knows this and that he takes steps to correct it for future employment. I’d also seek out any support you need. Don’t trash him, but also don’t hesitate to obtain support from wherever and whomever you need. Know that your older child will be fine, though if you move, it may take him longer to integrate into the new group. You and your husband need to be aware of this, so that your husband can learn better work strategies in the future.

Anonymous wrote:Are you in s religion or a cult? You won't be able to attend services?

Anonymous wrote:11:19 - unfortunately the ministry in this denomination only hires in January, with positions beginning in August. There are no options for him at this point. While there are a few other churches in this area within the denomination, none of them would be appropriate.

to both 11:19 and 11:27 His getting fired I think was just a clash of personalities and expectations. Mostly he's not as responsive and not great with admin stuff. Nothing fishy about it - people get fired all the time. It's not going to be good for him in terms of the next job - he'll have explaining to do and he'll need to work on those skills - but it's not like he got fired for messing around with a parishioner or anything. Nothing that would damage his career as a whole. BUT you can't continue to attend a church if you cease to be a minister - at least not in this denomination. School rules or whatever... and we wouldn't want to. Too awkward.

It would be pretty awkward for them to continue going to the church where he was fired. It isn't like they were banned from attending, but why go if everyone knows what happened.

Are you in s religion or a cult? You won't be able to attend services?

Anonymous wrote:11:19 - unfortunately the ministry in this denomination only hires in January, with positions beginning in August. There are no options for him at this point. While there are a few other churches in this area within the denomination, none of them would be appropriate.

to both 11:19 and 11:27 His getting fired I think was just a clash of personalities and expectations. Mostly he's not as responsive and not great with admin stuff. Nothing fishy about it - people get fired all the time. It's not going to be good for him in terms of the next job - he'll have explaining to do and he'll need to work on those skills - but it's not like he got fired for messing around with a parishioner or anything. Nothing that would damage his career as a whole. BUT you can't continue to attend a church if you cease to be a minister - at least not in this denomination. School rules or whatever... and we wouldn't want to. Too awkward.

Tell him to get a real job. Who still goes to church these days anyways?

Just another job search piece of advice... there are a ton of colleges in the area--some of them might have a need for a religious figure--particularly if he's open to serving a wide array of religious needs, i.e. serving as a non-denominational spiritual person.

I disagree with the person who told you to focus first on the money and not to be attached to the school. If you had kids without specific challenges whose needs could be met in a number of settings, that's fine. But if that's not the case and you finally found a place for your little monkey to blossom, then it's worth trying to stay here and make things work. Good luck!

I can't believe you can no longer attend the church once he isn't the minister. This is the shit that bugs me about churches and why I find it so hard to actively attend one. That's just bullshit.

OP, I am so sorry to hear what you and your DH are going through. We experienced something similar. My DH lost his job when I was expecting our first child. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but this IS going to work out.

One thing I said to my husband was, I know we did not plan it this way, but let's focus on the positive - we can use this time to prepare for the baby arriving, you will be home to bond during the newborn phase.

So, for you -- You are going to need support for sure with the birth of your third child (congratulations!) and your DH will be home - this is a silver lining. It will be a special time for family bonding that you otherwise would not have had in quite the same way. You're also in a new house. He can work on projects you wanted done to get the house all moved in and in tip-top shape.

As for finding a new job, I don't think you should assume you have to move. Since you all are happy here, especially your eldest son, I would encourage you to explore options in the area so that you can stay put. Has your DH ever considered pastoral counseling? Sounds like he is a people person who doesn't like administration. Maybe a one-on-one role would be better for him. He might need another degree or certification, but could it be done online? What about jobs with non-profits that aren't necessarily the same role as a pastor but that would greatly utilize his skills? Would he be open to considering something different than what he has been doing? And in the time he is looking for work, I would say volunteer, volunteer, volunteer. You never know when it might open a door to employment and it is also good for staving off the bad feelings that unfortunately will creep up about unemployment.

One last thing - don't forget to take care of yourself. You are doing everything you can to support your family, which is wonderful, but cut yourself some slack too. We are rooting for you! All the best to you.

Anonymous wrote:"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

I know a minister who is an officer in the Army. Would DH be interested/suitable for a military career? From what I hear, it's not a bad gig at all.

Military chaplains move around a lot to various bases (even those in other countries and in remote locations) just like all other military personnel. They also deploy, including to combat zones.

It's also pretty competitive. Not only do candidates have to meet all the requirements of their particular religion/denomination, but they also must meet all the requirements of other military officers (physical fitness standards, citizenship, age, etc.)

If you can squeeze by on your income, you can WOH full-time, and DH can SAH. At least temporarily.

"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

I know a minister who is an officer in the Army. Would DH be interested/suitable for a military career? From what I hear, it's not a bad gig at all.

Anonymous wrote:He's not good with admin stuff, not the admin staff. Maybe he's not good with admin stuff because he's good with people.

Maybe. But smaller Churches need leaders who are good with both people and admin stuff.

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry for your situation. It's got to be a lot of pressure. Does he qualify for unemployment benefits? That might help bridge you.

I'm a woman breadwinner in my household and it's stressful.

Maybe there's work in another field that would value your husband's background? I work at a hospital and there are full time positions for clergy and a position for ethics coordinator.

NP here and I had the same thought - hospital work or health care facility that has a chapel. Or maybe some kind of counseling or ethicist position.

He's not good with admin stuff, not the admin staff. Maybe he's not good with admin stuff because he's good with people.