Another for putting DS in daycare full time. My MIL used to watch DD full time and still watches her a lot, and if she ever acted this way or said anything like that to DH or me, that would be the end of most one-on-one time other than visits. Which would involve mil moving out of our house.

I don't think this has anything to do with the amount of time she spends with him, given that the sister who is not a caregiver has the same opinion.

I think they are commenting on your actions with your son. Are you lax with him to make up for the time you spend away from him? Are you letting him get away with behaviors others would not? Are you a pushover letting a toddler "be the parent." I think that's what they are witnessing and commenting on.

When you ask your mother to babysit your child , you put her in a position to judge your parenting. That's the price you pay for the service.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A - stop seeking her approval, you said yourself you're never going to get it. Also, trying to get approval from your parents not a good reason to do ANYTHING when you're an adult.

B - put your son in daycare. Sure, he enjoys spending time with your mom but in the long run it will be better for him to have a mom that is not constantly being undermined by his grandmother/part-time caregiver.

+1,000,000

I agree with the above, but it also seems you are struggling with parenting your son some of the language you used points to that and because of this you are extra sensitive to your mom and sisters criticism.

Follow the advice above, but also take this opportunity to work towards being the parent you want to be. You can find good sleep advice on the general parenting board and also advice on how to set firmer boundaries with your kids if these are things you would like to work on.

Don't do it for your mom or sister do it for you and your son i you want to make a change. Good luck and I'm sorry your family is difficult.

+1 and will add: my mother did this. Other family members enabled it by telling me to let it slide -- right in front of her.

I didn't put a stop to it fast enough and eventually she undermined my parenting so much I had to cut her off. Examples: got my child an iPad behind my back, did hours of screen time and inappropriate apps, then made a scene in front of my kid when she learned I'd found it and set it aside for occasional special treat time only. She actually went into my home without my permission to find it, remove the parental controls, and hide it for my kid so she could sneak iPad time. That's just one example.

Wow! That is really out if line. And the opposite of what I'd expect of a grandparent: I feel as though most of the older people I know are anti-screen time, but you had to deal with the grandparent making screen time possible.

Anonymous wrote:Too much togetherness. What did you expect? And people aren't perfect. People blurt out stupid things. The specifics of who said what is not very important. You've chosen to be closely intertwined and rely on someone - someone whom you can't be a boss to, or fire, or end the relationship. This comes at steep (emotional) price.

OP here - this is very, very true. I am balancing this advice with advice to get my son in day care full time. I think for now I will place more boundaries and now tell her every little detail about my son when she asks, while also accepting that she isn't perfect and will say stupid things from time to time, as we all do. If it gets worse or doesn't improve at all, I will definitely consider putting him in day care full time. We are planning to do this when he turns 3 anyway, once its more of a pre-school than day care.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A - stop seeking her approval, you said yourself you're never going to get it. Also, trying to get approval from your parents not a good reason to do ANYTHING when you're an adult.

B - put your son in daycare. Sure, he enjoys spending time with your mom but in the long run it will be better for him to have a mom that is not constantly being undermined by his grandmother/part-time caregiver.

+1,000,000

Make that plus one million and one. Your son is two. He'll adapt and he won't remember the shift anyway at this age.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A - stop seeking her approval, you said yourself you're never going to get it. Also, trying to get approval from your parents not a good reason to do ANYTHING when you're an adult.

B - put your son in daycare. Sure, he enjoys spending time with your mom but in the long run it will be better for him to have a mom that is not constantly being undermined by his grandmother/part-time caregiver.

+1,000,000

This right here. Your mother's attitude towards you is horrible.

+1 and will add: my mother did this. Other family members enabled it by telling me to let it slide -- right in front of her.

I didn't put a stop to it fast enough and eventually she undermined my parenting so much I had to cut her off. Examples: got my child an iPad behind my back, did hours of screen time and inappropriate apps, then made a scene in front of my kid when she learned I'd found it and set it aside for occasional special treat time only. She actually went into my home without my permission to find it, remove the parental controls, and hide it for my kid so she could sneak iPad time. That's just one example.

We're done. I regret not taking a hard line on day one.