I would be pissed and have a conversation with them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am Catholic - my in laws are Methodist.

We are raising my daughter catholic.

Then a) It wasn't communion according to the teachings of your church, it was a snack of bread and grape juice.

b) Either they knew enough about Catholic teaching to know that what they were doing was obnoxious, or they didn't have a clue.

What is their knowledge of Catholicism? Have they been disrespectful of your religion in other ways?

Not disrespectful, but...they are not fans. They know that we've been planning for her first communion.

I would express my displeasure. They had to know this was not acceptable.
(I'm not Catholic, but my mother is. We all have to be respectful of others' beliefs.)

And you don't see that your Catholic mother influences the 'had to know' bit here?

I grew up in a lightly-practicing protestant family in New England. My best friend in College and my SIL are Catholic. Until those weddings I had no idea about the prohibition on non Catholics taking communion during Catholic mass since I had never been to one before and my understanding of the Catholic/Protestant schism (to the extent I thought about it at all) focused more on papal authority then other doctrinal differences. Even after I knew I wasn't supposed to take it, I didn't know about the crossing of the arms bit - I was my friend's Maid of Honor and there were definitely some awkward moments for me during the mass trying to figure out what the heck I was supposed to be doing. I also didn't know any protestants took Communion at the front of the Church until I went with my (Methodist) husband for the first time in my twenties. Which was during my 'not taking Communion' phase and was how I realized that it is a LOT more awkward to skip communion in a congregation that goes to the front of the church vs one that stays seated.

All of which is to say it is entirely possible the ILs actually *don't* know this wasn't acceptable, or simply didn't think about it / realize in the moment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I completely understand why you are upset. One thing to consider in how to proceed is how your daughter is reacting. Yes, it's important to explain the difference between what you believe and what the grandparents believe, but you don't want her to get the feeling she did something wrong. (You really don't want this to be something that she internalizes.)

She'll find out eventually that she and her grandparents did something wrong. The importance of communion is taught in catechism.

They didn't do anything wrong. It doesn't mean the same thing in their church that it does in the Catholic church. It's a symbol to them, not a sacrament. Symbolically, they recognized that the child shares a common baptism with members of their Church. That's all.

Anonymous wrote:I would focus more on the fact that Catholics only take communion in Catholic churches, and just ask that she not do it in the future. If they're in a congregation where people approach the altar, maybe have her practice crossing her hands on her chest. If they're in a congregation where the communion is passed from the aisle, then have her simply pass it on, or say "No Thank You."

This isn't exactly true. Catholics can take communion in any church that allows it, but it doesn't count as a sacrament. There's no prohibition against it at all.

Catholics only allow Catholics and maybe Greek Orthodox and Episcopalians may receive communion during a Catholic mass. It's because Catholics believe that during mass the bread and wine become the actual body and body of Christ.

OP, you are in a multi-denominational family. You are going to have suck it up a little bit. I would gently explain to my in-laws that it wasn't cool. I would explain to my daughter that it wasn't her real First Communion, just a practice one. Make a big deal about her real First Communion. (Which shouldn't be hard. I still remember my fluffy white dress.)

Anonymous wrote:I grew up presbyterian and Methodist.

Communion is not a big deal in those churches. Little kids "take communion"just by reaching up and grabbing a crackers as the tray passes over them.

Chill. They were not trying to indoctrinate her into your religion. They just let her take her cracker like every other kid in the church is allowed to do.

+1. OP, think about this as the First Methodist Cracker, not the First Communion...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter spend the day with my in-laws last Sunday. I found out they:

1. Took her to their church
2. Had her take communion.

I'm really bothered by this. IF and when we decided for my daughter to have her first communion - Shouldnt that be something for us to do as a family?

Your in-laws probably know nothing about transubstantiation. You should teach them, so they will know that their stale bread and grape juice had no effect on your daughter They've just wasted everyone's time.

Yes, that will work well. Disrespect their belief because they disrespected yours. Intentionally or not. That would be a good, mature way to handle it.

OP, tell your inlaws that your daughter is not to participate in communion at their church again. Explain that to your daughter as well.

Invite them to her first communion so they can be a part of it, and maybe gain some understanding of your beliefs, and what you want your daughter to learn.

and good luck doing that without causing hard feelings.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I completely understand why you are upset. One thing to consider in how to proceed is how your daughter is reacting. Yes, it's important to explain the difference between what you believe and what the grandparents believe, but you don't want her to get the feeling she did something wrong. (You really don't want this to be something that she internalizes.)

She'll find out eventually that she and her grandparents did something wrong. The importance of communion is taught in catechism.

OP, I completely understand why you are upset. One thing to consider in how to proceed is how your daughter is reacting. Yes, it's important to explain the difference between what you believe and what the grandparents believe, but you don't want her to get the feeling she did something wrong. (You really don't want this to be something that she internalizes.)

I grew up presbyterian and Methodist.

Communion is not a big deal in those churches. Little kids "take communion"just by reaching up and grabbing a crackers as the tray passes over them.

Chill. They were not trying to indoctrinate her into your religion. They just let her take her cracker like every other kid in the church is allowed to do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter spend the day with my in-laws last Sunday. I found out they:

1. Took her to their church
2. Had her take communion.

I'm really bothered by this. IF and when we decided for my daughter to have her first communion - Shouldnt that be something for us to do as a family?

Your in-laws probably know nothing about transubstantiation. You should teach them, so they will know that their stale bread and grape juice had no effect on your daughter They've just wasted everyone's time.

Yes, that will work well. Disrespect their belief because they disrespected yours. Intentionally or not. That would be a good, mature way to handle it.

OP, tell your inlaws that your daughter is not to participate in communion at their church again. Explain that to your daughter as well.

Invite them to her first communion so they can be a part of it, and maybe gain some understanding of your beliefs, and what you want your daughter to learn.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be very upset if I were Catholic. I am sure it was accidental.

I am extremely annoyed. The first communion is special, it means something. Even if it "didn't count"

I'm Catholic and we are raising our kids Catholic and this isn't something that would bother me. As far as catholic teachings go it doesn't count, and I think it is important to learn about all religions.

+1

Anonymous wrote:My daughter spend the day with my in-laws last Sunday. I found out they:

1. Took her to their church
2. Had her take communion.

I'm really bothered by this. IF and when we decided for my daughter to have her first communion - Shouldnt that be something for us to do as a family?

Your in-laws probably know nothing about transubstantiation. You should teach them, so they will know that their stale bread and grape juice had no effect on your daughter They've just wasted everyone's time.

Anonymous wrote:It could be worse OP.

My sister's MIL took her Catholic daughter to a baptist revival and had her "saved" to the point of renouncing Catholicism.

My niece was young elementary (maybe seven?).

My (Catholic) parents were quite surprised when a Mormon baptismal certificate (or something along those lines--I was away at college and heard about it after the fact) arrived for my teenage brother in the mail. He had just gone along with some girl he liked. My uncle the priest had a nice long talk with him after that. My brother is still not much of an independent thinker.

It could be worse OP.

My sister's MIL took her Catholic daughter to a baptist revival and had her "saved" to the point of renouncing Catholicism.

My niece was young elementary (maybe seven?).

I would focus more on the fact that Catholics only take communion in Catholic churches, and just ask that she not do it in the future. If they're in a congregation where people approach the altar, maybe have her practice crossing her hands on her chest. If they're in a congregation where the communion is passed from the aisle, then have her simply pass it on, or say "No Thank You."