Anonymous wrote:No one is saying a lot of 11-year-olds are sexually active. The PP's point was that you want to give girls the HPV vaccine BEFORE they become sexually active, and 11 seems like a pretty safe age for most of us!

Also, OP, I think it's telling that you posted this in "Older Kids" instead of "Tweens and Teens." It kind of sucks, but you have to talk about these topics earlier now because of the internet.

10 is an older kid, not a teenager.

No one is saying a lot of 11-year-olds are sexually active. The PP's point was that you want to give girls the HPV vaccine BEFORE they become sexually active, and 11 seems like a pretty safe age for most of us!

Also, OP, I think it's telling that you posted this in "Older Kids" instead of "Tweens and Teens." It kind of sucks, but you have to talk about these topics earlier now because of the internet.

Anonymous wrote:You definitely left it late to start. And what is all this about the stork? Please actually parent your child and talk normally about bodies, changes, mechanics of sex, desire, feelings. There is no shame in relying heavily on books, but there is definite shame in avoiding the realities. Here, I am shaming you. On purpose. DD has probably heard about sex from her peers and now you have to undo whatever misconceptions she has. Plus, you have already imbued it with something sordid, or something to be avoided.

Do not trust the parenting advice from someone who shames other mothers. This person clearly has no morals or good sense of judgement.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 9 yo SD was found to have been googling in appropriate things for months (started with boobs and progressed) on tablets their mom had purchased. When her dad found out, the last thing that she had googled was 'Anna and Elsa naked' -- good lord almighty that shit was terrifying! Her mom has since put on parental controls but I can't see how a kid can get some of those images out of her head.

Ohhhh wow.


OP, whatever you do don't embarrass her. Don't yell or chastise. At that age, they're curious and embarrassed.Gently talk to her about it in a calm voice

Well - that about covers it! I thought including the snowman was unnecessary..

I'm pretty sure the middle school kids or 5th graders have all seen this. Probably everyone talks about googling 'Anna and Elsa naked' and then they do...
Sex mechanics talk unnecessary...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 9 yo SD was found to have been googling in appropriate things for months (started with boobs and progressed) on tablets their mom had purchased. When her dad found out, the last thing that she had googled was 'Anna and Elsa naked' -- good lord almighty that shit was terrifying! Her mom has since put on parental controls but I can't see how a kid can get some of those images out of her head.

Ohhhh wow.


OP, whatever you do don't embarrass her. Don't yell or chastise. At that age, they're curious and embarrassed.Gently talk to her about it in a calm voice

Well - that about covers it! I thought including the snowman was unnecessary..

Anonymous wrote:You definitely left it late to start. And what is all this about the stork? Please actually parent your child and talk normally about bodies, changes, mechanics of sex, desire, feelings. There is no shame in relying heavily on books, but there is definite shame in avoiding the realities. Here, I am shaming you. On purpose. DD has probably heard about sex from her peers and now you have to undo whatever misconceptions she has. Plus, you have already imbued it with something sordid, or something to be avoided.

That's ridiculous - you should not be shaming people because not everyone shares your opinions.
I remember my parents trying to chat about that kind of stuff with me at that age and I could not have been more repulsed. I kept leaving when they were talking about that stuff and they kept trying and it was awful. Thanks but if rather not talk about sex with my parents - ever!
It was not a pleasant childhood memory.

We never had that talk with our teen DD either. We talk about some specific topics at times like in car rides in little snippets and she still would like to flee.
Most of what we talk about are things supportive of a healthy sex life and emotional life, birth control, not being pressured to say yes to stuff but instead to have a real relationship, how it's okay to be gay, etc.
She would murder me if I spoke about the mechanics of sex. It's a personal thing.
And yes she knows what it is.
Is porn really a bad way to learn? I assume that's why they look it up - because they are curious and they don't want to talk with parents about it (again - yuck!!! Parents do not have sex. Oh wait - it happened 3 times but that's it and I don't want to know /think about it).

I don't know - the porn I've seen is stuff that I, as a woman, would want to do. Maybe I'm missing something?
I've only seen some free stuff I guess.

The topic of sex should be a series of small, truthful conversations over the course of several years. You shouldn't hit them with everything at age 5 or 6. If they ask, you should tell them the facts. But this is a topic that should evolve with the kid's maturity level.

Anonymous wrote:My 9 yo SD was found to have been googling in appropriate things for months (started with boobs and progressed) on tablets their mom had purchased. When her dad found out, the last thing that she had googled was 'Anna and Elsa naked' -- good lord almighty that shit was terrifying! Her mom has since put on parental controls but I can't see how a kid can get some of those images out of her head.

Ohhhh wow.


OP, whatever you do don't embarrass her. Don't yell or chastise. At that age, they're curious and embarrassed.Gently talk to her about it in a calm voice

My 9 yo SD was found to have been googling in appropriate things for months (started with boobs and progressed) on tablets their mom had purchased. When her dad found out, the last thing that she had googled was 'Anna and Elsa naked' -- good lord almighty that shit was terrifying! Her mom has since put on parental controls but I can't see how a kid can get some of those images out of her head.

I told my son when he was in first grade about sex because he came home with some inaccurate information from a classmate. I am surprised that the OP's 10 yr old doesn't know how sex works.

What kind of community are you raising your kids in, where they are sexually active at age 11? Most have not even hit puberty yet. We are part of a community with strong family values and I guarantee you the kids are not sexually active at that age. They need to know some things, certainly, but not everything before age 10.

When my cousin and I were ten I told her you have to have sex to have a baby. She sobbed her eyes out because she didn't know her parents ever had sex. She knew a baby is sperm and egg joined but I guess there was still a lot of room for cognitive dissonance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From OP - I have had conversations about how babies do not come from storks but we haven't gotten into the mechanics of sex. I can't believe that 10 is too old to have waited to have a conversation like that. What did you tell your little girls about the mechanics of sex? How old were they??

How can you explain to a kid where babies come from if you don't explain the mechanics? Name the parts, what goes where. She's obviously curious.

I've been having multiple conversations over the years from when my kid first asked around age 5 or 6.

5 or 6 is too young to talk about the mechanics of sex.

Eh. Kids on the playground were talking about it in first grade. I mean, they were wrong on some specifics, but they definitely knew penis goes in vagina.

OP: you need to get your head out of the sand and open the lines of communication! She needs some guidance on the mechanics of sex, puberty, and even some reassurance perhaps that masturbation is normal and healthy as she may already be doing this with or without the influence of porn. As for the latter, it is hard to explain why porn exists and if/how it demeans women. She needs to know it's for adults only and what she has seen is not a depiction of real relationships.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From OP - I have had conversations about how babies do not come from storks but we haven't gotten into the mechanics of sex. I can't believe that 10 is too old to have waited to have a conversation like that. What did you tell your little girls about the mechanics of sex? How old were they??

How can you explain to a kid where babies come from if you don't explain the mechanics? Name the parts, what goes where. She's obviously curious.

I've been having multiple conversations over the years from when my kid first asked around age 5 or 6.

5 or 6 is too young to talk about the mechanics of sex.