Anonymous
03/23/2016 01:12
Subject: Do you trust your mom or MIL to watch your infant if you opt for WOHM?
Anonymous wrote:My parents have watched my 11mo since he was almost 3mo. My mom is an amazing caregiver (in general), and she used to babysit kids when we were in grade school. My dad is retired and loves having grandkids over. My dad, who rarely interacted with us as children, is really into taking care of my son. It's adorable! In my dad's case, I think it's been good to have my son there because otherwise my dad would just watch TV all day and argue with my momI had some reservations regarding TV/screen time and over-spoiling, but they've been really respectful of my parenting style.
My MIL visits for 2-3 weeks at a time and will watch DS in our home fulltime when she visits. MIL is older and I always feel bad having her watch him, but she really prefers it - gives her more time to bond. That said, I prefer having my mom watch him because she's younger and healthier.
In your situation, I'd go with MIL. But make sure DH is heavily involved in decisions and communication. And this will only work if you aren't too stuck on your parenting style.
I don't compensate my parents in a fixed way, but plan to pay for vacations or large home renovations - they wouldn't accept payment for watching their grandson. We come from a culture of taking care of generations, so we fully expect to take care of our parents/ILs when needed.
+1 I understand this mentality so well.
Anonymous
03/22/2016 17:04
Subject: Do you trust your mom or MIL to watch your infant if you opt for WOHM?
It's not an issue of "trust," as much as an issue of reality.
Barring some truly exceptional circumstances, it's pretty damn selfish to expect retired relatives to care for your kids full time. The poster who said her mother moved out of state and rarely sees her own husband so she can take care of the grandchildren--she ought to be ashamed of herself.
Barring some truly exceptional circumstances, it's pretty damn selfish to expect retired relatives to care for your kids full time. The poster who said her mother moved out of state and rarely sees her own husband so she can take care of the grandchildren--she ought to be ashamed of herself.
Anonymous
03/22/2016 15:53
Subject: Do you trust your mom or MIL to watch your infant if you opt for WOHM?
NO.
Anonymous
03/22/2016 15:25
Subject: Do you trust your mom or MIL to watch your infant if you opt for WOHM?
I appreciate your dilemma. However, stop and think for a moment about probable situations: who is the safer caregiver? Can you trust this person to follow your childcare wishes (not every day is special grandma day where rules don't apply)? What happens when you're have a disagreement or there is a problem? How will it be resolved? Will feelings be too hurt or can you two approach it like a work discussion? I'm worried you're hinging your entire move on this one person. Good luck making a decision.
Anonymous
03/22/2016 13:56
Subject: Re:Do you trust your mom or MIL to watch your infant if you opt for WOHM?
My mom in a heart beat, my MIL wouldn't have the patience so much but she probably has the stamina at 68 still even. My mom is 60 so I think that helps and she's just one of those moms with a capital M, the kind that is very maternal, says that the best years of one's life are when they are raising their kids, that kind of stuff. Better than me probably!
Anonymous
03/22/2016 13:43
Subject: Do you trust your mom or MIL to watch your infant if you opt for WOHM?
Go with your MIL. Mine took care of my DC for the first year after I went back to work at 10 weeks pp. She was basically a secretary most of her life and comes from another culture. I was leery and wanted her to take a first aid/baby-care refresher type course, which at first she resisted then decided she wanted but ultimately didn't go (DH handled all that discussion). It was rough at first but ultimately has worked out great. And she lives with us, to boot. She annoys me sometimes, but I don't know what I'd do without her.
My parents, on the other hand....my mom's been a family doctor for 40 years, and while I wouldn't say I wouldn't TRUST her with my kid, I also would never ever rely on her for childcare for more than a few hours. My dad, maybe 2 hours max. I think they'd keep DC from, say, falling down a manhole, but probably not from destroying the kitchen and/or living room, or eating some of their spicy chili "because DC wanted some."
You know your parents. You know your MIL. You know who you can count on and trust with your baby. Go with that one.
My parents, on the other hand....my mom's been a family doctor for 40 years, and while I wouldn't say I wouldn't TRUST her with my kid, I also would never ever rely on her for childcare for more than a few hours. My dad, maybe 2 hours max. I think they'd keep DC from, say, falling down a manhole, but probably not from destroying the kitchen and/or living room, or eating some of their spicy chili "because DC wanted some."
You know your parents. You know your MIL. You know who you can count on and trust with your baby. Go with that one.
Anonymous
03/22/2016 13:30
Subject: Do you trust your mom or MIL to watch your infant if you opt for WOHM?
I'd pick the side of the family you'd rather live near due to geography, career, weather, family values and roles, etc... not which side you'd rather have raise them. You can hire a nanny without getting into the family battles around childcare.
Anonymous
03/22/2016 10:18
Subject: Do you trust your mom or MIL to watch your infant if you opt for WOHM?
My parents have watched my 11mo since he was almost 3mo. My mom is an amazing caregiver (in general), and she used to babysit kids when we were in grade school. My dad is retired and loves having grandkids over. My dad, who rarely interacted with us as children, is really into taking care of my son. It's adorable! In my dad's case, I think it's been good to have my son there because otherwise my dad would just watch TV all day and argue with my mom I had some reservations regarding TV/screen time and over-spoiling, but they've been really respectful of my parenting style.
My MIL visits for 2-3 weeks at a time and will watch DS in our home fulltime when she visits. MIL is older and I always feel bad having her watch him, but she really prefers it - gives her more time to bond. That said, I prefer having my mom watch him because she's younger and healthier.
In your situation, I'd go with MIL. But make sure DH is heavily involved in decisions and communication. And this will only work if you aren't too stuck on your parenting style.
I don't compensate my parents in a fixed way, but plan to pay for vacations or large home renovations - they wouldn't accept payment for watching their grandson. We come from a culture of taking care of generations, so we fully expect to take care of our parents/ILs when needed.
I had some reservations regarding TV/screen time and over-spoiling, but they've been really respectful of my parenting style.
My MIL visits for 2-3 weeks at a time and will watch DS in our home fulltime when she visits. MIL is older and I always feel bad having her watch him, but she really prefers it - gives her more time to bond. That said, I prefer having my mom watch him because she's younger and healthier.
In your situation, I'd go with MIL. But make sure DH is heavily involved in decisions and communication. And this will only work if you aren't too stuck on your parenting style.
I don't compensate my parents in a fixed way, but plan to pay for vacations or large home renovations - they wouldn't accept payment for watching their grandson. We come from a culture of taking care of generations, so we fully expect to take care of our parents/ILs when needed.
Anonymous
03/22/2016 10:16
Subject: Do you trust your mom or MIL to watch your infant if you opt for WOHM?
I trust both my mother and my MIL to watch my child. However I wouldn't ask either of them to do full time care. Having one on backup for random daycare closures, illnesses etc is priceless though! My mom is close enough that she can watch my DD for those random snow days we have that aren't really snowy. That's incredibly valuable.