Anonymous
Post 03/19/2016 15:48     Subject: Re:MIL Rant...sorry in advance
OP here. Thanks to all, including the requisite trolls (who were so snarky I have to assume they were just being satirical). This experience (posting an anonymous rant on a forum) was weirdly gratifying. We've recently moved and it's been difficult making time to see friends, have a coffee, and blow off the traditional steam. So things have been building up. In a weird way, I got something similar to what I get from sitting on the porch with a pal drinking coffee: camaraderie. I didn't expect that, so thank you all...
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2016 15:12     Subject: MIL Rant...sorry in advance
Maybe she's jealous because you have a husband who pulls his weight and she didn't have that when she was raising children.
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2016 15:10     Subject: MIL Rant...sorry in advance
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If I have to hear another "gentle" joke about my expectations that my husband contribute to housework I am going to lose it. Husband works 9-5 at a three-letter agency. So that obviously exempts him from housework. Meanwhile, I am working on my PhD, have a consulting business that I run from home, have 2 children under 5 and no nanny or childcare help, and see patients in a private psychotherapy practice 10 hours a week in my clinic. My MIL is routinely passively-aggressively complimenting him in front of me on making time to empty the dishwasher after he spent the whole day at work. She *kiddingly* reminds me that "expecting the breadwinner to come home and clean" was unheard of in her day.

I've gently responded too many times to count that we are equals (I make as much money but even if I didnt/were a fulltime SAHM the expectations that we all carry our weight would be the same).

It only happens 2x per year for annual visits but I am fresh in the middle of it and need to scream about it here so I dont scream about it in my dining room.

</rant>
You counsel people and yet you ate so fragile as to get worked up someone of another generation having a different take on life to the point you feel like screaming? Perhaps you are ill suited for your chosen profession.


Hi, OP's MIL!


Hahah! Exactly. Careful, MIL is lurking!
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2016 13:35     Subject: Re:MIL Rant...sorry in advance
I wouldn't tell her you bring in half of your HHI, though I understand the temptation to do so and I'm sure it would be very gratifying to watch the news sink in on her. I think you'd regret it in the end because you'd be sharing personal financial info, but then I'm very private about that sort of thing (I also earn more than my DH). Sounds like you have a very annoying MIL, OP. Hang in there, congrats on managing so much, and good luck with the PhD.
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2016 13:35     Subject: Re:MIL Rant...sorry in advance
Anonymous wrote:Tell her that, thank God, we're no longer back in her day.


Or DH! He's the one who needs to speak up.

But this is a classic generational difference. Even my relatively progressive mother used to tell me how lucky I was to have a husband who cooked, etc, which exasperated the heck out of me. As if it was exceptional for him to do what was expected of me.
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2016 13:10     Subject: MIL Rant...sorry in advance
My MIL has compared my (lazy) DH favorably to her deceased husband before. Apparently DH's father literally never did a single task around the house and even though MIL worked more hours than he did once the kids were preschool age, she did everything. So it does rankle when she talks so admiringly about my DH going grocery shopping once a week (while I am the default parent by far). But I chalk it up more to what a jerk my DH's dad was and feel sorry for her. I don't think I could take direct criticism suggesting that I should do specific tasks instead of my DH. I would probably lose it on her.
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2016 13:04     Subject: MIL Rant...sorry in advance
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If I have to hear another "gentle" joke about my expectations that my husband contribute to housework I am going to lose it. Husband works 9-5 at a three-letter agency. So that obviously exempts him from housework. Meanwhile, I am working on my PhD, have a consulting business that I run from home, have 2 children under 5 and no nanny or childcare help, and see patients in a private psychotherapy practice 10 hours a week in my clinic. My MIL is routinely passively-aggressively complimenting him in front of me on making time to empty the dishwasher after he spent the whole day at work. She *kiddingly* reminds me that "expecting the breadwinner to come home and clean" was unheard of in her day.

I've gently responded too many times to count that we are equals (I make as much money but even if I didnt/were a fulltime SAHM the expectations that we all carry our weight would be the same).

It only happens 2x per year for annual visits but I am fresh in the middle of it and need to scream about it here so I dont scream about it in my dining room.

</rant>
You counsel people and yet you ate so fragile as to get worked up someone of another generation having a different take on life to the point you feel like screaming? Perhaps you are ill suited for your chosen profession.


Hi, OP's MIL!
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2016 13:03     Subject: MIL Rant...sorry in advance
Anonymous wrote:If I have to hear another "gentle" joke about my expectations that my husband contribute to housework I am going to lose it. Husband works 9-5 at a three-letter agency. So that obviously exempts him from housework. Meanwhile, I am working on my PhD, have a consulting business that I run from home, have 2 children under 5 and no nanny or childcare help, and see patients in a private psychotherapy practice 10 hours a week in my clinic. My MIL is routinely passively-aggressively complimenting him in front of me on making time to empty the dishwasher after he spent the whole day at work. She *kiddingly* reminds me that "expecting the breadwinner to come home and clean" was unheard of in her day.

I've gently responded too many times to count that we are equals (I make as much money but even if I didnt/were a fulltime SAHM the expectations that we all carry our weight would be the same).

It only happens 2x per year for annual visits but I am fresh in the middle of it and need to scream about it here so I dont scream about it in my dining room.

</rant>
You counsel people and yet you ate so fragile as to get worked up someone of another generation having a different take on life to the point you feel like screaming? Perhaps you are ill suited for your chosen profession.
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2016 12:38     Subject: MIL Rant...sorry in advance
Ask her if, by her logic, once you get your PhD and start earning more than 50% of the HHI, that means *you* shouldn't have to help around the house and her son should do it all?

Or you could laughingly say, "Watch out, Larla, or somebody might think you are jealous that women today don't get stuck with an unfair amount of the housework." Then fake laugh.
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2016 12:32     Subject: Re:MIL Rant...sorry in advance
Anonymous wrote:I see a pattern here

The woman doing multiple jobs from morning to night
Super educated
Super Mom
Lazy husband
Nasty MIL

I have a feeling OP and the rest of the ranters are the lazy ones and married lazy men. It's easy to blame the MIL on here because no one knows the true story.

Your problem is your husband.


Nonsense.
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2016 12:31     Subject: Re:MIL Rant...sorry in advance
Anonymous wrote:"We're both the breadwinners so if we followed your advice nothing would ever be done!"



This!
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2016 12:31     Subject: Re:MIL Rant...sorry in advance
I see a pattern here

The woman doing multiple jobs from morning to night
Super educated
Super Mom
Lazy husband
Nasty MIL

I have a feeling OP and the rest of the ranters are the lazy ones and married lazy men. It's easy to blame the MIL on here because no one knows the true story.

Your problem is your husband.
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2016 12:28     Subject: Re:MIL Rant...sorry in advance
"We're both the breadwinners so if we followed your advice nothing would ever be done!"
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2016 12:25     Subject: Re:MIL Rant...sorry in advance
If she says that crap in front of your kids, that's where you have to insist that she stop the nonsense.
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2016 12:21     Subject: MIL Rant...sorry in advance
Anonymous wrote:My MIL also thinks I keep a poor house. I am a SAHM and clean/tidy daily although not as vigorously as she did when she was aSAHM. She cleans our home when she comes. This used to bug me sooooo much but now I let her. I don't care.

OP I think you handled it the right way. But it would irritate me for her to assume your husband is the bread winner when you are busting your butt!


The sooner you learn not to care the better.