I find that people who don't have beach houses sure do seem to have a lot of opinions about them. I have one, so let me chime in:
- Don't buy a house as a financial investment. Not a beach house and, in most circumstances, not any house. If, however, you have extra income (we do) and have schedules that allow you to use it frequently (we do), consider it as an investment in your life and memories. You live once. Can't take the money with you when you go. We have made amazing memories in our home.
- Don't necessarily assume the whole "a beach house with kids is a bad choice because of weekend / summary blah blah blah" is true. It may be for some. For us, we choose family time. We don't do summer swim team. My kids aren't going to the olympics anyway and they swim in the beach house neighborhood pool with their beach house friends. We go to birthday parties with close friends, but we don't feel tied to every party or activity just because we are invited. Our friends understand, our kids have friends at the beach so they don't feel like they are missing out.
- choose carefully where you buy. Be prepared for expensive insurance, maintenance, etc. at the same time, there are plenty of beach communities where the houses are perfectly protected from flooding. Think a mile from beach, but perfect biking. Think more recently built homes on pylons with hurricane proof.
- make sure you are comfortable losing money (see point 1). If our home washed away -- extremely unlikely per point above -- such is life. We haven't invested our next egg into it. We are financially comfortable if we lost it tomorrow.
-make sure it fits your vacation style. We take one big extravagant vacation elsewhere, and then spend summer at beach (month of July, most weekends, leave Thursday night come back Sunday night). We are lucky because our jobs afford us this flexibility, and we would never be traveling elsewhere these times absent the beach House. We also spend other holidays there.
- there Are some really great neighborhoods that can make it feel like your second home and not just your second house. Ours is in a great community with tons of little kids who ride their bikes in the streets, walk to the pool together, etc.

Hope this helps. Good luck.

I"m not a SAHM and my kids are older than yours, but I have a beach condo. We have built a life there and have very good friends there. So it's not lonely at all to be there. The holidays that we used to spend at our DC house, we now spend at the beach house. The holidays that we spent with family, we still spend with family. When the kids were younger, we spent most weekends at the beach house and if we had extra vacation time, we spent it at the beach. Unlike you, we never did spend much time at the beach before buying it and we still don't plan our vacations at the beach. As the kids got older and they had activities, the weekends at the beach are less, but we still spend most of our free weekends there. We don't rent it out so at the spur of the moment we can just head to the beach without even packing because we leave clothes and toiletries there. We keep tons of board games, craft supplies, bikes, tennis rackets, etc., there, which means that in some cases we have doubles of things.

We never talked about buying with people before we did it because everyone has reasons why it's a bad idea. But, our family loves it. We bought within our means both here and there. We do believe it is part of our retirement plan in that we plan to sell here and make that our home base after we stop working. Again, we don't vacation there - but we do spend the leave that we don't have other plans for at the beach because we both have use it or lose it time and who wants to lose it when you can go to the beach.

I will say that the first year of ownership is expensive when you are furnishing, painting, etc. We bought furnished and put off a lot of things, like kitchen remodel because of money. But, it was still expensive that first year.

Anyway, good luck with your decision.

The people that claim to be telecommuting full time, what do you do?

To the OP's point, you may want to look into renting a beach house for a year and see how you like it before buying one.

Anonymous wrote:Beach houses are terrible investments and a headache to manage. Don't do it.

It's a much better plan to simply rent. Add up twelve months of utilities, mortgage and property taxes. You'll need to buy furniture, dishes, cleaning products, vacuum, weed killer, television, etc. Maintenance including painting and a new AC. It isn't a good investment. If you are loaded then it doesn't matter. But if money is an object then don't do it.

Anonymous wrote:I WAH full-time.

It's perfect for me.

I can move my Office for the summer.

This is us, but we love going different places.

We rent a home for 6 weeks or so in a new area every summer---usually out West or Maine...this year Europe.

We already own an investment property/rowhouse in DC and we get rent 12 months out of the year to pay the mortgage.

I don't want to deal with the issues of a vacation home (maintenance from a far or renting it). I like going different places every summer.

When your kids are older your weekends will be filled with sports, birthday parties, and playdates. So either your kids will feel left out OR you won't be using the house that much.

Just rent by the season until they are older - you can try different beaches that way. Or do a mountain house one summer. Much more flexibility.

Beach houses are terrible investments and a headache to manage. Don't do it.

Honestly, after being married 20+ years, I would forgo buying a beach house and talk with your husband about working out a way to take a job with fewer hours and less travel for less pay to allow him to actually be a part of the family.

That kind of schedule strains a family in the short term and is likely to destroy the family in the long term.

You can't get that time back, especially with your children.

No beach house or affluence will make up for growing up with an absentee parent who always placed work before family.

If your home is paid for, I would look for ways for him to find a job with more family time.

We have a beach house and have 3 kids in late elementary. We use it for several weeks in the summer and most other summer weekends. I telecommute full time and go there for 4 day weekends with the kids. My husband can often telecommute on Fridays so sometimes he joins us for 3 days, sometimes for 2.
For us, it serves as an escape from the craziness of our lives in DC. It's a small house and not one we can entertain multiple families in. On occasion we bring very close friends who don't mind living in very close quarters with us. It's only a few houses from the beach so it truly feels like you're at the ocean when you're there.
By late elementary school the weekend birthday parties for which the whole class is invited are no more. Now my kids just go to parties for their actual, close friends and so these are only a handful of weekends per year. Two of my three kids play travel sports and so for about 10 weekends each fall/spring we're obligated to be in the DC area at least for one weekend day. However, they don't do winter sports or summer swim team so we have those seasons free. Travel teams have summers of (we purposefully chose not to do the summer tournament teams) so we're not tied to DC at that time.

That all said, I wouldn't have wanted to be at the beach all summer with kids under 5. The beach is tough with kids at that age. Mine are now all nearing double digits and they can entertain themselves. They read for hours, can walk independently to play basketball/tennis. They don't need or want me to supervise their play. We also have a great (although sometimes frenetic) social life in DC. The beach serves times with just our nuclear family where we unplug and detox.

We had a second home before we had kids and never again. Now that we have a kid, we spend most weekends away in hotels (like right now) doing his activity and would use a second home even less.

So I vote "no" but do what makes you happy.

I WAH full-time.

It's perfect for me.

I can move my Office for the summer.

Anonymous wrote:We bought a mountain houese when the kids were 5 and 7 and used it about 3 weekends a month until travel soccer took over 3 years later. Now they bring friends for occasional weekends away. It is sooo nice to have a place away from the DMV. Kids are now 14 and 16 and this house has become a state of mind for all of us. We have friends in the neighborhood and kids participated in the local ski team and swim team. It was one of the best decisions for our family. Perhaps the beach would have been better. Hope it works out for you!

Where is this? Most mountains near the dmv receive very little snow.

We bought a mountain houese when th ekids were 5 and 7 and used it about 3 weekends a month until travel soccer took over 3 years later. Now they bring friends for occasional weekends away. It is sooo nice to have a place away from the DMV. Kids are now 14 and 16 and this house has become a state of mind for all of us. We have friends in the nighborhood and kids participated inthe local ski team and swim team. It was one of the best decisions for our fa,ily. Perhaps the beach would have been better. Hope it works out for you!

Don't get a townhouse. Get a single family house. For example, you can get one for around $200,000 in Bethany in some communities that are not on the beach. I'm sure there are similar houses in other Delmarva beach communities.

I wouldn't buy oceanfront. The insurance is huge, and there are significant erosion and flooding issues. The main street in Bethany floods several times every year. And that's not even right on the beach. IMO, buy outside the flood plain.

OP,

I don't think a beach house is a cure for loneliness. Packing and driving there and back alone, nor knowing anyone out there, either, what will that accomplish?.Plus, how do you swim with two young children in the ocean?

Remember, you will have an instant community when the children start school.

Good luck figuring it out. SAHM years were lonely ... my DC started preschool at age 2 so I could consult. Instant community!