Anonymous
Post 03/15/2016 15:22     Subject: Second Wedding Etiquette
I would agree with finding some middle ground. Since you both will be footing most of the bill, you might start with a discussion about budget. Then, you can see where his priorities really are.

Since he mentioned wanted to celebrate with his buddies, maybe instead of having a big wedding/reception, some of the money could be spent on a guys weekend instead.

You could also make it his job to do most of the planning.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2016 15:08     Subject: Re:Second Wedding Etiquette
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP you sound very rational and reasonable. I can understand why you would be very uncomfortable with a big wedding and I am surprised that your fiancé is pushing it. I would tell him that you are uncomfortable since your family and friends already did the big wedding with you. I would put my foot down and say no shower, no bachelorette party, no wedding party, no fancy wedding dress., and no registry. Could you encourage him to do a courthouse or immediate family ceremony then just have a big party at the country club? How old is he?

grow up
they can have have a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugeeee wedding if they want -- this is not 1823.
Geezus Christmas


Sure they can do whatever they want but OP doesn't want it. I think she has every right to tell her DH she doesn't want to re-do all that stuff and I don't think he should be forcing her. Part of the package of marrying her is that she was married before and has every right to say no. I personally would not choose to do all this stuff again and invite the same people.


Sure they can do whatever they want but the groom wants a big wedding. I think he has every right to tell his DW that he wants to have a big wedding, and I don't think she should be forcing him not to. Part of the package of marrying him is that he hasn't been married before and has every right to say yes to a big wedding.

Right?
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2016 15:00     Subject: Re:Second Wedding Etiquette
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP you sound very rational and reasonable. I can understand why you would be very uncomfortable with a big wedding and I am surprised that your fiancé is pushing it. I would tell him that you are uncomfortable since your family and friends already did the big wedding with you. I would put my foot down and say no shower, no bachelorette party, no wedding party, no fancy wedding dress., and no registry. Could you encourage him to do a courthouse or immediate family ceremony then just have a big party at the country club? How old is he?

grow up
they can have have a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugeeee wedding if they want -- this is not 1823.
Geezus Christmas


Sure they can do whatever they want but OP doesn't want it. I think she has every right to tell her DH she doesn't want to re-do all that stuff and I don't think he should be forcing her. Part of the package of marrying her is that she was married before and has every right to say no. I personally would not choose to do all this stuff again and invite the same people.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2016 14:52     Subject: Second Wedding Etiquette
Wear a white wedding gown. Don't wear a colored dress. Id opt for a simple gown as opposed to a big puffy princess number.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2016 14:42     Subject: Second Wedding Etiquette
I eloped the second time but it is because DH and I are super low key and didn't want anything. The four DC couples I know in which it was wedding #2 for the brides, all had huge weddings and wore white. Only the uptight and/or elderly in your circle will care, OP. Do what you and your fiance want.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2016 14:10     Subject: Re:Second Wedding Etiquette
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP you sound very rational and reasonable. I can understand why you would be very uncomfortable with a big wedding and I am surprised that your fiancé is pushing it. I would tell him that you are uncomfortable since your family and friends already did the big wedding with you. I would put my foot down and say no shower, no bachelorette party, no wedding party, no fancy wedding dress., and no registry. Could you encourage him to do a courthouse or immediate family ceremony then just have a big party at the country club? How old is he?


OP's intended doesn't get to have a big wedding because OP already had a big wedding?

Would you make a similar argument if OP were a bride and OP's intended were the groom?

I mean, if OP (the bride) doesn't want a bridal shower, bachelorette party, or big wedding dress, that's one thing. But the idea here seems to be that the entire wedding is about the bride. Which is problematic -- right?


^^if OP were a first-time bride and OP's intended the second-time groom, that is.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2016 14:09     Subject: Re:Second Wedding Etiquette
Anonymous wrote:OP you sound very rational and reasonable. I can understand why you would be very uncomfortable with a big wedding and I am surprised that your fiancé is pushing it. I would tell him that you are uncomfortable since your family and friends already did the big wedding with you. I would put my foot down and say no shower, no bachelorette party, no wedding party, no fancy wedding dress., and no registry. Could you encourage him to do a courthouse or immediate family ceremony then just have a big party at the country club? How old is he?


OP's intended doesn't get to have a big wedding because OP already had a big wedding?

Would you make a similar argument if OP were a bride and OP's intended were the groom?

I mean, if OP (the bride) doesn't want a bridal shower, bachelorette party, or big wedding dress, that's one thing. But the idea here seems to be that the entire wedding is about the bride. Which is problematic -- right?
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2016 14:06     Subject: Second Wedding Etiquette
Anonymous wrote:

I'd definitely avoid the traditional white dress. Something elegant, yes, but in a pale gold or blush pink or anything not white or ivory.


Why? Wedding dresses are white -- why not a white wedding dress?
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2016 14:05     Subject: Re:Second Wedding Etiquette
Anonymous wrote:OP you sound very rational and reasonable. I can understand why you would be very uncomfortable with a big wedding and I am surprised that your fiancé is pushing it. I would tell him that you are uncomfortable since your family and friends already did the big wedding with you. I would put my foot down and say no shower, no bachelorette party, no wedding party, no fancy wedding dress., and no registry. Could you encourage him to do a courthouse or immediate family ceremony then just have a big party at the country club? How old is he?

grow up
they can have have a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugeeee wedding if they want -- this is not 1823.
Geezus Christmas
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2016 13:47     Subject: Second Wedding Etiquette
The only rule I had with 2nd wedding was that I would not wear a veil. Other than that I did whatever the hell I wanted and you should do the same.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2016 13:47     Subject: Second Wedding Etiquette
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There's nothing preventing you from throwing a big party!

Since you've already done the bride stuff, perhaps skip the engagement, shower and bachelorette parties?

Have a big wedding and party---that's fine.

Question: who's footing the bill? If DH's family is doing it, go for it! But don't ask your parents to do this again.


We are! His family did offer to pay for the wedding cake and flowers.

Another question, might be kind of silly. Do second time brides allowed to wear a traditional wedding dress?


I'd definitely avoid the traditional white dress. Something elegant, yes, but in a pale gold or blush pink or anything not white or ivory.


I wouldn't!! I think white is appropriate for all brides. If the bride wants to wear white, it's perfectly acceptable even for a 2nd wedding. A princess gown might look a little crazy, but there are lots of beautiful, elegant dresses out there.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2016 13:45     Subject: Second Wedding Etiquette
Anonymous wrote:My friend was in a similar situation (her first, his second). Ultimately they decided that anyone who judged them wasn't really someone they wanted to celebrate with anyways. And it was a blast.

+1

I feel like some of those rules are very old fashioned.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2016 13:37     Subject: Re:Second Wedding Etiquette
OP you sound very rational and reasonable. I can understand why you would be very uncomfortable with a big wedding and I am surprised that your fiancé is pushing it. I would tell him that you are uncomfortable since your family and friends already did the big wedding with you. I would put my foot down and say no shower, no bachelorette party, no wedding party, no fancy wedding dress., and no registry. Could you encourage him to do a courthouse or immediate family ceremony then just have a big party at the country club? How old is he?
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2016 13:19     Subject: Second Wedding Etiquette
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There's nothing preventing you from throwing a big party!

Since you've already done the bride stuff, perhaps skip the engagement, shower and bachelorette parties?

Have a big wedding and party---that's fine.

Question: who's footing the bill? If DH's family is doing it, go for it! But don't ask your parents to do this again.


We are! His family did offer to pay for the wedding cake and flowers.

Another question, might be kind of silly. Do second time brides allowed to wear a traditional wedding dress?


I'd definitely avoid the traditional white dress. Something elegant, yes, but in a pale gold or blush pink or anything not white or ivory.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2016 13:12     Subject: Second Wedding Etiquette
Anonymous wrote:OP here, he wants it at some country/golf club with up to 300 guests including our family and friends, plus people he works out with, coworkers, frat brothers, church members. I'm feeling overwhelmed, lol.


Let him have the wedding of his dreams - seriously, who cares if its your second. He wants to celebrate this wedding, with you. Just do it.