Anonymous wrote:You can't reassure her about an intact family. Sorry but them's the breaks. You did this. You can only assure her that you will always love her. You obviously can't assure her that you will put her or the family's needs above your own desires. Having an affair is a choice, sometimes it isn't even a bad one. But it has consequences, especially with children.

+1

This is a pretty reasonable comment, OP. Best you will get in this forum. The explicit forum is more likely to focus on solutions and not flame you. Best of luck to you.

No matter how much you feed trolls, they never get Diabetes or other obesity-related disease.

Anonymous wrote:Pretty sure this is a troll post. I remember this EXACT thread a year or two ago.

I don't know who is in more need of a life- trollina or me.

I'm thinking the same. But then some here are just plain nasty so who knows. Some people deserve their misery.

You shouldn't assure your daughter that your family will remain in tact because even you do not know what the future will hold.

Your husband is probably in shock right now, his body is numb and he probably is unable to actually FEEL anything at all.

Once the numbness wears off, then he will be in a much better place to discuss what the future holds.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^adding to above -- they're miserable. You will be too if you try to stay together.

Is it financially better for them to stay together?

Yes. But they are two of the most damaged, unhappy people I've ever met. Their five decades of dysfunction have twisted both of them beyond recognition. Sometimes it's better for marriages to end. A house is just a house.

Their staying together really damaged us kids.

My guess is OP's and her husband's marriage was already messed up and will never be otherwise.

Anonymous wrote:^^adding to above -- they're miserable. You will be too if you try to stay together.

Is it financially better for them to stay together?

^^adding to above -- they're miserable. You will be too if you try to stay together.

Do you and your STBXH fight a lot, OP? Do your marriage problems come as a surprise?

I caught my dad kissing his AP (his office manager- and his office was in our home) when I was in high school.

It wasn't a big deal to me because my parents had been at each other's throats my whole life and I hoped this meant that they would finally divorce. They didn't and are still together 30 years later.

Anyway, if your marriage was very obviously on the rocks this might not be as much of a shock. In that case, you and your future - ex should have a frank discussion with your daughter.

If on the other hand you just blew up what felt like a decent household then just tell her you love her and get the hell out of the way.

Either way you suck, btw.

Anonymous wrote:Teen DD caught me with AP. What do I do now? I came clean to DH. I don't know what he will do. How do I reassure DD we will still be a family?

Your daughter now knows that her mother is a slut. Not much you can do about it now. Why would she ever trust you again?

Pretty sure this is a troll post. I remember this EXACT thread a year or two ago.

I don't know who is in more need of a life- trollina or me.

My friend caught her dad years ago. Their relationship also never really recovered. It can be a mind fuck on a kid.

Anonymous wrote:OP you're a loser and you've probably fucked up a few years of your kids life.

Why not just go out and get drunk to top it all off.

You need to make amends with her and hope that she comes through it. Especially with college looming in a few years. This is all down to your thoughtlessness. In your house, really?

OP you're a loser and you've probably fucked up a few years of your kids life.

Why not just go out and get drunk to top it all off.

Anonymous wrote:DH told me I was stupid for bringing this into our own house. Told me I could've been more discrete. Also, he told me he knew for awhile but didn't confront me about it.

OP, did you ask how he figured it out?

Yikes. DH caught his dad when he was a teen. Honestly, the relationship never recovered. DH lost all respect for his dad. They speak 3 or 4 times a year.

Honestly, OP, a lot is now out of your hands. The biggest factor is likely your husband. If your marriage survives, your DD may have an easier time moving past it. If not, your DD is likely to choose her dad. If I were you, I'd throw myself into saving the marriage. Counseling, whatever it takes.

Also, don't force your DD to talk to you about it. Tell her you're so sorry and if she wants to talk, you are there. Then give her space. And pray that your husband has more maturity than you and leaves her out of it. Because if he wants to, he could destroy your relationship with her.