Anonymous wrote:Why is he not allowed to buy her school lunch?
Do you fear the girl could take advantage of his generosity?
My daughter buys sometimes her friends food, or they share.
Just wondering what the reasoning is, not judging.

My DS 6th Grade reports that buying each other treats at lunch time and/or sharing lunch goodies is a big part of the social scene at school.

My kids are a bit older than this. "dating" was a big thing around 6th grade, but never again until 10th or so. It was more like an introduction to junior high that they all did, but then grew bored of it until they were older.

When they were "dating", it was mostly just talking to each other via social media. Occasionally they would go out to dinner or a movie (parents chaperoned but didn't sit with them)

Why is he not allowed to buy her school lunch?
Do you fear the girl could take advantage of his generosity?
My daughter buys sometimes her friends food, or they share.
Just wondering what the reasoning is, not judging.

OP here.

Thank you all for the helpful posts! Some of it is pretty scary but I'm glad to learn. I didn't know how early some kids start experimenting with sexual behaviors.

To answer the questions- ds has no electronics, so he can't FaceTime or instagram, etc. I know his 'girlfriend' has asked him to FaceTime her, but he can only call her on our regular home phone.
No, he doesn't earn or budget his own money. He has money that he gets for holidays and birthdays, sometimes if he does extra chores but I don't give him an allowance for regular house chores. The money he has generally just goes in his bank account. However, he has bought the girlfriend lunch at school from his account that we fund! I've told him that's a big no.

He's asked if he can go to her house with several other friends to hang out as a group. I'm iffy on that, I've told him I'll need to speak with her parents but so far no calls. He's been calling her on the phone a lot and she calls here all the time. It seems to me like too much, but not sure if that's the norm.

I guess I'm just not used to this, he talks about her all the time. I think it's really cute but at the same time I want to make sure he doesn't like her so much that he's heartbroken when it ends.

So pretty much, this should remain an at school type of 'dating'. The group date thing at her house is not a good idea? And I should definitely continue not letting him have any electronics. Should the phone conversations be limited?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You start dating only when you can afford to take your date out to a movie.

This. Does he earn and budget his own money, OP?

What the fifth-graders call "dating" costs nothing. So why would this be relevant?

Anonymous wrote:
Another reason to stay away from hormone-infected dairy products.

What scientific evidence are you basing this statement on?

Also, hormones don't infect things.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 7th grade DD is "dating" and it involves a lot of texting and separately binge watching Netflix to report back to each other.

I love this definition of dating! What kind of shows do eleven year-olds binge watch!

Fuller House

Anonymous wrote:

I think it varies, and I think earlier pubertal onset is complicating things, especially for girls. My DD is a seventh grader. Her friend, who started having periods shortly after turning nine, had a drama-laden fifth and sixth grade relationship with a boy which spanned two years. It majorly disrupted the social scene at school.

Wow, my poor DD might get her period when she's 9 or 10. I hate to think someone else's mom will blame her for majorly disrupting the social scene at school.

Another reason to stay away from hormone-infected dairy products.

Anonymous wrote:You start dating only when you can afford to take your date out to a movie.

This. Does he earn and budget his own money, OP?

Anonymous wrote:My 7th grade DD is "dating" and it involves a lot of texting and separately binge watching Netflix to report back to each other.

I love this definition of dating! What kind of shows do eleven year-olds binge watch!

I think it varies, and I think earlier pubertal onset is complicating things, especially for girls. My DD is a seventh grader. Her friend, who started having periods shortly after turning nine, had a drama-laden fifth and sixth grade relationship with a boy which spanned two years. It majorly disrupted the social scene at school.

Wow, my poor DD might get her period when she's 9 or 10. I hate to think someone else's mom will blame her for majorly disrupting the social scene at school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fifth graders have no business "dating." I have a ninth grader who has never had a girlfriend, and he has the healthiest outlook in life. No drama, lots of friends, into sports. The minute you let them invite that element of drama in their lives, you are in for trouble. You need to keep them busy with activities. If they are looking for love elsewhere, they are probably not getting enough at home.

And yet they do, and what's more, you can't stop them.

No, you can't stop them, but you can raise kids to have interests that distract them from sexuality at such a young age.

Anonymous wrote:Fifth graders have no business "dating." I have a ninth grader who has never had a girlfriend, and he has the healthiest outlook in life. No drama, lots of friends, into sports. The minute you let them invite that element of drama in their lives, you are in for trouble. You need to keep them busy with activities. If they are looking for love elsewhere, they are probably not getting enough at home.

And yet they do, and what's more, you can't stop them.

Fifth graders have no business "dating." I have a ninth grader who has never had a girlfriend, and he has the healthiest outlook in life. No drama, lots of friends, into sports. The minute you let them invite that element of drama in their lives, you are in for trouble. You need to keep them busy with activities. If they are looking for love elsewhere, they are probably not getting enough at home.

PP @ 15:48, poster of your commented post here. Thanks for your feedback. I think you understand my point of view. I am glad my daughter has been pretty busy with extracurricular activities, which limits her unstructured social time a bit with girls, and she is still a bit shy with her crushes. We are concerned about her social life suffering, but so much about this age group revolves around trying new things, focusing attention on things that you enjoy, and balancing those things with your social and academic lives.

OP, one thing I forgot to ask about is your child's involvement in social media. Does either your son, or the object of his affection, spend a lot of time on social media? Some of the other posters have mentioned that texting, FaceTime, etc. are some of the main activities with 'dating' kids in this age range. I have noticed that the kids who are more involved in the dating and sexual experimentation in my daughter's group are the ones who spend lots of time on social media, and are typically the kids that don't have targeted interests, like creating a YouTube channel, gaming, etc.

And the poster who mentioned oral sex and sixth graders is spot on. Scary, but true. My DD's IM friends of friends, especially in the eighth grade, challenge and prod the younger kids into experimenting with oral sex via social media, especially the seventh graders. To them, it is not really 'sex', and is much more socially acceptable with this group, because it plays to the typical short-term nature of the relationships. My DD said that she thinks most of the kids have experimented with oral sex by the time they reach the eighth grade.

Snapchat, in particular, seems to play heavily into this trend. There is a perception that the images 'go away'. But they remain in the cloud. There are other apps out there that do the same thing, but it seems to be that Snapchat is the most mainstream one with this age group.

Maybe a good way to help your DS figure out the tween 'dating' thing is to make sure his social media access is known and controlled.