Anonymous wrote:My father, abruptly, with zero warning, asked me to go through my room to indicate what I wanted to keep. He then stood in my childhood room staring at me, and my mother hopped into my bed and made herself comfortable to watch this new scene in her personal reality show staring one of her children.

I cried and tried to do what my father was asking, but COMPLETELY forgot about the bags of my things they had in the attic. So they got rid of them. Including my fancy Cabbage Patch Doll from Hong Kong, complete with passport stamped by real customs agents. Including my satin toe shoes. Including my first jewelry box. Things I'd REALLY have loved to keep.

No clue what happened to my old stuffed animals, my old book reports, my stickers, my books, etc. I assume my father threw out whatever he thought wouldn't sell at the one garage sale they ever had.

"Mom, dad, I am glad you brought it up, it was on my mind too. I will need until 4 pm tomorrow. Thanks. I also want some space as I do it, can I be alone in the room please?"

Your problem is not the Cabbage Patch Doll.

Always blame mom. It is always her fault. Children suck.

YOU are responsible for that stuff. You moved out. You left it. If she had thrown it out right then you would have been MAD. You need to thank her and dispose of it yourself. Don't be a whiny baby expecting somebody else to deal with your things.

My parents moved when I was 19 and I had to go through everything and reduce it down to 2 large Tupperware containers- max. A friend of mine just had to do this at 35. She had so many things to go through that 19 year old me threw out immediately. I think I would have saved completely different things now than I did then. Things I cringed at and were embarrassed by at 19 are now fond memories of some real learning moments. Etc.

Anyway, basically, your parents are not unlimited storage. Often, when they move or downsize, it is your problem. My mother has one cedar chest at the bottom of her bed that she keeps a few of our items in. I assume these are the things she pulls out when she wants to take a walk down memory lane. She also kept a few items that she has given us at various moments. Weddings. Babies. Etc.

Mostly though, I think its for you to get rid of. Your Mom saved it for you- so you would have that choice. She should save anything she wants first. Then its yours to save, get rid of, etc.

My mother kept everything. I had no idea. Some of the stuff I thought was gone. Long gone. Nope. It's all still there. My mother gives it all to me to deal with. I actually just got several boxes and most of it will be thrown away. FYI, I'm in my 40's.

OP, whatever you decide to do, do it all at once. Otherwise you'll be in my shoes. My inlaws visit every 3 months and always bring a box or bag of my husbands stuff to pass onto us. Old stuffed animals, plastic toys, clothing, etc. because it's a small amount, it seems like no big deal, but then we end up having tons of this old crap that my husband could care less about.

Take what you'll use and get rid of the rest. Nice of your parents to store it, but maybe gently advise them that those items are more tokens of their memories than yours.

Anonymous wrote:How old were you when this happened? We are trying to patiently wait for our 24 year old daughter to go through all her things and make room for us to consider downsizing, or reorganizing how we would like our house as empty nesters. I don't want to force it too soon, but I hate clutter.

Not the pp, but my parents really got going with the process once we kids were all settled in our own houses. Before that, they had boxed up a lot of stuff. They weren't planning to move any time soon, just get organized--otherwise of course it might have happened earlier.

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Your parents did such a nice and loving thing and you bitch about it? Just wow.

Keeping every.little.thing rather than sorting as they go is not nice and loving at all. It's inefficient and impractical.

Take an extra day the next time you visit and go through as much as you can. Bring an extra empty suitcase or plan to ship a couple boxes back to your home.

Ask your mom what she wants to do with the things you don't want before you start, so you can throw out a lot of it.

Realize some weird emotions will bubble forth from both of you--and that the amount to throw away will likely seem overwhelming.

Plan to repeat this process a few times.

Wow. Your parents did such a nice and loving thing and you bitch about it? Just wow.

Who keeps school projects? Parents or adult child? Baby clothes? Baby shoes? Why wouldn't a mother keep such things? The kids should ask for all of that at 21?

Anonymous wrote:My father, abruptly, with zero warning, asked me to go through my room to indicate what I wanted to keep. He then stood in my childhood room staring at me, and my mother hopped into my bed and made herself comfortable to watch this new scene in her personal reality show staring one of her children.

I cried and tried to do what my father was asking, but COMPLETELY forgot about the bags of my things they had in the attic. So they got rid of them. Including my fancy Cabbage Patch Doll from Hong Kong, complete with passport stamped by real customs agents. Including my satin toe shoes. Including my first jewelry box. Things I'd REALLY have loved to keep.

No clue what happened to my old stuffed animals, my old book reports, my stickers, my books, etc. I assume my father threw out whatever he thought wouldn't sell at the one garage sale they ever had.

How old were you when this happened? We are trying to patiently wait for our 24 year old daughter to go through all her things and make room for us to consider downsizing, or reorganizing how we would like our house as empty nesters. I don't want to force it too soon, but I hate clutter. A couple of years ago my son went through his things and gladly took what he wanted, left some boxed up in our storage and lots went to garbage and goodwill. I saved shelves of games, puzzles, books and toys from both children too.

I moved out at 18. My parents moved houses at the same time and got rid of anything I didn't take with me. My dad killed my cat without even talking to me about it being a problem that I didn't take her. I was in an apartment and couldn't keep her, but would have found a home for her.

I just wonder if you moved out and still expected your parents to keep everything and your childhood room can't be used by them. ie. I made one bedroom into my office.

Op, quit finding fault to avoid the work.

Anonymous wrote:I'm very nostalgic about things, so I would appreciate being asked to go through my things. (My parents have mostly done that, but a few times, they've cleared out things that I might have preferred to keep.)

I envy people like you who don't feel burdened by their stuff! That said, maybe keep in mind that your kids and their potential offspring, if any, might enjoy seeing some things from your childhood. You could keep a box of things that were especially important to you--or especially indicative of the era you grew up in.

+1000

I'd take pictures, do are some, trash some and keep a box of what's really special. Help your mom out. Sounds like she's cleaning out her place.