I agree with 10:13 - there is some "hit" or validation that DH is getting from these friendships that he clearly isn't getting at home from me. And that makes me so sad. That's the conversation I really want to have with him.

Anonymous wrote:Imagine your DH has struck up friendships with the staff at a neighborhood bookstore that he frequents. A lot of the staff happen to be young women. What's your comfort level, roughly?

1. he goes to the store frequently and they chat
2. he has exchanged phone numbers and they text
3. he meets up with them socially (without you present)
4. he invites them over to your home

Or some other "level" I am not articulating here.

Where are you cool with it? Where are you irked?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone. It's helpful to see some replies to get a sense of whether I am being overly senstive/paranoid or not. My hunch is that I have already shown plenty of flexibility with DH and his social life, and that it is not unreasonable for me to draw a line where I no longer feel comfortable. And for me, I think that line is around 2-3.

I wish I felt more entitled to say to him, "I'm not comfortable with these friendships or this behavior. If they are really friends, then please invite them over, or invite me to join you with them." Unfortanately, what I fear is what some other posters have offered here, which is that jealousy is unattractive and I will come off looking like a jerk, infringing on DH's social life. And thus push him away further. That makes me scared to start the conversation with him, as I fear I will quickly lose my position of "hey, i'm not feeling so cool with this." and instead find myself on the defensive and accused of being a crappy/paranoid wife.

I agree with 10:13 - there is some "hit" or validation that DH is getting from these friendships that he clearly isn't getting at home from me. And that makes me so sad. That's the conversation I really want to have with him.

Any tips on how to start the conversation in a way that will make it productive? Keep us talking about the big picture and not make me look like a whiny, demanding wet blanket of a wife?

Anonymous wrote:Imagine your DH has struck up friendships with the staff at a neighborhood bookstore that he frequents. A lot of the staff happen to be young women. What's your comfort level, roughly?

1. he goes to the store frequently and they chat
2. he has exchanged phone numbers and they text
3. he meets up with them socially (without you present)
4. he invites them over to your home

Or some other "level" I am not articulating here.

Where are you cool with it? Where are you irked?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. There is no professional connection for DH.

DH told me once before that he bumped in to a couple of the staff when they were getting off work and they grabbed a beer together. that was a couple weeks ago.

He has phone numbers for a couple of them as they have offered to babysit DC. but I dont know what else they text about if not to set up babysitting.

On sat night he went out to watch a boxing match on TV (you have to watch at a bar that has the specific channel) and when he got home I asked who else joined him and he said "Jen." I said "who's Jen?" "Jen from the bookstore. I know you find it weird that they are my friends, but they are."