Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divide and conquer. My family would totally understand if my DH went to a cousin's wedding while I went to my brother's wedding. While they like DH, appreciate and respect my marriage, it's just not that important to them if he's there and if there is an event where he'd be more appreciated, they're fine with him going to it.

Kind of where I fall. I think you have to consider the individuals for whom the wedding is about. Time and again on this board the mantra is it's about the couple getting married.

OP's brother probably doesn't care if her DH is there are not. The cousin probably does care. Divide and conquer.

I really dislike the her family trumps his family rhetoric being spewed by some. It's not a road OP wants to go down.

Not her family because she's a woman, her family trumps because it's a brother versus a we-are-not-close-today cousin.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it were me, I'd be okay with dh going to his cousin's wedding, but we're pretty used to doing the "divide and conquer". DH is military, so I'm often stuck doing things on my own. In your case I think either option makes sense.

I'd be ok with DH going to his cousins' wedding. I'm pretty sure both my siblings could give zero fucks if my husband was in their wedding pictures given the circumstances, if he decided not to come because he would miss attending a game or something that would be a very different story.

That said there is nothing wrong with asking him to come with you..


But I would not get into the dynamic of this family member trumps this family member because 1. You'll very quickly end up alienating one side of the family most likely DH's and he'll come to resent you for that, and that not talking to that much doesn't mean not important.

2.) You shouldn't ask him to do anything you wouldn't do yourself that means down the road meaning from here on out all your childhood friends and their events are secondary.

I agree with this too.
Where does your DH think he should go?
I say he makes the decision, you support the decision he makes and you both agree that there is no guilt-tripping the other person about anything.

We are a divide and conquer family too and have done separate vacations when there are schedule conflicts. Not a big deal. DH and I have a great marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother and DH's cousin are both getting married on the same weekend, 3000 miles apart. Clearly the kids and I are going to my brother's wedding. Where should DH go? He and his cousin were really close growing up but don't talk that much now. DH is happy to do whatever I ask; I want to make sure I'm not being unreasonable asking him to come to my brother's wedding.

Few things first,

1. Not talking much does not mean not important. My cousin and I don't talk much due to where we live and lifestyle. We are lucky if we get each other on the phone once a month, but you best believe we were at each others weddings.


2. This is probably just my projection, but it stood out to me that your husband left the choice up to you. Why is that? Is he expecting a huge negative fall out/argument with you? Will he use this against you at a later time?


3. Is it absolutely impossible for both to happen meaning SH goes to his cousins wedding and then flies solo to meet up with you and the kids. In my experience the groom's bi; from his sister and his cousin do very little.

Ultimately neither choice is unreasonable. I think it would be perfectly fine for you to go to divide and conquer , and it would be perfectly fine for you to ask him to come to your brother's wedding.

This may just be because he thinks the deciding factor is his wife's opinion. As many have stated either option could be reasonable depending on the specific family dynamics. In my family you better believe DH would go to my brother's wedding. My brother might not care but it would matter a lot *to me* to have him there.

It's fine if he thinks that, but OP didn't say so which leads me to think otherwise. It's not just about you and your wants when you get married. Something many wives hear fail to understand your husbands wants and feelings matter too.

Anonymous wrote:Divide and conquer. My family would totally understand if my DH went to a cousin's wedding while I went to my brother's wedding. While they like DH, appreciate and respect my marriage, it's just not that important to them if he's there and if there is an event where he'd be more appreciated, they're fine with him going to it.

Kind of where I fall. I think you have to consider the individuals for whom the wedding is about. Time and again on this board the mantra is it's about the couple getting married.

OP's brother probably doesn't care if her DH is there are not. The cousin probably does care. Divide and conquer.

I really dislike the her family trumps his family rhetoric being spewed by some. It's not a road OP wants to go down.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother and DH's cousin are both getting married on the same weekend, 3000 miles apart. Clearly the kids and I are going to my brother's wedding. Where should DH go? He and his cousin were really close growing up but don't talk that much now. DH is happy to do whatever I ask; I want to make sure I'm not being unreasonable asking him to come to my brother's wedding.

Few things first,

1. Not talking much does not mean not important. My cousin and I don't talk much due to where we live and lifestyle. We are lucky if we get each other on the phone once a month, but you best believe we were at each others weddings.


2. This is probably just my projection, but it stood out to me that your husband left the choice up to you. Why is that? Is he expecting a huge negative fall out/argument with you? Will he use this against you at a later time?


3. Is it absolutely impossible for both to happen meaning SH goes to his cousins wedding and then flies solo to meet up with you and the kids. In my experience the groom's bi; from his sister and his cousin do very little.

Ultimately neither choice is unreasonable. I think it would be perfectly fine for you to go to divide and conquer , and it would be perfectly fine for you to ask him to come to your brother's wedding.

This may just be because he thinks the deciding factor is his wife's opinion. As many have stated either option could be reasonable depending on the specific family dynamics. In my family you better believe DH would go to my brother's wedding. My brother might not care but it would matter a lot *to me* to have him there.

Divide and conquer. My family would totally understand if my DH went to a cousin's wedding while I went to my brother's wedding. While they like DH, appreciate and respect my marriage, it's just not that important to them if he's there and if there is an event where he'd be more appreciated, they're fine with him going to it.

Anonymous wrote:My brother and DH's cousin are both getting married on the same weekend, 3000 miles apart. Clearly the kids and I are going to my brother's wedding. Where should DH go? He and his cousin were really close growing up but don't talk that much now. DH is happy to do whatever I ask; I want to make sure I'm not being unreasonable asking him to come to my brother's wedding.

Few things first,

1. Not talking much does not mean not important. My cousin and I don't talk much due to where we live and lifestyle. We are lucky if we get each other on the phone once a month, but you best believe we were at each others weddings.


2. This is probably just my projection, but it stood out to me that your husband left the choice up to you. Why is that? Is he expecting a huge negative fall out/argument with you? Will he use this against you at a later time?


3. Is it absolutely impossible for both to happen meaning SH goes to his cousins wedding and then flies solo to meet up with you and the kids. In my experience the groom's bi; from his sister and his cousin do very little.

Ultimately neither choice is unreasonable. I think it would be perfectly fine for you to go to divide and conquer , and it would be perfectly fine for you to ask him to come to your brother's wedding.