Op - thanks! Not Asian. Grandma is recently deceased so no use bringing that up.

I'm glad that it's not the norm and just an isolated thing to my mom. I gave her the line "not your house or party" ... Let's see how many people she passive aggressively invites

Anonymous wrote:It isn't your house and you do not get to control the number of invitees. I,tis extremely rude for you to even try to do so.

It's not grandma's house either, so why aren't you jumping at the chance to say how rude she is as well? Grandma is the one who wants to invite 100+ people, not the aunt & uncle who are actually hosting in their home.

It's kind of like a baby shower - hosted by some one else, but the folks invited are tied to you - not the aunt & uncle. OP, you would be coming up with the invite list here, not the "hosts" and certainly not Gram.

Not the norm at all. This is the baby's 1st birthday? You, your husband, and the grandparents would be the norm here. Since you've got an aunt & uncle set nice enough to host, then I guess you should also include the other aunts & uncles so as to not make others feel left out, but hopefully that should cap out at around 20 people?

Grandma's neighborhood friends, long lost cousins - no need.

Anonymous wrote:DH and I invited our siblings and a couple of close family friends. Inviting someone a plane ride away for a 1st bday party would seem like a gift grab, honestly.

+1,000,000

We have big parties like this, but I can't imagine my mother imposing on me like this. I just like to include anyone who may possibly be able to attend and share in the celebration. But it would be okay if I didn't.

No one is going to show up who has to get on a plane. Limit it to local people.

It isn't your house and you do not get to control the number of invitees. I,tis extremely rude for you to even try to do so.

Anonymous wrote:OP - based on the fact that you refer to your mom as a boomer, I'm going to assume you're not any form of Asian? Because this is totally the norm in some Asian cultures (I'm Indian, my sister had a 150 person party for her first child's first birthday and my Korean friends have had "dhol" parties for their children which are equally as large.

I was going to say something similar depending on the culture or family ( dh is white and southern but his family always hosts get togethers with large numbers) parties with upwards of 150 guests are the norm , and aunt and uncle wouldn't bat an eyelash

Normal is relative.

You have to on your own decide what you are comfortable with and own every part of that choice from telling your mom to hearing from "disappointed " relatives 5 years from now.

OP - based on the fact that you refer to your mom as a boomer, I'm going to assume you're not any form of Asian? Because this is totally the norm in some Asian cultures (I'm Indian, my sister had a 150 person party for her first child's first birthday and my Korean friends have had "dhol" parties for their children which are equally as large.

Honestly, if I wasn't close family and got an invite to this, I would find it bizarre and a gift grab. That's the sort of invite I would post about on DCUM!

Not at all the norm. Why is your mom involved in this? And why did she determine the guest list for your wedding? You need to establish boundaries. If she wants to host a party at her house for 200 people, she is welcome to do that. Your aunt and uncle are hosting so they determine the number of people and you determine who to invite. Your mom decides if she wants to come or not.

Your mom wants to invite 150 people to a party at someone else's home in the name of good manners?

Also, if I got an invitation to a 1st birthday party to someone a plane ride away that I saw once every decade I would thibk it was a terribly tacky and poorly disguised gift grab, and a bad one at that since I obviously wouldn't be able to come and think that cake and ice cream with immediate family is the standard and maybe, maybe a pony at one birthday when you are 8 is ok, but nothing more than that.

I'm a old codger who thinks these kinds of things are now way way over the top, so take it with a grain of salt of course

Your mom is nuts. She's not in control and she's not funding it. She gets no say. Put her in charge of tablecloths or drinks or some such bullshit to distract her.

You can't invite all those people to someone else's house. It's extremely rude. Even 30 ppl at someone else's place is a lot. Tell your mom to back off.