I honestly didn't know this was as much of an issue as it is until I came here since it isn't an issue with my marriage, but, we don't have children (not by choice) and that seems to be the main thing that leads to this situation. The only advice I have is for people to hang on and get past those rough years where the kids are little and suck all the life out of you.

I think it's such a common subject here because it's rare to hear any real discussions elsewhere. Talking about it honestly and at length with your spouse is bound to do more harm than good. Me and my guy friends don't talk about our sex lives. On TV it's mostly confined to sitcom cliches. Magazine articles are likely to give you a lot of hooey about choreplay and date nights -- in fact, I found this place when I was searching the Internet all resentful because chores and dates didn't move the sex life needle at all.

Being able to discuss the matter anonymously here has helped me quite a bit. Among other things, I see that I have plenty of company. There have been more than a few low drive spouses who have provided good insight into that perspective. And I've been interested to hear strategies other couples have used.

When I'm frustrated, it's better to come piss and moan here than to react negatively to my wife -- which will further decrease our sex life.

DH here: I think once a week is about the minimum a low-drive DW could get away with without risking that the lack of sex will start to cause major problems in the relationship. On average, relationships of course vary a lot.

(Before you all jump on me, I am not saying this is the low-drive spouse's fault; it is not anyone's fault, but the dynamic can cause problems).

And I think many women see it the same way, it seems to be a common compromise frequency.

We are at about that frequency. On the one hand, that sometimes feels ok, and on the other, it sometimes feels likes she wants to have as little sex as possible, which is of course somewhat troubling.

Anonymous wrote:Assume you realize that some type of compromise must be reached and you are happy with everything else in the relationship. Is once a week enough for you?

Enough for me to stay in the relationship? Yes. Enough for me never to cheat? Not sure. Is it a good quality once a week, or once a week duty, lights off, same position sex?

Quit feeding this troll folks.

I keep reading these high drive/low drive threads and think: "did I post that and forget I posted it?" I am very relieved to see that other couples struggle with the same issue.

I say keep posting threads and helpful responses.

As for me, I just jerk off and wait for DW to have sex when she is ready. Not fair but haven't found a better solution. Talking about it with her has not helped.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assume you realize that some type of compromise must be reached and you are happy with everything else in the relationship. Is once a week enough for you?

For heaven's sake, you have a OCD about this. YOU are the problem not your spouse. Now get of this thread of constant return and reruns!

I don't get why people log onto a thread just to shout people down. Like, I don't care about alimony issues, but I don't go to the thread just to tell people to shut up. I assume the people doing so here are low drive and are sick of hearing that may be an issue.

To answer OPs question - once a week would be a doable compromise, assuming as someone said upthread, it was an engaged session.

There are not 10000000 alimony threads already in existence. There are two other threads about sex frequency on the front page ALONE today.

There are two alimony threads on the front page. So what's your point? There also a bunch of threads about divorce, separation, unhappy marriages, etc. It's a relationship board. These are all relationship issues. Most of which have been rehashed over and over again as well. If you don't like the topic of a thread, don't read or post on it. Or do. Either way, I doubt anyone really cares.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assume you realize that some type of compromise must be reached and you are happy with everything else in the relationship. Is once a week enough for you?

For heaven's sake, you have a OCD about this. YOU are the problem not your spouse. Now get of this thread of constant return and reruns!

I don't get why people log onto a thread just to shout people down. Like, I don't care about alimony issues, but I don't go to the thread just to tell people to shut up. I assume the people doing so here are low drive and are sick of hearing that may be an issue.

To answer OPs question - once a week would be a doable compromise, assuming as someone said upthread, it was an engaged session.

There are not 10000000 alimony threads already in existence. There are two other threads about sex frequency on the front page ALONE today.