OP sounds very very cheap. This is just a way of making excuses to not buy something expensive. Being cheap is really a red flag for other issues. If I was the girlfriend, I would not marry someone with this line of thinking. It's a preview of bigger issues to come.

The ring is a symbol. It doesn't have to cost a lot of money.

An engagement ring is a gift. When I buy a gift for anyone, man or woman, I pay for it. It wouldn't occur to me to ask someone to pay for half of a gift I am giving to that person.

OP, you just haven't met a nice girl yet.

Lol, good one OP! Can't believe so many posters fell for this

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good grief dude. White Men invented 99.9 percent of every modern day necessity, system and luxury. Embrace the grace and glory that is man and buy her a ring.

Actually white men stole credit for many inventions by white women and people of color.

Like? What a stupid assertion.

Anonymous wrote:I think OP may just be cheap and is trying to use the term "feminist" to reduce his costs by 50%.
He sounds like a schmuck.

Oh how I wish his GF would stumble upon this thread. Run while you can, girlfriend. OP don't hide this side of you from her. She needs to know what she's dealing with, ring or no ring.

Anonymous wrote:Good grief dude. White Men invented 99.9 percent of every modern day necessity, system and luxury. Embrace the grace and glory that is man and buy her a ring.

Actually white men stole credit for many inventions by white women and people of color.

Honestly we had a joint checking account before we were married so I guess my wife did pay half. I would think most people merge their finances in some ways after marriage so I would hope that everyone had a discussion about the relative merits of spending big bucks on a ring vs saving for a downpayment or other goals. I think the bigger issue is I would never buy a ring I couldn't put on my credit card and payoff in the same month (and my wife was onboard with that).

OP, try this.

An engagement ring is meant to be the physical symbol of your promise to marry someone that you love, with all the attendant devotion and affection and respect that entails - for this feminist woman, anyway. There are certainly people who see it as a mark of possession or a tradition of the patriarchy used to prove that women can be bought.

If your intended wife is a woman who expects a flashy ring, but that is not something that matches your values, then don't propose to her. If you find yourself chaffing at the idea of spending gobs of money on a piece of jewelry with a dodgy ethical past, possibly constructed from materials produced exploitatively, then don't propose to her with a ring.

Stop making this about feminism and defining that as sharing things 50/50. There are lots of things that are not going to be shared 50/50. I will always be the one who gives more than my 50% share of my body to my marriage because I am the only one who can physically bear children. My husband will always contribute more than his 50% share of our income, because he will always make more money than me.

That you feel PITY for your friends who are getting engaged is pretty sad.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are not a feminist. You can be an ally, but you are not female, and therefore cannot be a feminist.

However, a feminist ally would never speak the way you do. Never, ever ever and your flimsy attempts to couch your obvious misogyny behind feminism is a combination of amusing and just gross.

Actually, feminism is the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities. Any person who distances themselves from this thought - man or women - I trend to stay away from.

Does this mean that women should by the man a ring as well? Or pay half of it? Hmmm...not in my opinion. But if he can find a woman of the same opinion - Great! Get engaged!

I am pretty sure OP will never have to face this problem in real life.

I think OP may just be cheap and is trying to use the term "feminist" to reduce his costs by 50%.
He sounds like a schmuck.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are not a feminist. You can be an ally, but you are not female, and therefore cannot be a feminist.

However, a feminist ally would never speak the way you do. Never, ever ever and your flimsy attempts to couch your obvious misogyny behind feminism is a combination of amusing and just gross.

Wrong. Men can be feminist.

I see OP's point. It's similar to whether men are expected to pay for all dates or not. And I'm personally not a fan of the expensive engagement ring or the idea that it's the man who asks the woman to marry him and then gives her this big honking gift if she says yes.

But OP, is this as far as your feminism takes you? Is this where you put your feminist energy? I'd hardly pick this as a starting point to focus on equaling things out.

Anonymous wrote:As a feminist guy, this is a deal-breaker for me and I feel pity and mystification for my guy friends when I hear about them doing it -- some of them are shelling out literally thousands of dollars for a ring that their partner isn't paying for half of. For these guys it's like the sexual revolution never happened.

If your answer is 'yes, I totally would', is it because you don't consider yourself a feminist, or what?

You can be a woman and like nice things and even be materialist and consider yourself a feminist. My DW would consider herself a feminist. I had the means to do so and bought her a nice right (yes, literally into the "thousands of dollars"...Because nice things cost money). I do not think buying a very expensive engagement ring and being a feminist ally are mutually exclusive. OP, are you gay?