Anonymous wrote:This could be my family and my husband's family. My husband nearly died and our parents and siblings wanted to know nothing about it. I don't think it was because they're uncaring, I think it was because they're selfish and wanted to know as little as possible so not to mess with their lives.

For example, my FIL wanted to force my SIL to visit her brother when it was clear he might not make it through the night. I said, great, and did not offer directions to the hospital. My FIL then, totally humiliated, HAD to ask "what's the name of the hospital?" I said "don't you think you should know the NAME OF THE HOSPITAL WHEN YOUR ONLY SON IS DYING????" I told him but basically have kept my polite distance ever since. This was some time ago, but when I was quite ill they pulled the same stunt. Some people are just garbage.

Wow. You sound super awesome.

I had 1)EBV, 2) a miscarriage, 3) divorce and 4) cancer.

1) My mom and stepdad came and stayed about 36 hours before I had spinal tap and was released from hospital. I lived alone. She asked the my doctor (friend's boyfriend) if he could give me a ride home. She asked me why my boyfriend's mom wasn't being me meals.

2) After fours years trying to conceive I lost twins. I asked my mom to come for a few days but she says that a husband and wife should share this time alone.

3) Divorcing with two small kids she didn't volunteer to come so I didn't ask. I do not she always held it against my grandmother for bringing my mom's niece when she finally decided to come help my mom.

4) My mom and stepdad came for week when I was diagnosed and a year later when I had surgery. I found out they told the folks at home they were here checking on me but were actually in Las Vegas (twice) pretending they were here.

It felt good to type that w/o crying or throwing something at the wall. New problem, mom was very sick for three years and I didn't visit her. Now she needs housing (rents a room because she is afraid to live alone) and I refuse to help her.

Some relatives suck. I am one. Sorry, not sorry.

Anonymous wrote:I get what you're feeling and I don't think it's unjustified. One of my brothers and my sister did know acknowledge the birth of my daughter at all. The received the announcement, heard through the grapevine, and just a single response. No "congrats" reply back. Nothing.

When I was coming out to see my side of the family with the baby, my husband urged me to invite them anyway - so I did, and finally they agree to show up at some point, during which my brother announced that my children are not his favorite. My sister, on the other hand, has since really stepped it up and become an awesome aunt - so I give her a pass for just being weird about births. My brother though - it's hard to think of him in the same way knowing how little I, and my family, mean to him.

If you can just lower your expectations and accept that your siblings aren't offering what you'd hoped for, then perhaps you can make peace with what they are there for - some light chit chat during holidays. I know it hurts now, but hopefully in the future, you can enjoy the relationship for whatever little it is.

How did your brother make that announcement??

OP here, sounds like a few of you have the exact same type of family! Typically I keep in contact with them all and most of them live local. For me it's more the point of the matter, I don't need anyone standing around my hospital bed visiting me or even calling for that matter but it would have been nice if they had at least contacted my spouse or kids. I tend to be the one family member that would typically be the one visiting or asking if I could do anything if the shoe was on the other foot.

I'm sure at some point one of them will also have some type of serious health issue and I certainly won't be paying any visits.

sorry for typos ^^ *did not acknowledge* and *not a single response*

I get what you're feeling and I don't think it's unjustified. One of my brothers and my sister did know acknowledge the birth of my daughter at all. The received the announcement, heard through the grapevine, and just a single response. No "congrats" reply back. Nothing.

When I was coming out to see my side of the family with the baby, my husband urged me to invite them anyway - so I did, and finally they agree to show up at some point, during which my brother announced that my children are not his favorite. My sister, on the other hand, has since really stepped it up and become an awesome aunt - so I give her a pass for just being weird about births. My brother though - it's hard to think of him in the same way knowing how little I, and my family, mean to him.

If you can just lower your expectations and accept that your siblings aren't offering what you'd hoped for, then perhaps you can make peace with what they are there for - some light chit chat during holidays. I know it hurts now, but hopefully in the future, you can enjoy the relationship for whatever little it is.

Anonymous wrote:This could be my family and my husband's family. My husband nearly died and our parents and siblings wanted to know nothing about it. I don't think it was because they're uncaring, I think it was because they're selfish and wanted to know as little as possible so not to mess with their lives.

For example, my FIL wanted to force my SIL to visit her brother when it was clear he might not make it through the night. I said, great, and did not offer directions to the hospital. My FIL then, totally humiliated, HAD to ask "what's the name of the hospital?" I said "don't you think you should know the NAME OF THE HOSPITAL WHEN YOUR ONLY SON IS DYING????" I told him but basically have kept my polite distance ever since. This was some time ago, but when I was quite ill they pulled the same stunt. Some people are just garbage.

Forgot to mention that my parents are equally bad. My mother never came to help me when I was sick until well after her help was needed. The reason? She wanted to make a vacation out of the trip to see DC. Yep. And when my husband was nearly dying (he's fine now THANK GOODNESS), my father called to berate me for forgetting his birthday. "There isn't a post office on the way to the hospital?" That is a direct quote.

I just want to say that I'm so sorry OP, but really people can be horrible. Rise above, forgive but do not forget, and be happy you're alive today. I repeated the mantra "choose happiness and joy" because I did not want to be a bitter person. I can say that I've never forgotten what my family did to us, but I'm a happy and joyful person today (regardless of what I sound like here- memories are making me upset of course). Be well OP.

This could be my family and my husband's family. My husband nearly died and our parents and siblings wanted to know nothing about it. I don't think it was because they're uncaring, I think it was because they're selfish and wanted to know as little as possible so not to mess with their lives.

For example, my FIL wanted to force my SIL to visit her brother when it was clear he might not make it through the night. I said, great, and did not offer directions to the hospital. My FIL then, totally humiliated, HAD to ask "what's the name of the hospital?" I said "don't you think you should know the NAME OF THE HOSPITAL WHEN YOUR ONLY SON IS DYING????" I told him but basically have kept my polite distance ever since. This was some time ago, but when I was quite ill they pulled the same stunt. Some people are just garbage.

How has your family reacted in the past when someone had a serious medical issue?

I had a temporary health issue several years ago in my late 20s and I had one brother call, a brother who never called otherwise. Part of me thought it was nice, but part of me was annoyed because he called with wrong info about what was going on and probably wouldn't have called if he knew the actual story. (Just a guess.) In any case OP, it never occurred to me to be annoyed that my siblings weren't falling all over themselves just because I was sick and needed surgery. I got through it alone and that was fine.

If I talked to them on the phone regularly, I would call. If I emailed or texted them regularly I would email or text them.

If we didn't tend to communicate like that I would probably feel weird and intrusive calling them at the hospital and asking personal questions about their health. They might be on pain killers and sharing things that maybe they would not otherwise share with me. I would send flowers or maybe a card though. Or at least somehow get the message to them (through someone else) that I was thinking and asking about them.