Anonymous wrote:This is why women can't get ahead at work. Because lunch with a co-worker 3-4 times a year has to be run by his wife.

Ridiculous.

Well, I'm not so sure.

Is she having lunch with other people too?
Or is it just the two of you having lunch together and it's not really the culture of the office, i.e., you two are the only ones going to lunch together, neither of you go with anyone else of the opposite sex, and most lunches are in groups but you two somehow end up alone.

That is how most affairs are suspected in my work history, multiple places.
Work lunches and networking are one thing.
People pairing off conspicuously and claiming "why can't we be left to be friends" when it's just not done is another.
I can't speak for every situation obviously, but there is usually some work involved and a general invite and behavior with others and not one particular person that makes it more appropriate

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife here. I have no problem with my husband going out to lunch with female co-workers, single or married. One of his former co-workers is now his good friend and they still have lunch sometimes. I like her immensely and she's my friend now too, but she is closer to my husband and was his friend first. They're both great.

They are both great at hiding from you when temperatures are really high...

Yes, if they are hiding anything, they are really good at it, because I trust them both. I have no reason to suspect anything, other than that they are opposite sex friends. I have straight male friends that are purely platonic too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you think she is romantically interested in you?

LOL. Typical guy.

says the typical lonely woman

Well I'll be the other side. My husband had a co-worker that he saw when he travelled to her city 3-4 times per year. She was always very friendly and welcoming and would bring him lunch, coffee "since you're traveling" kind of thing and keep in touch between trips. No big deal.

Until she showed up at his hotel sauna in a bikini after he mentioned he was going to work out before dinner.
Thankfully he is a nerd and turned around so fast he walked into the glass door and had to regain his balance awkwardly before opening it and walking away.

So you sometimes don't really know what the other person's intentions are, but you can only be in charge of your reactions and intentions.

In hindsight, this woman was overly welcoming and involved since she didn't really deal with him directly and it wasn't her role to have lunch meetings with him, etc.

So a couple things:
Are these work related at all?
Is she single?
Is the conversation more work than social?
Does she try to get you to talk about your wife or talk about her dating life/relationship?

Anonymous wrote:Wife here. I have no problem with my husband going out to lunch with female co-workers, single or married. One of his former co-workers is now his good friend and they still have lunch sometimes. I like her immensely and she's my friend now too, but she is closer to my husband and was his friend first. They're both great.

They are both great at hiding from you when temperatures are really high...

Do you feel comfortable telling your wife about these lunches? If she doesn't know about them because you feel awkward mentioning them, that's a red flag.

OP, it must be tough to work full time while you are still in seventh grade. I'm sorry your family is so poor.

Wife here. I have no problem with my husband going out to lunch with female co-workers, single or married. One of his former co-workers is now his good friend and they still have lunch sometimes. I like her immensely and she's my friend now too, but she is closer to my husband and was his friend first. They're both great.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. I guess most women would not go out to lunch with a married man alone multiple times unless they had romantic intentions.

You are correct. SAHM will not even schedule played with a SAHD because of the sexual tension. You are right to be concerned.

What!? Really! My husband is home one day a week with our daughter and goes on play dates with sahm who are friends and neighbors and i trust him 100%

Look op, you are going to lunch with this woman once every 3-4 months, it isn't very much. You said nothing you do or say is inappropriate so don't worry. Just live by the rule of not doing anything that you wouldn't want your wife or boss to know about

Anonymous wrote:OP. I don't know....that's why I'm asking you ladies. I don't want to have any more lunches if I think she has romantic interest. If not, then I can handle it. I respect her as a friend.

Really, don't worry about it. As long as you treat her like a sister, she will understand perfectly well that you have a brother-sister-coworker kind of relationship. Do you have a sister? Maybe you are confused because you never had a sister and don't understand this kind of relationship?

Anonymous wrote:OP. I don't know....that's why I'm asking you ladies. I don't want to have any more lunches if I think she has romantic interest. If not, then I can handle it. I respect her as a friend.

Then why not talk to her? You seem to respect her as an attractive female, not a friend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you think she is romantically interested in you?

LOL. Typical guy.

Hilarious!

I'm a happily married woman who has lunch with a single male colleague. We sometimes grab coffee together. When we travel for work, we will often have drinks.

We mostly talk about work or movies...the way normal friends do.

There's nothing inappropriate going on. Period.

OP: are you one of those crazy people who believe that anyone who pays attention to them must be hot for them? I think that's actually a real mental health thing...perhaps google it?

Tell your wife about this lady, and then it won't be an issue. My husband has met my male colleague several times. He's not threatened at all (despite the guy being taller than him).

Again, go ask your wife if it's appropiate.

Is it you, DH? Is the attractive colleague the reason you are "very busy" every time I want to have lunch together?

OP. I don't know....that's why I'm asking you ladies. I don't want to have any more lunches if I think she has romantic interest. If not, then I can handle it. I respect her as a friend.