Anonymous wrote:To the person who called troll- I'm the OP and asked this question because I'm 40, single, never married and don't have kids. I saw the 50 years old never married man thread and wondered what people thought of women like me. Not trying to start a fight!

Op = why are you single childless at 40?

To the person who called troll- I'm the OP and asked this question because I'm 40, single, never married and don't have kids. I saw the 50 years old never married man thread and wondered what people thought of women like me. Not trying to start a fight!

Anonymous wrote:If they are otherwise good on paper....I think they likely wasted their prime dating years in a bad or dead end relationship. And now are left with not a whole lot of desirable choices since most of their male counterparts are married or dating younger.

I think the difference with the man on the other thread - successful, attractive, charming - he is highly desirable (on paper) with far more opportunities for dating and marriage.

Sadly, this is me dated someone from 18-28 and someone else from 29-34. Also, I was very very foolish to think it would be easy to find someone to marry at 28, which is when I always wanted to settle down. Marriage also wasn't pushed by my family, but education was. So,I'm highly educated and single.

I have friend 1) has 2 daughters this age, both professional, both unmarried; friend 2) has 3 children in this age zone - the eldest unmarried no kids, the others married no kids.

Is this a trend? No kids? Or even, no spouse? Seems to be among the people I know.

Liz Lemon.

Anonymous wrote:The same thing I think about the men which is along as they are happy with where they are in life and a good person good for them.

I don't pass value judgments on people based on their marital and procreation status.

+1

I would say this: male or female, they are people who want to be unattached/uncommitted, even if they themselves don't (yet) recognize this about themselves. Nobody who wants a "committed" co-habitating relationship should date them. They are not suitable partners for picket fence fantasies.

I am "the marrying type" and have been married 2x. If, however, by some weird happenstance, I wound up single again, I have no intention of ever marrying or cohabitating again, and I'd be delighted to meet someone who felt similarly.

You can have a serious, long term relationship and maintain completely separate domestic and financial situations and not have offspring.

Anonymous wrote:That some of them were in long-term relationships that did not work out and broke up in their 30s--and after you get out of your 20s, it is much harder to meet people.
I have known men in this boat as well, although they are more likely to be divorced than never married.

I have sympathy; was in relationship in my college years and 20s where the guy just strung me along and I was madly in love with him. He didn't want to marry until he was 40, blah blah blah. Finally saw the light and broke it off and met a really nice guy in my late 20s. Know 2 other women, who lived with their boyfriends for years, who finally realized they were never getting married. Got out in their mid 30s and never found anyone else to have a long-term relationship with.

This. My BFF and I joke about the book "Why men marry bit^$es" because it does seem like guys will let you waste your time if you let them. I assume a single childess 40 year old woman that wants to have children is in the situation because she let some joker or series of jokers waste her time in the prime dating years. Now as to why she allowed that, there can be lots of reasons. Some of it could be impacted by parents' relationship with each other or personality things like the people pleaser that struggles to stand up for herself.

I think how much I envy their ability to live entirely as they choose with no one else to work around or please.

That some of them were in long-term relationships that did not work out and broke up in their 30s--and after you get out of your 20s, it is much harder to meet people.
I have known men in this boat as well, although they are more likely to be divorced than never married.

I have sympathy; was in relationship in my college years and 20s where the guy just strung me along and I was madly in love with him. He didn't want to marry until he was 40, blah blah blah. Finally saw the light and broke it off and met a really nice guy in my late 20s. Know 2 other women, who lived with their boyfriends for years, who finally realized they were never getting married. Got out in their mid 30s and never found anyone else to have a long-term relationship with.

She probably has an interesting life!

I think single and 40-- you probably have your shit together. The women I know like this have traveled, are educated, volunteer and generally have a full life. They own their own homes, have good jobs and have put away for retirement. When they decide they are ready to have a child or children, they are in a financial and emotional place to be able to do it as a single mom.

1. that she used B.C. That's O.K.
2. that this is a sexist troll thread!

I'm 36, divorced, and childless, and don't want kids. I have a great boyfriend who is 11 years my junior, and sexy as all hell. So, all the "desirable" men are not taken. I don't think anything is wrong with an older woman with no kids and not married. If she's confident, has her shit together work and finance-wise, who cares? A lot of these women are much more stable and happy than younger women, married with kids, whose lives are secretly falling apart behind closed doors.

Psycho

It's obviously unfair to make blanket statements.

That said I've known a few people, both men and women from my family/friends sphere over the years who got into their 40's an had never married. I'd have to be honest and say that it was largely their own fault in that they made bad choices along the way or in some cases were just really tough to get along with. I have one friend in particular who if I didn't have a long history with from our college years wouldn't be able to bear to be around. That she's never found anyone is no surprise at all.

If someone is 40+ and alone by choice, terrific. If someone is 40+ and has been looking unsuccessfully for 20 years then I think they need to look at themselves.