PP here. When she said she wasn't going to attend, it was the day before. Which was why it was a big deal and felt very aggressive

Yes.

I went to therapy with my mom. I actually posted about it on here. We had what I thought was a pretty toxic relationship. I was at the point where I didn't know if I could have a relationship with her.

She did some messed up things which I don't want to detail too much, but some examples are holding family money over my head and telling me she essentially didn't want to attend a milestone event in my life which she had been planning to attend.

I had to not speak to her for a few months and then told her we needed to do therapy or I couldn't see her for a long time. I was not trying to make her do it, but that was how I felt.

I think we went 3 times and she and I each went once or twice alone. That is what we needed. I think her seeing me cry in front of someone else finally made it sink in for her . She let go of trying to be controlling in various ways and now we have more of a friendship than a power struggle. I am so grateful we did it.

Anonymous wrote:I tried when I was younger before I was married. It failed because my mother has had problems her entire life that overflow into every relationship she ever had. In that way, it really isn't personal because it has nothing to do with me. It's her life, everybody else is just in it. Now that I have kids, I simply don't have time for her drama any more. Further, I won't put up with her acting out around my kids, so that ship has sailed.

You can try it, OP, but remember your mom was who she is before she had you. If she couldn't change and grow for the sake of her kids when they were little, the chances that she will for her adult children are discouragingly slim.

[b]

Most insightful advice I've ever heard on this topic. Thank you.

Anonymous wrote:I tried when I was younger before I was married. It failed because my mother has had problems her entire life that overflow into every relationship she ever had. In that way, it really isn't personal because it has nothing to do with me. It's her life, everybody else is just in it. Now that I have kids, I simply don't have time for her drama any more. Further, I won't put up with her acting out around my kids, so that ship has sailed.

You can try it, OP, but remember your mom was who she is before she had you. If she couldn't change and grow for the sake of her kids when they were little, the chances that she will for her adult children are discouragingly slim.

Truth! Reading this encourages me to stop banging my head against a wall and focus on my own family. Thank you! -OP

Anonymous wrote:I tried when I was younger before I was married. It failed because my mother has had problems her entire life that overflow into every relationship she ever had. In that way, it really isn't personal because it has nothing to do with me. It's her life, everybody else is just in it. Now that I have kids, I simply don't have time for her drama any more. Further, I won't put up with her acting out around my kids, so that ship has sailed.

You can try it, OP, but remember your mom was who she is before she had you. If she couldn't change and grow for the sake of her kids when they were little, the chances that she will for her adult children are discouragingly slim.

+1

DH's MIL was bitter way before Dh came along, and certainly before I came along. There is no "fixing" the situation, it is what it is, I let him deal with it - or not. But she better not bring me into it, or she will get an earful.

I tried when I was younger before I was married. It failed because my mother has had problems her entire life that overflow into every relationship she ever had. In that way, it really isn't personal because it has nothing to do with me. It's her life, everybody else is just in it. Now that I have kids, I simply don't have time for her drama any more. Further, I won't put up with her acting out around my kids, so that ship has sailed.

You can try it, OP, but remember your mom was who she is before she had you. If she couldn't change and grow for the sake of her kids when they were little, the chances that she will for her adult children are discouragingly slim.