Anonymous wrote:Op it stinks but I don't think it's your place to say anything to the cousin of her own mother won't.
At the most you could ask one time, as neutrally as possible,
if there is any way she could make it on XYz date that you have planned " I don't know if your mom has said anything to you but she sounded upset on the phone that she couldn't come with you." And then drop it.
Unfortunately you have to add this to the list of ways your cousin lets you down and be more prepared and hopefully less disappointed when she wont come to your son's graduation or something.

OP here. This may be what we have to do. Plan it and see. Hoping this personality flaw is limited to situations involving death. Going to be really interesting to see how she handles it when her parents go. But, hopefully that's not for a very long time still.

Anonymous wrote:Why not try to do a long weekend in the fall? Places will be open and cheaper. Plus beach weather tends to still be good. While it may be hard in your cousin due to work she could come for the weekend only. Plus if you plan it now that gives her plenty of time to plan ahead.

If that doesn't work I would just do it next summer. Sadly, your mom isn't going anywhere and I am sure she would want her sister and neocon included. Yes you will have a child next summer but I bet your mom would love for your child to be there too.

OP here. We love the beach in fall and considered that option, but our baby is due in early September and my cousin will need to go back to school and her teaching job. So, we're back to that problem again. Not sure about waiting a year. It's an option, but there are a couple of variables that make it less-than-ideal. (We may end up moving for work next year.) I sort of feel it's now or a long time from now, not even next year. Maybe five years after that.

Op it stinks but I don't think it's your place to say anything to the cousin of her own mother won't.
At the most you could ask one time, as neutrally as possible,
if there is any way she could make it on XYz date that you have planned " I don't know if your mom has said anything to you but she sounded upset on the phone that she couldn't come with you." And then drop it.
Unfortunately you have to add this to the list of ways your cousin lets you down and be more prepared and hopefully less disappointed when she wont come to your son's graduation or something.

Why not try to do a long weekend in the fall? Places will be open and cheaper. Plus beach weather tends to still be good. While it may be hard in your cousin due to work she could come for the weekend only. Plus if you plan it now that gives her plenty of time to plan ahead.

If that doesn't work I would just do it next summer. Sadly, your mom isn't going anywhere and I am sure she would want her sister and neocon included. Yes you will have a child next summer but I bet your mom would love for your child to be there too.

Anonymous wrote:My dad died recently. We had a celebration of life (really a huge party) locally with friends and extended family. We are scattering his ashes with immediate close family this summer. Do that. Have a celebration some random weekend, then scatter the ashes when it's covenient for you.

OP here. That is what we are trying to do. We already had a huge party with the friends. The idea was that we would scatter the ashes with close family this summer. (That's me, DH, my aunt, and my cousin.) If my aunt and cousin can't or won't come, it will be me and DH, alone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not quite sure why you left this major part of planning to your cousin who clearly isn't reliable and doesn't care as much as it seems multiple others do, but I guess that doesn't matter at this point.

Do it another time and tell the important people that's the new date. Get the aunt.

OP here. She's not normally unreliable. Entirely the opposite. She drives people crazy planning everything 80 years in advance. She's usually exactly the person you want for this sort of thing. That's why I think maybe it's just her not-very-awesome way of dealing with death. (Unlike me, she's never had anyone she loves die.) The problem is that even though I understand this, it's hard to get past it and go back to our normal, close relationship.

Have you explained how much her dropping the ball on this upsets you? I lost both parents and this would be unforgivable to me, if you're that close.

OP here. I have not said anything. Can't decide if I should. It is pretty close to unforgivable for me too. And we have often called each other sister-by-another-mother. We are that close. (Also, her son is adopted and so am I, so I also feel a special need to stay close so that he grows up with a role model and friend who understands.) You'd think I'd be able to tell her how upset this has made me - for myself and my aunt - but she'd be right if she said she had apologized for screwing up the reservation. (She has.) Is she really under any obligation to make it right, if so-doing requires rearranging her own vacation plans or being seriously inconvenienced? I just don't feel that's mine to ask. My aunt, maybe. So I guess I don't feel I have much right to be mad in the first place.

My dad died recently. We had a celebration of life (really a huge party) locally with friends and extended family. We are scattering his ashes with immediate close family this summer. Do that. Have a celebration some random weekend, then scatter the ashes when it's covenient for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not quite sure why you left this major part of planning to your cousin who clearly isn't reliable and doesn't care as much as it seems multiple others do, but I guess that doesn't matter at this point.

Do it another time and tell the important people that's the new date. Get the aunt.

OP here. She's not normally unreliable. Entirely the opposite. She drives people crazy planning everything 80 years in advance. She's usually exactly the person you want for this sort of thing. That's why I think maybe it's just her not-very-awesome way of dealing with death. (Unlike me, she's never had anyone she loves die.) The problem is that even though I understand this, it's hard to get past it and go back to our normal, close relationship.

Have you explained how much her dropping the ball on this upsets you? I lost both parents and this would be unforgivable to me, if you're that close.

Anonymous wrote:Not quite sure why you left this major part of planning to your cousin who clearly isn't reliable and doesn't care as much as it seems multiple others do, but I guess that doesn't matter at this point.

Do it another time and tell the important people that's the new date. Get the aunt.

OP here. She's not normally unreliable. Entirely the opposite. She drives people crazy planning everything 80 years in advance. She's usually exactly the person you want for this sort of thing. That's why I think maybe it's just her not-very-awesome way of dealing with death. (Unlike me, she's never had anyone she loves die.) The problem is that even though I understand this, it's hard to get past it and go back to our normal, close relationship.