Anonymous wrote:Op I am in the same situation and unfortunately we just have to rinse and repeat "we are not making the trip this year".
They don't understand why we don't want to pay $5k to sit in their 55 + trailer in the desert.
They don't get that there are a million other uses for the time.

We explained once about time cost and other vacations we wanted to go on and it fell on deaf ears so that was it.

As PP said, you can't make them understand or be okay with it. But you do need to communicate so they know and not withhold from them when you know you aren't coming, since that's just rude.

Thank you for this!

OP

Op here-

My DH and I decided it's a horrible and expensive trip, so we aren't going until the kids are older. But telling his parents that is a different story. He would prefer to not bring it up until he's forced. Well as I mentioned it in my op, they're now sending emails detailing what we should do on our next trip, preferably this spring. I would like him to tell his parents that we don't really love visiting his hometown (my Inlaws think its the most amazing place on earth) because my Inlaws don't spend any time with us and my Inlaws act like my kids are near death at all times (direct quote- "Where is DS? It sounds like he's WASHING HIS HANDS BY HIMSELF!! WHAT IF HE SLIPS ON HE TILE AND DROWNS IN THE TOILET?????"). I laughed so hard when they said that and felt so irritated when my fil lectured to me about several freak accidents he saw on Facebook. It's the worst trip ever. I want husband to tell them that we visit them so my kids know their grandparents, not so we can sit in a boring west coast suburb.

Anonymous wrote:I really don't see what's so bad about OPs in laws. She is projecting a lot of her own interpretations of their behavior on them. What's so bad about complementing that they take the kids to museums and giving well intentioned parenting tips.

Anyways, I believe in karma. And all those people to drop their parents or in laws because they can't handle personality differences will wonder why their children don't have any time to visit them one day!

It sounds like way more than personality differences. And telling someone "museums help their brains grow" is patronizing and insulting. It must be nice to be stupid like yourself and never be offended by anything.

Op I am in the same situation and unfortunately we just have to rinse and repeat "we are not making the trip this year".
They don't understand why we don't want to pay $5k to sit in their 55 + trailer in the desert.
They don't get that there are a million other uses for the time.

We explained once about time cost and other vacations we wanted to go on and it fell on deaf ears so that was it.

As PP said, you can't make them understand or be okay with it. But you do need to communicate so they know and not withhold from them when you know you aren't coming, since that's just rude.

I read this line -- "My husband decided that we would not visit them until the kids were much older since it is an awful trip for all of us, and my inlaws make no effort to spend time with us despite the effort and expense it takes us to go to their house. " -- and am confused about what the issue is, exactly? Seems like the answer was in the question.

I really don't see what's so bad about OPs in laws. She is projecting a lot of her own interpretations of their behavior on them. What's so bad about complementing that they take the kids to museums and giving well intentioned parenting tips.

Anyways, I believe in karma. And all those people to drop their parents or in laws because they can't handle personality differences will wonder why their children don't have any time to visit them one day!

Anonymous wrote:Wow. You need to learn to write more concisely.

On an anonymous blog? You need to learn to write more clearly. Who are you addressing and why? I'm so sorry that you're such a failure at life that you need to critique people's writing and comments on an anonymous blog.

Wow. You need to learn to write more concisely.

Why do you have to call them? Email and/or send a card.

Say it's too expensive, offer to fly them to visit you.

I think being on your own turf will help a lot.

Then when they get there, you make plans with friends and leave DH to deal with the kids and his parents.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand what the issue is here.

you hate visiting them. Your husband hates visiting them and doesn't think you should visit that often.

So don't visit. What is the worst that will happen? They will complain and gripe and....what?

It sounds like you do a lot of the communicating. So don't respond to that part of the emails. Or say we have other plans for spring break, but I understand we'll see you this summer. Just don't engage.

This. I never understand people who say that their parents make them do something. You are an adult. They can't make you do anything. Sure, they can complain and say mean things and try to guilt trip or just generally be obnoxious, but so what? If you and your husband are on the same page here, then there's no issue. You don't visit. You don't explain to them why you're not visiting, you just politely but firmly state that you have other plans for vacation this year. And you don't share the specific dates with them.

And if you do visit, you stay in a hotel. Again, who cares if they complain?