DH and I got married in NYC six years ago (we're both from there). The only people who gave us less than $1,000 were our friends who were in college or grad school.

Nobody would ever give cash - everyone gave checks. Cash would be outrageously tacky. In my experience the toasters and cake platters on a registry are supposed to be engagement gifts, rather than wedding gifts.

FWIW, we are Italian. I would say 50% of attendees were mostly WASP, Jewish and Italian.

I've been to several weddings at the Pierre, the Plaza, etc. in NYC, and a lot of weddings in Westchester/Long Island.

For the most part, most of the bride and groom's peers who are in their 20s and 30s will do registry gifts (one of my friends who got married at the Pierre confirmed this--most people their age did registry gifts and most older folks who were their parents' friends/siblings and grandparents' friends did cash), and yes, Bed Bath and Beyond is actually a pretty popular registry location, along with Bloomingdale's and Michael C Fina. (For Jewish weddings, they may register for two sets of dishes and kitchenware, depending on if they keep kosher and if they celebrate high holidays...so there;s usually a lot of stuff to pick from.)

Anyway, my point is that registry gifts are absolutely fine. If they have fine china on their registry, you may want to get them two place settings or something like that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate how cash is given in Ny at weddings. It's almost like you're paying to attend the wedding. I've heard you're supposed to give the cost of your attendance. So if it's 250 a head then 500 as a couple.

However, our wedding was 250 a head and I don't think anyone gave us a 500 wedding gift.

I think it also depends on if the crowd is Jewish, waspy etc. the old money crowd isn't as big into cash payments at weddings.

+1

It is gross.

This i not at all a NYC thing. I have been to weddings all over the country. Most the the time people come with cards with cash or checks. How is it "gross"?

Actually it is. If you don't understand why it's crass you never will. I find giving gifts of cash very tacky.

#1 get off your high horse
#2 leave the east coast once in a while, it might do you some good

I typically write a check. Cash is not my preference but I certainly don't think it is crass to put something discretely in an envelop that is for the eyes of the bride and groom only.

Now if the invitation said something like "no boxed gifts" and money is being demanded, well that is tacky. But if someone chooses to give a give, whatever it is, that is between the guest and the bring and groom.

The "no boxed gifts" thing is the worst. Also got an invite saying "instead of gifts, we request you deposit money at bank xyz..."

The point of cash is so the couple can use it for big ticket items: furniture, down payment, etc.

It is very expensive to put on a wedding in NY so aiming to cover your costs-- if you can-- is a good guideline. If you don't have the funds, it's fine, I'm sure the couple is aware that you're not rich. If you do have the funds, taking a toaster to a fancy wedding will look cheap.

Anonymous wrote:$1000. More if it is an Executive wedding.

Terrific answer!!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate how cash is given in Ny at weddings. It's almost like you're paying to attend the wedding. I've heard you're supposed to give the cost of your attendance. So if it's 250 a head then 500 as a couple.

However, our wedding was 250 a head and I don't think anyone gave us a 500 wedding gift.

I think it also depends on if the crowd is Jewish, waspy etc. the old money crowd isn't as big into cash payments at weddings.

+1

It is gross.

This i not at all a NYC thing. I have been to weddings all over the country. Most the the time people come with cards with cash or checks. How is it "gross"?

Not pp, but giving cash would be considered very crass in the South or Midwest or Sothwest (areas I'm all familiar with) I'd never heard of it before reading this board, and my friends here in DC don't do it. It does seem to be a NY thing, as far as I can tell.

What do you think about couples who don't have a registry? Or everything on there is$500+?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate how cash is given in Ny at weddings. It's almost like you're paying to attend the wedding. I've heard you're supposed to give the cost of your attendance. So if it's 250 a head then 500 as a couple.

However, our wedding was 250 a head and I don't think anyone gave us a 500 wedding gift.

I think it also depends on if the crowd is Jewish, waspy etc. the old money crowd isn't as big into cash payments at weddings.

+1

It is gross.

This i not at all a NYC thing. I have been to weddings all over the country. Most the the time people come with cards with cash or checks. How is it "gross"?

Actually it is. If you don't understand why it's crass you never will. I find giving gifts of cash very tacky.

#1 get off your high horse
#2 leave the east coast once in a while, it might do you some good

I typically write a check. Cash is not my preference but I certainly don't think it is crass to put something discretely in an envelop that is for the eyes of the bride and groom only.

Now if the invitation said something like "no boxed gifts" and money is being demanded, well that is tacky. But if someone chooses to give a give, whatever it is, that is between the guest and the bring and groom.

Anonymous wrote:Same as you would give for anyone else. Geography is not a factor.

Ugh, I'd say it is. It will be noticed, and not in a good way, if you give the same $50 that you would to your Midwest cousin's cash bar wedding at the VFW.

I have a friend in NY who actually charged people to attend her birthday party. She sent out invitations and the requested gift was 40 dollars and stated on the invitation.

I'm sure she fully supports the cash gifts at NY weddings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate how cash is given in Ny at weddings. It's almost like you're paying to attend the wedding. I've heard you're supposed to give the cost of your attendance. So if it's 250 a head then 500 as a couple.

However, our wedding was 250 a head and I don't think anyone gave us a 500 wedding gift.

I think it also depends on if the crowd is Jewish, waspy etc. the old money crowd isn't as big into cash payments at weddings.

+1

It is gross.

This i not at all a NYC thing. I have been to weddings all over the country. Most the the time people come with cards with cash or checks. How is it "gross"?

It is gross to expect that a guest give a "gift" greater than or equal to $X because of what the wedding cost. That's not a gift, it is an admission fee.

From each according to his means. A guest is a guest, not a paying customer.

I absolutely agree with this. No one should be "expected" to bring a gift. But I don't see anything wrong with money. I write a check but if giving cash is your thing go for it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate how cash is given in Ny at weddings. It's almost like you're paying to attend the wedding. I've heard you're supposed to give the cost of your attendance. So if it's 250 a head then 500 as a couple.

However, our wedding was 250 a head and I don't think anyone gave us a 500 wedding gift.

I think it also depends on if the crowd is Jewish, waspy etc. the old money crowd isn't as big into cash payments at weddings.

+1

It is gross.

This i not at all a NYC thing. I have been to weddings all over the country. Most the the time people come with cards with cash or checks. How is it "gross"?

It is gross to expect that a guest give a "gift" greater than or equal to $X because of what the wedding cost. That's not a gift, it is an admission fee.

From each according to his means. A guest is a guest, not a paying customer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate how cash is given in Ny at weddings. It's almost like you're paying to attend the wedding. I've heard you're supposed to give the cost of your attendance. So if it's 250 a head then 500 as a couple.

However, our wedding was 250 a head and I don't think anyone gave us a 500 wedding gift.

I think it also depends on if the crowd is Jewish, waspy etc. the old money crowd isn't as big into cash payments at weddings.

+1

It is gross.

This i not at all a NYC thing. I have been to weddings all over the country. Most the the time people come with cards with cash or checks. How is it "gross"?

Actually it is. If you don't understand why it's crass you never will. I find giving gifts of cash very tacky.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate how cash is given in Ny at weddings. It's almost like you're paying to attend the wedding. I've heard you're supposed to give the cost of your attendance. So if it's 250 a head then 500 as a couple.

However, our wedding was 250 a head and I don't think anyone gave us a 500 wedding gift.

I think it also depends on if the crowd is Jewish, waspy etc. the old money crowd isn't as big into cash payments at weddings.

+1

It is gross.

This i not at all a NYC thing. I have been to weddings all over the country. Most the the time people come with cards with cash or checks. How is it "gross"?

Anonymous wrote:I hate how cash is given in Ny at weddings. It's almost like you're paying to attend the wedding. I've heard you're supposed to give the cost of your attendance. So if it's 250 a head then 500 as a couple.

However, our wedding was 250 a head and I don't think anyone gave us a 500 wedding gift.

I think it also depends on if the crowd is Jewish, waspy etc. the old money crowd isn't as big into cash payments at weddings.

+1

It is gross.