Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I fight every day and are miserable. This weekend, I did what he does-relax and do no housework. The house was trashed by the end of it, but we didn't fight at all. Coincidence? I don't think so.

Is a perpetually trashed house a price you're both willing to pay to avoid fighting?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I fight every day and are miserable. This weekend, I did what he does-relax and do no housework. The house was trashed by the end of it, but we didn't fight at all. Coincidence? I don't think so.

Is a perpetually trashed house a price you're both willing to pay to avoid fighting?

I don't know...maybe!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Messes are one of the primary things my H and I fight about. He likes things really neat. (I, on the other hand, like things really clean -- there's a difference. Like, he'll put away a dirty pot to avoid looking at it on the counter. Yuck.) I'd love to stop fighting about it. We already have cleaners that come 2x a month, but they don't put anything away or anything -- so it actually causes more stress because we all have to clean for the cleaners to come.
For those that keep recommending a daily housekeeper, how does that work? is there really someone that will come and just spend 1/2 hour or an hour a day putting everything away where it belongs and doing general clean-up? I would do that, but I always figured it isn't worth it unless you live in a mansion that takes hours and hours to clean.

How does it take you 30 minutes to tidy things up? Barring chores like loading/unloading the dishwasher, laundry, and mopping/vacuuming, you should not be spending 30 minutes putting things away every day. I have little kids and tidying up everything, including toys, paints, dress-up costumes, etc, takes MAYBE 5-10 minutes maximum, and I'm not a naturally tidy person (ugh, DH is). I'm baffled, not trying to be snarky. Do you just have a lot of stuff?

Anonymous wrote:Messes are one of the primary things my H and I fight about. He likes things really neat. (I, on the other hand, like things really clean -- there's a difference. Like, he'll put away a dirty pot to avoid looking at it on the counter. Yuck.) I'd love to stop fighting about it. We already have cleaners that come 2x a month, but they don't put anything away or anything -- so it actually causes more stress because we all have to clean for the cleaners to come.
For those that keep recommending a daily housekeeper, how does that work? is there really someone that will come and just spend 1/2 hour or an hour a day putting everything away where it belongs and doing general clean-up? I would do that, but I always figured it isn't worth it unless you live in a mansion that takes hours and hours to clean.

Anonymous wrote:Messes are one of the primary things my H and I fight about. He likes things really neat. (I, on the other hand, like things really clean -- there's a difference. Like, he'll put away a dirty pot to avoid looking at it on the counter. Yuck.) I'd love to stop fighting about it. We already have cleaners that come 2x a month, but they don't put anything away or anything -- so it actually causes more stress because we all have to clean for the cleaners to come.
For those that keep recommending a daily housekeeper, how does that work? is there really someone that will come and just spend 1/2 hour or an hour a day putting everything away where it belongs and doing general clean-up? I would do that, but I always figured it isn't worth it unless you live in a mansion that takes hours and hours to clean.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Awesome OP, sounds like you need some rest like your DH and most of the rest of us, except the type A "scrubby people."

Sounds like it is time to get a cleaner to come in every so often, if you can afford it.

So, if you are Type B you are ok living in a filthy house? What is your definition of filthy vs non "type A scrubby people"? I draw the line at seeing pee somewhere on the toilet; crusted toothpaste spit in the sink (mostly by kids); lots of dust; crumbs all over the floor (attracts ants/mice).

I don't live in a "filthy" house and I don't clean all the time either. Depends on your definition of "filthy" and "clean." DH and I split it up--and he is willing to do the work. I also think it is ok to hire things out. We vacuum once a week, dust once a month, and wipe down the bathrooms once a week. Do a basic kitchen clean once a week or wipe up spills and crumbs when we make them. We don't have lots of dust, or pee everywhere, or toothpaste spit hardening. The kitchen is basically clean. But, not eat off the floor clean. It was great when we could afford to have help, but can not afford it now that we are living in the DC area.

But--I am related to people (the people I refer to as Type A "scrubby people") who can not stand one speck of dust or crumb or hang out in their house more than a hour or so. During a kids party my SIL started freaking about the crumbs and started vacuuming in the middle of the party. I literally watched her freak out (and went to help so she could supervise the party instead!) Another woman I know--I can literally eat off her kitchen floor because she mops it every single day, and vacuums every single day. I can see nothing in her house that needs cleaning, but she insists it is filthy. My DH calls her "scrubby woman" in jest, which is where I picked up the term. Know several people like this and I hate going to their houses; yes, they look nice, but the sheer effort they put into cleaning non-stop is hard for me to be around, relax, and have fun.

If OP and her DH were fighting all the time about cleaning that does not sound like a fun life. Relaxing once in a while will help OP and not kill her. Her DH already does that, right?
And, maybe she and her DH can relax and find another way to keep things clean enough for both of them without fighting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Awesome OP, sounds like you need some rest like your DH and most of the rest of us, except the type A "scrubby people."

Sounds like it is time to get a cleaner to come in every so often, if you can afford it.

So, if you are Type B you are ok living in a filthy house? What is your definition of filthy vs non "type A scrubby people"? I draw the line at seeing pee somewhere on the toilet; crusted toothpaste spit in the sink (mostly by kids); lots of dust; crumbs all over the floor (attracts ants/mice).

I don't live in a "filthy" house and I don't clean all the time either. Depends on your definition of "filthy" and "clean." DH and I split it up--and he is willing to do the work. I also think it is ok to hire things out. We vacuum once a week, dust once a month, and wipe down the bathrooms once a week. Do a basic kitchen clean once a week or wipe up spills and crumbs when we make them. We don't have lots of dust, or pee everywhere, or toothpaste spit hardening. The kitchen is basically clean. But, not eat off the floor clean. It was great when we could afford to have help, but can not afford it now that we are living in the DC area.

But--I am related to people (the people I refer to as Type A "scrubby people") who can not stand one speck of dust or crumb or hang out in their house more than a hour or so. During a kids party my SIL started freaking about the crumbs and started vacuuming in the middle of the party. I literally watched her freak out (and went to help so she could supervise the party instead!) Another woman I know--I can literally eat off her kitchen floor because she mops it every single day, and vacuums every single day. I can see nothing in her house that needs cleaning, but she insists it is filthy. My DH calls her "scrubby woman" in jest, which is where I picked up the term. Know several people like this and I hate going to their houses; yes, they look nice, but the sheer effort they put into cleaning non-stop is hard for me to be around, relax, and have fun.

If OP and her DH were fighting all the time about cleaning that does not sound like a fun life. Relaxing once in a while will help OP and not kill her. Her DH already does that, right?
And, maybe she and her DH can relax and find another way to keep things clean enough for both of them without fighting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Awesome OP, sounds like you need some rest like your DH and most of the rest of us, except the type A "scrubby people."

Sounds like it is time to get a cleaner to come in every so often, if you can afford it.

So, if you are Type B you are ok living in a filthy house? What is your definition of filthy vs non "type A scrubby people"? I draw the line at seeing pee somewhere on the toilet; crusted toothpaste spit in the sink (mostly by kids); lots of dust; crumbs all over the floor (attracts ants/mice).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Awesome OP, sounds like you need some rest like your DH and most of the rest of us, except the type A "scrubby people."

Sounds like it is time to get a cleaner to come in every so often, if you can afford it.

So, if you are Type B you are ok living in a filthy house? What is your definition of filthy vs non "type A scrubby people"? I draw the line at seeing pee somewhere on the toilet; crusted toothpaste spit in the sink (mostly by kids); lots of dust; crumbs all over the floor (attracts ants/mice).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Awesome OP, sounds like you need some rest like your DH and most of the rest of us, except the type A "scrubby people."

Sounds like it is time to get a cleaner to come in every so often, if you can afford it.

So, if you are Type B you are ok living in a filthy house? What is your definition of filthy vs non "type A scrubby people"? I draw the line at seeing pee somewhere on the toilet; crusted toothpaste spit in the sink (mostly by kids); lots of dust; crumbs all over the floor (attracts ants/mice).

Anonymous wrote:Awesome OP, sounds like you need some rest like your DH and most of the rest of us, except the type A "scrubby people."

Sounds like it is time to get a cleaner to come in every so often, if you can afford it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because you weren't nagging him all weekend, that's why.

Some people dont' mind things messy. A good compromise is to get a cleaning person on a routine basis. THat's waht we do.

Luckily I don't have these issues in our house because we both like a clean and orderly house. DH is not asked to pitch in, he just cleans up as a member of the family. However, what you are suggesting here, I'm curious about.

So, if you don't clean, do you just leave all your dishes for the cleaning service? Do they come a few days a week? Do you throw your clothes after removing them for the day on the floor and have the cleaning service do it? If you mess the counters and spill things, do you just leave it? What about the trash, does someone take that out? Do the kids leave their toys whenever they want? Since you don't like cleaning, do you hold your kids to the same standard of just leaving it for the cleaning company? How many days a week do they come?

I ask this because although we are neat, we still have a cleaning company once a week. We do all own dishes, laundry, wiping of counters, run a broom vacuum when the floors get too dirty, keep the papers/bills organized, expect the kids to clean up after themselves, and generally put things away after we are done with them. SOMEBODY has to do that, at least in our house. And that SOMBEODY are the people who live in the house. When the cleaning company comes, they mainly just do the deep cleans that involve chemicals, mops, and scrub brushes.

In our hosue:

DH does dishes (due to timing of when we do dishes)
DH takes out trash
DW does kids and her clothes. DH does his own laundry
Kids are made to clean up their own toys.
Counter spills are cleaned by person who spilled
General wipedown by DW (since DH isn't bothered by it)