You sound like a really great dad who has a good relationship with his daughter. It's a great sign that she asked you, great that you offered her the choice of having a female friend do it but didn't insist on that, great that she was fine with telling you no, she really prefers going with you. Keep those lines of communication open like this, and be ready to discuss anything and everything she wants to discuss with you or you think you should discuss with her. That will be so helpful.

Anonymous wrote:Can I also recommend buying a pack of maxipads and having them on hand, just in case? When I was a teen, I carried a couple with me in my bookbag to school, just in case, and to camp or any other overnight trips. (TBH, it's possible I carried those things around for a year or more before I ever needed them, but it's nice not to be caught out.)

You want to get maxipads, not pantiliners; thin; and with "wings" -- those are the edges that wrap around and protect your underwear.

Great idea, be prepared now so you're not caught unawares if she needs supplies. She will appreciate that (even if she doesn't say it).

Anonymous wrote:Also you should see it as a sign of success that your daughter articulated to you straightforwardly that she needs a bra. Do you know how many 12 year olds can't get that sentence out? Even to their moms? You're doing something right.

This! She is not uncomfortable asking you. Way to go Dad! If you can, see if you can go with her to nordstroms and ask one of the sales ladies to help her out. I bet that knowing she can come to you and you will help her will go a long way in cementing your relationship as you navigate the next few years.

I think it's good that you're taking her; don't outsource those milestones to someone else just because you're a dad. I don't necessarily think it'd be a bad idea to find a female family friend/friend's mom or whatever to be a general female presence in her life, but you're perfectly capable of taking care of girl issues as needed. See them as DD issues rather than girl issues - and no one knows your DD better than you.

I'd take her to a store that's quieter and not super trendy. There's always a ton of teenage girls at VS and aerie and it can make for an overwhelming experience, especially for a younger tween shopping with a nervous dad. For a first shopping experience, I agree to try a department store like Nordstrom where the sales people are helpful (they also are at VS, but the process is more intimidating IMO) and your DD can browse without feeling self-conscious.

Anonymous wrote:Also you should see it as a sign of success that your daughter articulated to you straightforwardly that she needs a bra. Do you know how many 12 year olds can't get that sentence out? Even to their moms? You're doing something right.

+1

Can I also recommend buying a pack of maxipads and having them on hand, just in case? When I was a teen, I carried a couple with me in my bookbag to school, just in case, and to camp or any other overnight trips. (TBH, it's possible I carried those things around for a year or more before I ever needed them, but it's nice not to be caught out.)

You want to get maxipads, not pantiliners; thin; and with "wings" -- those are the edges that wrap around and protect your underwear.

Thank you all for your replies.

I asked my girl if she would like to go with her friends mom and I could set it up this morning at breakfast. She wanted time to think about it. And I just got a text from her saying she would rather just the two of us go and it's not a big deal.

She also checked in on the super bowl party this Sunday.

I am one happy dad right now.

I'll take everyone's advice and let the sales person take the lead. She wants to go to american eagle.

Anonymous wrote:My wife passed away from cancer a few years ago and its just been me and my daughter. I've been managing pretty well but my girl had her 12th birthday and I have realized things are about to change. She asked me over dinner if we can get her a new bra. To me that has meant a sports bra for athletics when we play sports together. My girl says she wants a pretty one like her friends. I am way too uncomfortable taking her shopping. I also don't want to take anything away from her feeling grown IP or special. With this I also know that periods, boys, puberty are coming. And I feel very unprepared. I have read every book out there. Still in the moment doesn't help. We don't have any close female relatives I could ask.

Honestly I am also a little upset about possibly losing my girl. What if she doesn't want to play sports with me or read the paper anymore. WhT if we grow a part because things change.

Any help greatly appreciated

You will always have your daughter - she will ALWAYS want to play sports with you and read the paper. I promise.

I agree with those that say she asked YOU. Make an appointment at Nordstrom - tell them what your situation is, and say that you want to purchase "X" number of bras for your 12 year old daughter. Let her get fitted while you sit outside and read magazines.

My situation is a little similar to yours - I adopted boys from foster care when they were little kids and there are no men in their lives. They are now in high school. Over the years, I've had to figure out everything - shaving, sex, hygiene issues, privacy, dating, no sex with minors, driving (ok, not so hard except there is nothing like giving your baby your car keys) etc. At first it was really hard. I watched youtube videos on shaving and read lots of things. And, then I just plowed in, well slow at first. Now that my boys are older, I can say that I am really glad I am the one who helped them grow up. I think my being the one to help them grow up made us very close.

I can also sympathize with your fear of her not wanting to do things with you. It happens and there are points where it seems that it's an overnight change. They start to need more alone time instead of asking you to watch TV or play a game with them. Then they choose going out with a friend over an activity you offer. But, even with that, my boys and I have our special things. We never stopped baking together. We have stupid rituals for every holiday, even the Hallmark ones. We read together in my bedroom most nights before bed. You just have to keep offering and let it be ok when she says no.

If you can find it in yourself, I think you should be the one to take her shopping. She asked you. It's you she wants and she trusts that you will be the one. And, I'd let her pick the place if she has something in mind. Once she does, you can guide her to what's age appropriate.

Also you should see it as a sign of success that your daughter articulated to you straightforwardly that she needs a bra. Do you know how many 12 year olds can't get that sentence out? Even to their moms? You're doing something right.

The ladies at Nordstrom are always super helpful. In a pinch you can take her there.

I'd also encourage you to look around and see if there are helpful mentors/aunts standing by that you hadn't noticed before. Does she have a favorite babysitter? Close neighbor? Favorite teacher? Girl scout leader? These people could be enlisted to help. Churches and other houses of worship are full of big-hearted people looking to help a family like yours. If you're not religious check out Ethical Culture or Unitarianism. You don't have to accept a dogma to participate in a community that would help both of you.

I just google searched for an article I read a while back about a dad who had a fatal disease who planned for his children to have a club full of male mentors after his passing. I couldn't find it. Maybe somebody here can find it. A club like that full of women devoted to your daughter would be something special and help usher her into womanhood. It doesn't need to be formal. You could just reach out to a few ladies and ask if they'd be willing to take your daughter shopping and then you can encourage your daughter to follow up somewhat regularly. They could have shopping or lunch dates together regularly so that she has women guides. As a twenty-something in DC I did Big Brothers/Big Sisters precisely because I was seeking this kind of mentoring experience but not yet ready to have kids. There are likely many young women in your circle who would appreciate this opportunity.

Good luck to you! You sound like a great dad. You are going to "lose" your "little" girl but you're going to gain a vibrant young woman. You'll be so proud to see how she turns out.